Choices
by Tzegha
Summary: Complete! Mutiny is about to find it's home aboard Serenity. A struggle for power, shifting of loyalties. New friendships are formed. Secrets are revealed. As the Alliance closes in, will Serenity collapse and destroy herself from within?
1. Prelude

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Disclaimer: _Not mine._

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Rating: _R just in case, violence and such_

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Archiving:_Anytime, anywhere_

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Acknowledgements:_ I would like to thank, first and foremost, all my fellow Firefly fans, for their inspiration and input. Muchos gracias to Goldenthorn74, who has pushed and prodded me and helped to bring this story to fruition and keeping me true. Thanks ever so much to Heidi, whose insight has been a, well, a Joss-send :) And of course Joss and the cast and writers who brought these stories and characters to life._

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Author's note:_ Chapter 1 of 8. This is my attempt to fill the void left by the absence of the show. In other words, if Firefly wasn't on 'hiatus', this wouldn't be here. _

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Spoilers: _Serenity through The Message, just to be safe. This work is meant to be a continuation of the original 'verse, including the unaired eps. No explicit spoilers for Heart of Gold or Trash, but this was written with them in mind. _

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Summary: Mutiny is about to find it's home aboard Serenity. A struggle for power, shifting of loyalties. New friendships are formed. Secrets are revealed. As the Alliance closes in, will Serenity collapse and destroy herself from within?

Choices

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"There was an odor of trouble, an indefinable wrong. It was like playing chess and making a bad move and not knowing why but knowing instinctively that it was a bad move. The instincts were yelling. As they used to do long ago at night . . . He gazed out into the black. The stars were obscured. It was the blindness that bothered him." - The Killer Angels

Prelude

"It seems you have a problem, Book." 

Mal stands outside the passenger quarters, one hand grasping a high rung of the ladder, his attitude anything but worried over the other man's fate.

Book stands in his doorway, a warm glow lighting the thick shoji screen from within. He raises his eyebrows, a light smile and a guilty expression on his face.

"It would seem so. But," he adds, unworried as well, "I'm sure that it can be remedied."

Mal lets go of the ladder and moves to lean against it, "So . . . you got ideas? Cuz I've thought of a few."

"I'm sure you have." Book chuckles.

Mal tries to be stern, "This ain't no laughing matter, Shepherd. The way I figure the thing of it is, from what you say, you got enough credit to last another week. Would that be right?"

Book nods, waiting expectantly.

Mal continues, "You already got free passage, but I can only be so generous. So, as I see it, you're options are that I swing by the North Folk abbey once we reach Grenfield, give you a nice send-off-"

"Not an option I'd favor, I'd like to stick around." Book quickly interjects. 

"Can't say as I'd like to see you go my own self. In fact," Mal continues, "What I would like to see is you starting to pull a little more weight around here. Help with the jobs every now and then. Get you out of the kitchen. I could use a talent like yours more often."

Book looks ill-at-ease with this option, but doesn't refuse outright.

"Now, I know you don't want to be made a part of my more . . . felonious . . . dealings. So, I thought up a little something that will even things between us." Mal is serious now, pushing off from the ladder.

Book notes this change, a little curious, and darkly replies in kind, "Can't wait to hear it."

"You tell me what you're connection is to the Alliance, you can continue to have a free ride in addition to a percentage." 

Book only stares, clearly unfavorable to this concept.

"Or," Mal finishes, "I put you to work, you keep you're secrets."

***

"They're all wrong," River shakes her head.

Jayne grouses back, "Shut your crazy yapping."

Inside the cargo bay, an eight-inch knife thwacks into a dartboard covered with scraps of paper. Jayne approaches, pulling out the knife still impaled on a single scrap, looking close at what is written. 

He turns his attention to the knife and tries out the name, "Nina" he says, rolling the name around in his mouth after a beat as he bobs the knife in his hand. "I'd like you to meet Nina." 

He crumples the slip of paper in disgust, throwing it to the floor where other such crushed rejects lay,

"Gah!" 

The dartboard is covered in a multitude of torn bits of paper, a name on each. 

River is on the floor, not even looking at Jayne or the names on the board, busy with a large needle and a wedge of leather. 

Jayne gives her a glance, more concerned about the pointed object in her hand than what she is actually doing.

Muttering to himself as he takes aim, "Gorram things been with me near a month, and she still ain't got a name." 

Thwack.

"Something about that just ain't right."

"Maybe it's a boy?" River offers from the floor.

Jayne pulls the knife out, ignoring her, "Jane? Jane Junior?" 

Turning around in frustration, he snaps, "I thought you were supposed to be some sorta genius?" He turns his attention back to the board as he continues, "Women are the most dangerous creatures in the 'verse. They don't even have to kill you themselves, they can just make you do it for 'em." 

"Done!" calls River. Thwack. It misses, slipping in between two scraps. 

"Ni ta ma de! You're messin my aim, why don't you just scat, girl--" He turns around to find her gone. 

"Freak," he mutters, almost missing having someone to whinge at. 

As he walks back, looking over the catwalks in mild paranoia, Jayne readies to throw the knife again, his back still to the dartboard. "C'mon, girl, we're gonna get it this time." 

Turning around, his arm arching for the toss, he catches himself as River is suddenly standing in front of his target. 

"You crazy motherless son of a -- " he walks up to her, pissed, waving the hilt at her as he admonishes, "She almost had your name written all over--" 

She thrusts a small bundle of fabric into his free hand, "I hope you don't mind the wrapping." Jayne looks highly confused.

"Hap --"

"Jayne!" Mal shouts from the door, seeing Jayne towering over River, with a knife in her face. 

Jayne glances at him, quickly realizing the look of the situation, "Aw, hey, Mal, this ain't--"

"River!" Simon comes in behind Mal, hesitating. 

Jayne quickly sheaths the knife as Simon rushes over to grab her.

"The hell it ain't" Mal strides up to Jayne, getting up in his face as Simon pulls River off to the side.

"Girl's clean out of her -- aw hell, it's _me _you should be savin'!" 

Mal gives River a glance, who stares back at him as she touches her cheek in confusion. 

Mal tears his eyes away to give Jayne a hard look. "Per maybe haps." 

River continues to stare at Mal, unnerving him. He gives her another passing quizzical look. 

Simon chastises her for her folly, trying unsuccessfully to gain her attention. When she finally looks at her brother, she smacks him soundly across the face and stomps away. Simon raises his hand to his face as both Mal and Jayne stop to stare. Simon backs away and heads after her.

Mal turns back to Jayne, "Notwithstanding, we're going to be in the world in less than halfa, I'm taking Simon on this one," his anger now receding, and softer, laced with mischief, " 'Sides, seeing as it's that blessed day you graced the 'verse with you're presence, I thought you could do with a little downtime. Give you a rest." Jayne, looks confused, clearly not knowing what day it is. He latches onto the one thing he is sure of, and protests being left behind.

"It's already decided, don't argue me Jayne." Mal walks away as he adds, "You'll still get paid." 

Jayne looks slightly appeased. Still worried, "You thinking on replacing me?"

Mal stops at the foot of the stairs and turns back to face him, a subtle warning in his voice, "Walk soft Jayne."

***

Mal reaches the top of the stairs, glancing briefly towards Inara's shuttle, and walks the other way. He is deep in thought when he rounds a corner and walks into her. He curses, quickly stepping back. 

Inara smiles, laughing a little, "Penny for your thoughts, Mal?"

He softens, shaking off his anger, "It'll cost you a lot more than that." He smiles warmly back at her a moment too long. Clearing his throat, he then notices how she is dressed, "Going somewhere?"

She seems a little put off by the change of subject, but goes with it, "I came to tell you, I'll be gone for the better part of the day." She smiles politely at him, "Unlike the last four planets, Grenfield actually has a respectable client base." 

He looks at her a moment, perturbed, managing, "Good, what's life without work, right?"

"Yes, right." She looks pointedly at him, "But it ruined a little theory I had about your choice of destinations of late."

Mal mocks offense, "You have such a low opinion of me," but clearly does like the direction she is heading. He turns it back on her, "Try not to be so disappointed, Inara."

She looks a little confused as to what he is referring to, giving him a questioning look.

He clarifies, "You'll have plenty of other chances to not work." 

Her smile falters, but she rallies, "I'm surprised that you even considered taking this job on such a pro-Alliance planet. I thought you avoided the Core as a rule?"

She strikes a nerve, gaining a small victory as his smug grin fades.

"Yeah, well . . . " He doesn't finish.

Inara pushes on, her tone playfully cruel, "Zoe said this delivery is a favor for an old friend, from before the war. I didn't think you had friends." She teases, "Is it possible that someone out there still likes you?"

Mal stares hard at her, not amused, "Zoe should mind what she says." He steps past her, his cool mask of indifference falling into place.

She grabs his arm, stopping him, "Mal . . . " She can't articulate the apology that is written over her face.

He removes her hand, trying to get clear of the conversation as quickly as possible, "Don't you have somewhere you need to be going?"

She twists her small hand inside his grip, not letting him go, "It can wait. Why is it so bad talk about it, the past?" She stares at him imploringly, "Who is he, this man you're doing the favor for?"

Again he tries to pull free as she reaches out with her other hand to stay him.

"Does it matter?" He looks down, uncomfortable with their continued contact, keenly aware of how close she is to him.

She looks at him, not knowing what to say at first, "How can it not?"

His voice is thick as he retorts, "What's done is done, Inara. Leave it alone."

"Just tell me why you are doing something you don't want to. It's still your ship, isn't it?"

He looks at her, regaining his foothold. "I thought you'd know best out of anyone here."

She doesn't understand.

He smiles coldly, "Sure money." He shakes her off, stepping back, "It's just business, Inara." He turns and walks away, calling over his shoulder, "Let Wash know when to expect you back."

She watches him turn a corner, her own cool mask settling into place, before she turns back towards her shuttle. Passing over the now empty cargo bay along the catwalk, she stops and looks down, grasping the handrail. Her face is impassive, but her fingers clench and unclench in agitation. 

Inara stares unseeing for a moment before she realizes that she is looking directly at River, alone below her. 

She steps back in surprise, releasing the handrail as she mouths River's name, trying to regain her composure.

From the bowels of Serenity Kaylee's voice carries, giving voice to Inara's query, 

"River?" The mechanic's voice grows louder, "Guess where Jayne is taking us!"

River sways, hesitant, before she bounds off under the catwalk and out of sight.

****

"Inara'll be back mid-aft, should give us plenty of time to get into trouble before the cap'n can leave." Kaylee bounces in excitement in the shuttle as Jayne pilots her and River over to one of the villages. 

"Xiao guai here doesn't need near that much time," Jayne muttered, "She's a real talent for it," 

"Jayne, how can you be so glum on--"

Jayne, apparently not listening, gripes, "Can't believe he's taking a tenderfoot and a preacher on a job. Gives a man cause to worry." 

River busies herself tying knots in a makeshift fishing line.

Kaylee, "Oh, c'mon Jayne, it's shiny! This is the first green planet we've been to in a long while." She twists a bit of wire that River passes to her with pliers. "I kinda feel bad for Simon, missing out on this. I don't think he's ever been fishing a day in his life." 

River smiles, shaking her head, "Busy Simon." 

Kaylee jumps up and plants a kiss on Jayne's cheek, startling him, "But it was real sweet of you to insist to the cap'n that we come along."

River glances up at Jayne, her smile disappearing, then ducks away before Jayne looks over his shoulder at her.

***

"Sure you don't wanna come?" Kaylee asks.

Jayne sits in a dusty unlit tavern, the sunlight not reaching his corner. "Just make sure you're back in time. I don't wanna have to come looking for your sorry ass after dark." 

"Don't be alone Jayne! 'Specially not today of all--"

"What makes today any different?" Jayne snarls.

Kaylee snaps her mouth firmly shut and turns her nose up at him, pretending to be deeply hurt. She stares skyward and says, with a martyred sigh, "I tried." 

Jayne looks uncomfortable under River's quiet, quizzical stare, not knowing what to make of her. 

Kaylee grabs her hand and tugs her towards the door, "Don't worry about him if he wants to sit on his pee-goo all day." 

River follows Kaylee out the door, shaking off whatever had gripped her. They pick up the poles they left lying against the brick of the tavern wall, as well as a can of wriggling worms, and trek off, leaving the tavern and shuttle behind them. 

As they wander down a path cut between the hayfields, brown and black hair conspiring in the noon sun, River whispers something to Kaylee. They both laugh and race to the wood line.

Jayne sits in the emptiness of the tavern, the fan swirling the dust in the air.

"It ain't my birthday."

****

A crack of gunfire ripples through the clear air, tracing its way across the sea of grassland. 

Mal closes his eyes, feeling the wind, listening. He takes a deep breath as he hears the distant rumble of a motor drifting on the wind. Turning, he sees an ATV trundling slowly toward them, a speck on the horizon dipping out of the slate blue sky and into tawny waves.

He turns back to Simon and Wash, the pilot trying unsuccessfully to get the younger man to hit the Blue Sun cans five yards out.

"Don't hold your--" Wash admonishes as Simon fires and misses again.

"Squeeze on exhalation, right." Simon mutters, "I got it." 

Another shot rips through the air. Wash and Simon both sigh as he misses again. 

"Not so much." Wash turns to the captain, "This was your idea, Mal. You're the one who likes the challenges. I like challenges, but this is impossible!" Wash scratches his head, "Give me some advice here Captain."

Simon looks at Mal, expectant.

"Uh, imagine . . . imagine they're hearts," Mal thinks a moment, "Little blue hearts. River hates Blue Sun, right? Or . . . think of someone you really don't like."

Simon looks mildly disgusted, "Don't like or want to kill?"

Mal shrugs, "Your pick."

Book sits in the dappled shade of a twisted apple tree, reading. None too pleased, he glances up, "It _is _possible for you to improve Simon's hand-eye coordination via other means." 

Mal turns an annoyed glance at Book, "Sure there is, preacher, but I don't want it to be my life on the line the day Simon can't shoot a man cuz he's not a harmless tin can. I ain't gonna sugarcoat why it is exactly we're out here doing this. Boy needs to know how to survive." He pauses, "If I recall right, you didn't seem to have this issue back at the skyplex. Where's this sudden phobia of taking up arms against a body coming from?"

"There's more to life than surviving." Book retorts.

"Yeah, well, you can't fill your life with warm and fuzzy meaning if you're dead."

Mal turns back to Simon, "We ain't got all day."

Simon looks from Mal to Book, not sure who is right. He sighs, raising the gun. 

Another crack ripples across the sky, but the cans remain unharmed.

Wash rubs his face, gazing longingly over at Zoe, who is stretched out in the grass, eyes closed, beaming with pleasure, "All jobs should be like this." 

"Ah, yes, the soothing sound of gunfire," Wash quips.

"It's like thunder," Zoe sighs, "I haven't been in a proper rain storm in aaages." 

She lingers on the last word, causing Wash to drool, "Mal, can we go to a planet where it rains a lot?"

"One day, Wash." Mal is distant in thought, a ghost of a smile almost on his face. He feels eyes on him, and looks at Simon. 

Simon stares back, a little amused, "I thought you liked the woods better? All this . . . tian xia . . ." He gives a significant glance to the vast plain around them, "We're sitting ducks out here." 

Mal looks around him, unconcerned, "Remember what it was like to feel safe?" 

The wind makes the grass shimmer and ripple, catching the light. 

His voice growing distant, "I knew a place like this. Made no matter who in the 'verse could see you, who your back was turned to . . ." He shakes his head, "Used to be a . . ." he trails off, looking at the others as they stare back in mild surprise. 

Mal almost sighs in relief as the ATV reaches them and comes to a halt.

"You're late." Mal squints in the sun at an aging man exiting his vehicle. 

The newcomer tugs at the brim of his hat in apology, "And you're very loud."

"Ain't a cause of trouble for fifty square as can hear us," Mal says defensively, breaking into a grin, "What's the news, Chet? How the hell you doing?" 

Chet grins back, but Mal keeps his distance, not offering a hand.

"Rita's offer still stands," Chet jests, "If you wanna run away with her." 

Mal looks mildly pained at the old joke, puts on a good face, allowing, "Your wife's had a crush on me since I was five. But, you can keep her and her cooking." It is obvious that he has said more than he wanted to.

Simon looks a little bashful as Chet surveys the untouched row of Blue Sun cans, "We just started."

Wash and Chet exchange amused looks. Chet works his way around to the point of their meeting, "Ain't it my luck that an Alliance Cruiser touched down over at the capital. Makes it a little more gorram hard for a man to go about his business." 

Simon shoots a worried look at Mal, who hides his concern, and gives Simon a glance that says to do the same. 

"Well, Chet, that's understandable then. I appreciate you taking the time to be careful. A word would have been nice, but I guess that's as it is." 

Chet hands Mal the common brown pouch, "Here's the other half, and I'll throw in another ten if you can give me a hand loading. Ain't got nobody able-bodied left but myself. And expeditious has taken on a whole new relevance in light of present circumstances." 

Mal looks a little guilty at the news, "Can do. Zoe?" 

Wash hauls his wife up with a little more force than necessary. They both stumble and laugh as he trips her again.

"Sir" she acknowledges, sobering. "Chet," she gives him a warm smile as she and Wash laugh their way up the ramp to get the mule, Chet following in his own vehicle.

Simon still looks uncomfortable, despite the relaxed attitude of the others, "Shouldn't we be getting on our own way Captain?" He snarks, "In the light of present circumstances?" 

"We ain't the ones heading back into the storm. Book and Zoe will give Chet here a hand with the cargo. In the meantime, Wash an' me'll try to make a marksman of you yet."

At the mention of his name, Book joins the two other men, giving the practice targets a disapproving glare, but turns an easy glance to Mal. 

"I can't say as I'm comfortable being made a part of this . . . " 

"You know the deal, Shepherd. You wanna stay on board Serenity, you gotta pay, one way or another." Mal hears the mule starting up, looks directly at Book, "And you can't pay no more." 

Book meets his challenging gaze, "Oh, I'm staying, and I'll do my share, but I would rather it be the more legal things that need doing. Ease the burden on my soul, if you will--" 

Simon replies for Mal, "Chet seems like a nice enoug--" 

Mal suddenly growls low, "Qu ni de. Watch your tongue, preacher," his voice seething with a quiet rage, "You already made your choice. You'll never meet a more honest man, so you'll keep your disparaging remarks shut down tight until you can learn the difference between what's right and what's legal." 

Book does not say anything for a moment, a little surprised by Mal's strong reaction. 

Zoe, Wash, and Chet return, both vehicles loaded with non-descript bulky boxes, and pull down alongside the three men. 

Chet hops off, joining Mal, who steps back, not able to completely erase the anger from his face. Chet pauses a moment before lunging ahead with his traditional request, "Sure you don't want to swing by yourself? The others haven't seen you since . . . well, in a long while."

Wash finally disengages himself from Zoe, hopping down, fascinated by the exchange between Mal and Chet.

Book softens, changing tactics, "If you've got family here, maybe it would be better if--"

Wash stops his approach.

"Stow it Preacher." Mal says with a tight smile, his voice still low. He manages a calm but curt tone as he says to Chet, "Take Book and Zoe . . . nice doing business, Chet. I'll see you around."

The older man smiles sadly, expecting this response, but having tried anyway, and turns to his own vehicle, "I'll give your love to Rita."

Mal doesn't reply, but turns a stony look to Book, who still lingers, looking unfavorably upon Mal's decision. Wash steps back, noticing a friction between the two men. 

Zoe waits, noticing it too, "Play nice, sir," she admonishes, "Book?" 

Chet tips his hat in farewell, "Take care of yourself, Malcolm," and drives back the way he came. 

Book looks like he wants to say something to Mal, but swings onto the mule instead. 

Mal calls out glibly, "Look, when we finish here, you can tell Simon all about how hate leads to the dark side."

Zoe shoots Mal a look, "Be a coupla hours, driving mostly." 

"Bye lamby toes!" Wash waves happily as Zoe follows Chet, deliberately ignoring how close the air had gotten.

Mal stares after their receding vehicles, and then shakes it off. "C'mon, Luke," pointing Simon back toward the cans. 

Wash watches them go, then trots after Mal, "So what does that make you? Han?" 

Mal gives him his best lopsided grin. Then business-like, gives Wash a gesture to continue with Simon, as he himself stares across the plain.

"In that case, Mal," Simon fires, and a can flies back, "just stay away from my sister." Simon fires again, hitting a second, smiling at Mal, who gives him a distracted half-smile. Simon fires again and misses. 

Mal doesn't notice, his eyes half-closed as he breathes in the wind.

Wash, "So, Jayne would be, what? Chewie?" 

Simon, firing again, "Eerie."

****

"River, get out of the . . . you'll scare the fish away!" 

River heaps a wave of water onto Kaylee's feet up on the embankment of roots and moss. Kaylee laughs as her pole is yanked into the water. "This is better!" River shouts cheerfully. 

"You're so gonna get it." Kaylee peels out of her rolled up coveralls and cannonballs into the water.

****

The tavern has filled up some, enough for Jayne to occupy himself with a game of pool. A man enters, cleaner than the rest, shaven, clean hands. Jayne eyes him, making note of him as he continues playing. The newcomer strikes up a conversation with the barkeep, an affable man named Berman. Jayne catches the name Ferny, and wanders over to the bar, paying for another drink, getting a closer look. 

Ferny's voice drifts in and out, " . . . looking for some friends of mine, heard they might be in town . . .

The man continues to speak as he gives Jayne a passing glance. The latter walks away hearing, " . . . a firefly, hard to get in touch with." 

Jayne heads out the back door as Ferny continues to speak to the barkeep, 

"Saw that craft outside, looks like what belongs to that breed of horse, thought maybe it could be what I was looking for. You wouldn't happen to know who belongs to that ladybug?"

***

The sky is getting warm and golden as the sun lowers. From the green darkness of the towering shade trees behind them, the girls wander back barefoot, dripping and happy. The path they take follows the river as it emerges from the woods, which then meanders through the glowing fields of grass that border and obscure the village of New Weston beyond. With broken poles and a full can of bait, River wonders if the grocers is still open.

Kaylee agrees, "A cake would be better than fish anyhow."

****

"Mal," Jayne eyes the wood-line outside the tavern, waiting for a response. 

Crackle, "Jayne?" 

"Wash. We got us a snoop . . . snooping around, asking questions 'bout Serenity."

Silence, then, "Maybe you should head back on over here--"

"Can't. Girls are still off, communing with nature. Should be back soon though, with the night coming on." Jayne squints at the glare of the setting sun.

"I'll give Mal the heads up." Crackle, "Hey, why didn't you say it was your--" 

Jayne clicks the comm off, baring his teeth. He walks back inside, a silhouette suddenly appears in the sky as a ship departs from its path in the sun. Jayne finds the tavern empty, except for the barkeep. His hackles up, he makes to back out, only to find the newcomer holding a gun on him, smiling. 

"Jayne? Jayne Co--" 

He is cut short as Jayne quickly and instinctively knocks the gun from his hand and guts him. The man falls down, his jacket flapping open, revealing a chain, which Jayne grabs, discovering a badge. 

William Ferny.

Interpol.

He swears, "Gorram feds," hearing the whine of a gunship touching down, realizing the mess he is in.

"Tzao-goa."

***

River and Kaylee round a corner, walking through the alley to the tavern. 

River stops, dropping the poles and the can of worms, "I think we're lost." She walks a little further around the corner, coming up on the doorless side of the tavern, looking confused. "No," she whispers.

"It's right here, silly--" Kaylee doesn't understand.

River stops, looking up at the narrow sliver of sky, then realizing that the danger is on the ground already, she starts to back up, pushing Kaylee.

"River, what are you--"

"Just go!" River manages to get Kaylee around the corner, her hands pushing her, her body meaning to follow. Gunfire is heard from behind the brick, inside the tavern.

"Freeze!" 

Kaylee leans into the wall, grasping River's hands, looking at her, scared. River ignores her, and starts to disentangle their fingers, keeping her eyes on the faceless fed.

"River Tam, you are bound by law. Put your hands in the air!" A man stands at the other end of the alley, weapon trained on a seemingly solitary River.

"River . . . " Kaylee whispers, but River steps out her sight, towards the fed, her hands behind her back. 

"Go." River barely breathes it, but Kaylee hears, and starts to creep away, slipping down another alley, dismayed.

River continues to advance on the fed, who unknowingly backs up, his weapon unsteady in his hands. 

"There is no 'i' in team," she sing-songs, "but there is in Timothy." Timothy glances about his person, as if to find a treacherous name-tag.

She sways against the tavern wall, seeming to listen, with her hands splayed against the brick. She sees two more feds at the end of the alley, makes note of them. Then quick as a cat, she leaps against the opposite wall four feet off the ground, propelling herself to the tiny broken window ten feet up on the tavern wall, slipping inside. Timothy, too surprised and slow, fires at the opposite building, barely able to follow her movement.

***

"Hey, Mal, we got a bit of a problem." Wash runs out to Mal, breathing hard, "Remember that Alliance ship that you said had nothing to do with us?" 

Mal cuts a sharp look to Simon, who is putting Mal's gun back together. Simon glances up, suddenly keen to a new danger. Mal steps aside with Wash, who has the sense to appear mildly apologetic. 

Wash continues, "They've got Jayne pinned back at town with a coupla gunboats." He looks over at Simon with empathy, handing the comm to Mal.

"Jayne?" He calls over the comm.

"What about River . . . and Kaylee? They were with him. Where--" Simon stands, pushing his way into the conversation, frantic.

"As far as we know it's just Jayne," Wash offers. 

Mal gives him a look that asks if that isn't enough.

****

The back door flies open as Berman runs out. Timothy shoots him down in a wild spray of ammo. 

Inside River runs and crouches next to Jayne behind the overturned pool table, he lowers the comm into which he was talking. Two bodies puddle the floor, one in the doorway. Jayne looks at her in surprise, swearing. 

Fear then takes over him, "Kaylee?"

"She's away. Give me a gun." 

Jayne grabs her arm, "The hell. Get in that back roo--"

"Jayne Cobb, this is Commander Santa Jauna of the I.A.V. Beltaine," a man yells, "No harm will come to you if you hand over River Tam!"

Jayne takes that in for moment, looking at River. She is scared, shaking her head. He snarls at her and carries her bodily over to the storeroom behind the bar. 

"No!" she cries, "Don't! Jayne, stop! Let me go! It won't work!"

***

"Jayne!" Mal waits angrily, yelling into the comm.

"He'll sell us out to save his own hide!" Simon screams, "Don't tell me it's not the truth, Mal!"

"Shut up one gorram minute, Simon!"

Wash looks from Mal to Simon, "River isn't even with him."

Patience wearing thin, Mal says tightly, "You're not helping."

***

River screams, frail fingers prying at his iron grip, "Jayne! You can't do this . . . kill you! Give it to me!"

"Shut up or I swear I'll ---"

"Jayne Cobb!"

"Ruttin' hell --I'm thinkin about it!" he roars at the fed, clamping his hand over River's mouth.

He pulls the comm off of his belt, speaking into it, "Mal."

***

"Kaylee?" Mal asks.

Wash and Simon stand around the comm in Mal's hand, listening. Wash and Mal exchange worried looks. Simon stares at Mal in silent shock, waiting for the news. 

__

"She got away, just River'n me." Jayne's voice cuts out for a moment_, "We're in a tight spot . . . don't look good."_

Simon says quietly to Mal, "Looks like the feds finally put two and two together same as Early did." 

Mal continues to ignore him, focusing on the comm.

Jayne crackles back, _"Guess this was bound to catch up with . . . I got an offer of amnesty, Mal." _They hear Jayne laughing, _"I need some advice. I need a plan, Mal."_

Mal thinks a moment, "Ain't one to be had. Situation on this end isn't looking good for a rescue op. We're short two, don't know when they'll be back, and we're still a haul from the town." 

Mal looks over Wash and Simon. At his ship, Serenity. At the horizon where Zoe and Book are. Taking in everything that is at stake. 

Knowing that it is a lose-lose situation, he takes one last stab at hope, "Tell me this, is there even a chance to overpower them?" 

***

Jayne hears another ship flying overhead, landing nearby. River stares at him and shakes her head.

"No," he says into the comm.

He looks at River, who is terrified, "Even if there was, it'd take too ruttin' long for you to get here," he takes stock of his weapons, "This won't last but a bit." 

River looks him in the eye, nodding. 

From the comm crackles, "_Agreed_."

"'Agreed' _what?"_ Jayne asks in confusion.

__

"You're on your own." 

Jayne lets this sink in. 

__

"It's your choice now how you handle this, but we ain't coming."

"Yeah, Mal. Can't say I'd be doing any differently were things . . . Life will be a little easier for you after this, huh? Guess it's all for the best, right?"

__

"Yeah, Jayne," the comm crackles one last time, _"The best . . . " _

The static holds, _"Your choice." _

Jayne holds River's gaze, "Understood."

He clicks the safety off.

***

"Captain, did you just give him permission to give up River?!" Wash shouts, his face reddening.

Simon stands still, staring at nothing, the world rushing out of him. He looks at Mal, eyes black, but the captain is focused on Wash..

"Get a hold of Zoe, tell her to drop everything, we're outta here soon as possible." Mal is disgusted, frustrated. He hands Wash the comm back and rubs his empty palms on his pants. "It's outta my hands. Can't give orders to a dead man." 


	2. Fractures

****

Author's Note:_ Chapter 2 of 8. This originally was all supposed to be wrapped up by end of the next chapter. Heh._

****

Summary: River's life is in Jayne's hands while Simon does everything he can to get to her--Everything. Things are about to go horribly wrong.

Choices

"We are never prepared for so many to die. Do you understand? No one is. We expect a chosen few. We expect an occasional empty chair, a toast to dear departed comrades. But the war goes on. And the men die. The price gets ever higher. Some officers . . . can pay no longer. We are prepared to lose some of us . . . but never all_ of us. Surely not all of us. But, that is the trap. You can hold nothing back when you attack. You must commit yourself totally. And yet, if they all die, a man must ask himself, will it have been worth it?" _- The Killer Angels.

****

Fractures

"I ain't--" Jayne growls in frustration before River cuts him off.

"You won't walk away. I know I'm not supposed to touch them. They'll kill you if you don't."

"You ain't gettin' no gorram--"

"Just promise, you can't tell him." She says this last through gritted teeth, the stubborn petulance of a child demanding her way. 

Jayne searches her face, his death grip on her arms relaxing.

"Jayne Cobb--" A fed calls from outside, gunfire having ceased for the moment.

"Give me one gorram minute!" he roars back, then gives her one more hard stare. 

Reaching to his side, he pulls a tiny pistol from a hidden holster, handing it to her.

"No, not that one. _That_ one." 

He passes her the larger one, giving her a wry look, but still a little nervous. 

"Time's u--"

Jayne stands and shoot the fed through the throat and drops back behind the pool table as the rest open fire. River whips around and drops a man coming from the back. Jayne spares her an awed glance. 

River herself looks deeply troubled.

***

"Wash, get to the bridge." The pilot gives one last horrified look at Mal, clamping his mouth firmly shut, and turns, running inside the ship.  


"Mal, you can't let this happen!" Simon dogs Mal's heels as he strides back into the ship, grabbing his arm as they pass the inner doors. 

Mal shakes him off violently, clenching his teeth, "Ain't nothing I can do to stop it, and don't think for a moment that I don't want to rush right on over there, son."

"And what about Kaylee? Are you leaving her for dead too?" Simon faces him, blocking his path.

"It's a wait and see." The cold endless depth of Mal's dark gaze is matched only by the fury emanating from Simon's.

"Don't objectify her to make yourself feel better!" Simon backs away, murder in his eyes, before he storms off. 

Mal watches for the direction the doctor heads. His expression of rage and disgust over an uncontrollable situation is replaced by one of alarm.

He hits the comm fast, "Wash, you on the bridge yet?"

"Yeah Mal."

"Good. Lock the doors. Don't open 'em for anything. When Zoe and Book get here, tell them to sit tight."

"Where will you be?" Wash is confused by the imminent danger intoned by Mal's voice.

"No thing or body, Wash. Keep it locked down tight."

"Mal?" But Mal is walking away in search of Simon. 

Mal walks quietly through the cargo bay, his right hand hanging loosely by his gun. He stops by the open door, on the top landing looking down at the infirmary. Through the window he can see that it is empty, a cabinet door is open, items spilled on the counter and the floor. 

He scans the lounge before he descends the steps, pushing past the infirmary doors to give it one last look before heading to the passenger dorms. He gives it a quick look and, satisfied, turns about. Simon stands before him, arms raised. 

Before Mal can react, Simon brings a heavy pipe crashing down upon his head.

***

Jayne fires his last round, discarding the weapon and pulling out a tiny pistol. River's hands are shaking, tears streaming down her face as she drops another faceless fed as he tries to stand. 

"So many souls . . . so many . . . just one . . ." she sobs. 

Jayne gets winged as River fails to cover him, "Gorramit! What the hell is wrong with you, girl?!" He grabs the gun from her, returning fire, sparing her a glance as she covers her ears, chanting, 

"Kraig . . . Camil . . Sandor . . . "

"River!" Jayne spares her a furious glance as he continues to carefully drop his targets, conserving the remaining ammunition.

"It's not . . . Worth so many." 

Jayne snarls at her, baring his teeth as he drops behind the overturned pool table, pressing his back against the green. He exhales loudly through his nose.

"Gorramit . . . what now guai?!"

She looks at him through her tears, pleading, "No more."

"No-- what? I can't do this without you. We got four plus . . . " he bounces the heavy gun he took from her, it's nearly empty. "One chambered, wuh de tyen, ah. We got five rounds left." 

"I ain't got time for this," he shakes her, trying to press the gun back in her hand. "We can do this, but I need you watching my back, dong ma?"

She shakes her head stubbornly, "No . . . no."

The footsteps draw nearer, crunching broken glass. Jayne casts a nervous glance over the edge of the pool table, and then to the back door. Finally he looks to River, tears still streaming down her face.

He says quickly and quietly, "Look, there's six of them left." He grabs her face, inadvertently pressing the large gun ageist the side of her head, making her look at him, "When there's one, you head out the back."

She puts her small hands over his, pushing them and the gun away. 

"Seven more for one. It makes no sense." She looks steadily at him, her tears abated but her face still wet and sticky.

"No more," she commands one last time.

He hears footsteps cautiously nearing just outside the window, a rustling at the back door. Jayne looks one last time at the heavy gun in his hand before placing it gently down on the floor.

He concedes, pissed as all hell, "No more."

***

From his knees Mal stumbles up, dazed, hands bound behind his back with gauze. 

Simon wraps his arm around Mal's throat, hauling him up the rest of the way. He holds a syringe near Mal's neck, unwrapping his arm as Mal stands on his own. For good measure Simon unholsters and unsafeties the gun from Mal's hip, holding it to the captains head with his free hand. 

"Either one will kill you instantly," Simon menaces, "Unless you help me get River."

Mal, grimacing, "Ain't how it's gonna happen."

***

Through the front and back doors, half a dozen of the remaining feds rush in, all but the commander training their weapons on River and Jayne. Jayne holds his hands out wide as he and River stand, facing each other.

"This ain't how I imagined ending." Jayne gives River a resentful look.

"River Tam, this is Commander Santa Jauna. Hands where we can see them!" 

River keeps her hands hidden between their two bodies, sniffling a bit, her cheeks wet. 

"How then? Thrilling heroics?" she asks.

"Tsai boo shr, in my bunk." Jayne smiles a dirty smile at her. 

St. Juana and the other five watch as she leans in close to him, reaching up on tippy toe, clinging to his shirt, seeming to kiss his jaw. 

She leaves a wet patch on his cheek as she whispers softly into his ear. His smile fades, replaced with a look of confusion. 

Over her head he sees one of the faceless feds lowering his weapon. 

***

"Mal?" The pilot's voice comes over the comm.

"Hi Wash." Mal's tone is deceptively light. 

Simon and Mal stand outside the door to the bridge. Mal has a look of deathly calm about him.

"Wash, open up." Simon presses the wall comm directly outside the bridge.

"Sorry kid, captain's orders. No can do." Wash is puzzled, complying with his orders without understanding the need.

"Fine, just take Serenity back to town." Simon is getting frantic.

"Ditto on that. Hey Mal, you wanna tell me why I can't open the door?" 

Simon swears in confusion and says to Mal, "You warned him?"

Wash's voice comes back, "Captain, what the hell is . . ." the comm goes dead for a couple of seconds, "FYI, Inara is inbo-- " 

Mal swears at his stupidity, realizing the consequences of the pilot's slip.

Simon takes a couple of seconds to realize what the older man already has, 

"Right."

While Simon jams the door from the outside, Mal shouts so Wash can hear him, 

"Tell Inara not to--" Simon strikes him with the butt of the gun and Mal stumbles against the wall. 

Simon reaches to grab Mal, but the captain lunges bodily at Simon, who is knocked backwards against one of the ladders, dropping the needle. The doctor clutches at his abdomen, struggling for air. Mal is atop of him before he can regain his feet, but Simon unbalances him, sending him flying backwards onto the grating, crushing his arms underneath him. Simon stands on shaky feet, breathing hard, still half-doubled in pain. Mal kicks his feet out, and both lie on the grating stunned for a moment. 

Mal rolls onto his stomach and begins to rise to his knees before Simon can recover.

Simon, seeing his own disadvantage, fires. 

Mal twists over, slamming back down.

In the bridge Wash hears the shot. He grabs a gun out of the locker, racing back to the door only to find it barred from the outside.

Simon scrambles up, holding the gun on the still body of Mal. 

Blood trickles from behind the doctor's ear, saturating his shirt collar, mingling with sweat that stings the abrasions on his back. Panting, he pushes the captain onto his back with his foot. 

Mal heaves a breath, turning cold eyes on Simon. An ugly burn mars the left side of his face, over the cheekbone, from the close passage of the bullet. 

Simon tiredly walks back to the bridge door, slowly bending down and retrieving the syringe, wiping his damp hair out of his eyes before thumbing the comm, voice trembling slightly, "Wash, you want to open up now?"

Inside, Wash steps back, grabbing his hair, the useless gun still clutched in one hand, chanting to himself, 

"Oh shit oh shit oh shit. This is not happening."

He shakes his head, not responding.

Simon waits a moment, 

"Wash?"

He looks up at nothing in frustrated acceptance, and then turns back to the still prone Mal, determined to get his way.

"Get up."

***

"Hands where we can see them!"

"Try to stop death. Get burned," she says. "Remember, Jayne."

With that last, River steps backwards, raising her empty hands gracefully above her head, the back of her wrists together. Jayne gulps visibly, his nonchalance disappearing, fear setting in as he nods at her. 

As River's retreat offers a clear shot of Jayne, all but one fed ready their rifles. As she quickly whirls to the side, Jayne seems to buckle slightly at the knees behind her now as she turns her back on him, closing her eyes. Just as quickly he falls forcibly backwards as he is fired upon. 

River lets out a shaky breath in the flat silence following the din of gunfire. When she opens her eyes, she looks directly at the fed who hadn't fired, to her right. He grips the barrel of his neighbor's rifle, holding it aloft towards the ceiling. 

Behind her St. Juana and two other feds witness Jayne's shirt blossoming red.

"Leave them something to come back for."

River blinks, tears escaping again. She is surrounded, bound, and led away, as she whispers to herself, "No more."

****

Inara pilots her shuttle over the empty grassland, Serenity within sight.

Wash is agitated as he tells her, "Feds got Jayne and River back at New Weston. That's all we know."

"Where's Kaylee? Kaylee was with them." Inara's concern and fear is overwhelming.

"I don't _know,_ Inara," his frustration lashing out, "Just stay in your shuttle and keep it locked."

Inara suddenly realizes something, "Where's Mal? I want to speak to the captain."

She stares at the comm as only silence answers her. Twenty seconds till she docks with Serenity.

"Wash?" she asks, her worry increasing tenfold.

"I don't know," he answers quietly, his voice tight with strain.

"I don't understand, Wash. What aren't you telling me?" Fifteen seconds.

"Ni ta ma de," Wash rallies, his voice stronger,"Don't _need _to understand, just don't . . . don't let Simon in, don't listen to him, no matter what."

Ten seconds.

"In fact, I highly recommend you not dock. Stay away for a spell. At least till Zoe gets back to handle him . . . Inara?"

She ignores him as she begins the final countdown to docking, determined to reach Serenity and Mal.

***

Simon arrives with Mal outside Inara's shuttle. 

Mal is unable to contain his anger at what the younger man is planning, "You've gone too far, boy."

"And you're not going far enough! You haven't even tried!" Simon pounds on her door with his foot. "Inara! If you don't o--" as Mal shouts at the same time, 

"Woman, don't you dare open this--" 

The door opens without further ado. 

Inara stands there, staring at Mal, her lips parted in dismay at the burn across his face, at the blood on both of them, then to the gun in Simon's hand. 

Simon stares in surprise at the ease of entry. 

Mal mutters curses her for her stupidity. 

Simon gathers his wits and injects Mal, "I'm . . . " 

Mal realizes that Simon was bluffing on that count and gives him an incredulous look. Inara starts, concerned for Mal, but Simon holds her back.

He assures her, "He'll be fine," ushering her further into the shuttle. Simon keeps Mal's gun trained on him, not taking any chances.

As Mal leans heavily against the wall, he keeps his gaze steady on Inara, furious with her. He curses her one last time before Simon closes the door between them. 

Mal pushes off, walking unsteadily only a few feet before he leans back against the wall, sliding down it in defeat, finally succumbing to the drug.

****

Inara settles her shuttle a discreet distance from the village. Her hands tremble from a tightly controlled fury as she shuts down the power. She shudders as she lets out a pent up breath. 

Simon heads for the hatch but she hisses at him, "Not yet!" 

She keeps her hands on the controls, ready to power back up and flee at a moments notice. "They may still be here," she clarifies as Simon looks askance at her. 

Gratitude touches Simon's face as he realizes his rashness. Inara will have none of it, as she stares at Mal's gun still clenched in Simon's hand. 

"Inara, I want to--"

"Don't speak, Simon. I'm not doing this for you." Her eyes flash angrily at him. 

She finally decides that it is safe to leave and opens the hatch.

In the gathering dusk, they slip through the scattering of trees, watching for Alliance gunships, but the area is silent. As they enter the town, concealing their profiles against a building, Simon asks, "Which do you think is the tav--" Just as quickly he sees several spots on the ground where it had been soaked a dark crimson in front of a brick building, it's front window shattered. 

Simon rushes recklessly across calling for River. 

Inara curses him and follows.

***

Hidden in the brush, Kaylee crouches, shivering in her still damp clothing as the cool night sets in. 

"You told me to go," she whispers softly, plaintively, "Please don't be mad." 

From her vantage she can see over a meadow, where a small Alliance gunship rests. She saw River enter it, but they didn't leave. It waited, and so did Kaylee.

***

Splintered wood and shards of brick shift under Simon's feet as he steps over a puddle of blood in the doorway. Inara gives him a sharp look as he stumbles, making too much noise for her liking. She glances around at the inside of the tavern, the outer gloom mingling with the dim wattage of the tavern lights to make murky shadows. She watches the dark corners, the gaping darkness of a door at the back, the swinging door opening onto a back alley where more blood pools. 

"They took all the bodies," Simon observes, more than a little rattled, "How do I know one of them wasn't hers?"

"Shhh."

Simon takes the hint and sweeps the room with the gun, his back to the front door. Inara then looks at the overturned pool table, peppered with bullet holes. Warily she begins to walk around it.

"Simon," she gasps, as she sees booted feet, rushing behind the pool table.

"River?" Simon asks frantically, rushing around to join Inara, where she crouches.

She breathes, "Jayne."

Inara kneels over the mercenary, prying his hand away from the ragged mess of holes in his upper chest and shoulder. Bright blood pulses out, coursing down his side and shoulder, puddling in the hollow of his neck. 

Inara flinches, fighting back the bile that rises to her throat, "Who took her? Was it Alliance? Jayne? Jayne, listen to me." 

Simon spares her a momentary glance of shock at her efficiency and ruthlessness.

Unable to remove the bloody rag from his grasp, she bundles her shawl and presses it firmly, causing a faint curse to escape his lips.

Simon eyes the growing pool beneath Jayne, seeing time slipping away.

"Where's River? Is she okay? Where did they take her?" Simon kneels, heedless of the warm stickiness soaking his pants. He grabs Jayne's face to look into his eyes, placing two fingers against his neck, the back of a palm to his forehead. He wipes a spattering of blood from Jayne's face and joins Inara's hands with his own when the bleeding refuses to stop.

"Jayne? Who was it that took River?" Simon continues to question him.

Jayne gives a dry rustle, which turns into a barely audible laugh. 

Simon gives him an incredulous look, which turns to anger as Jayne begins to whisper in a scratchy voice.

"Sorry, doc . . . s'just me." He clears his throat.

"Yeah, Jayne, but--" 

Inara cuts Simon off, whispering soothingly, "Tell us who took River."

Jayne laughs again, "You must sure be disappointed, Doc . . . risking your skinny ass . . . and she ain't even here."

Simon tries again, "Where's River?" 

"River . . . s'always River . . . " Jayne's smile fades as he looks straight at Simon, "Would you ha' come . . . if she hadn't been with me?"

Simon doesn't answer.

Jayne wrinkles his brow, "Mal . . . he said he wasn't coming . . . "

Inara looks at Simon in accusation, "He didn't, Jayne."

Simon ignores Inara, "Focus, Jayne. Who took River?" 

"Where's Mal?" Jayne raises a bloody hand to Inara's face, not hearing Simon. He stops before he touches her, clenching his fist as he realizes he almost got her dirty. She takes his hand and presses it back to his chest.

"I think I got shot . . . below the belt . . . I-nara . . ."

She gives a glistening smile, choking back a laugh, "Simon will fix you up once we get back to the ship. Now can you tell us who took her, please Jayne?"

Jayne sighs, his face growing paler by the minute, "No fun, 'Nara." 

"Jayne!" Simon grits.

"You gonna leave me here?" Jayne asks quietly, looking at Simon.

"Shhh," Inara consoles him, "No one is going to leave anybody behind. We just--"

Jayne interrupts her, weak as he is, "Not . . . so sure about the doc here . . . "

He gives Simon a belligerent look, "I'm important to you now, ain't I? Take me back to Serenity . . . then I might remember . . ."

***

"Zoe?" Wash curses, "Where the hell are you?! Oh God oh God." Wash pulls at his hair, gets up and tries the door again. He curses again, and gets back on the comm. 

"Zoe! Book!" He tries another channel, "Inara?" He hits the ship comm, "Captain? Mal?" He flexes his hands in futility, turning the volume on the broadband back up, listening to the Alliance chatter.

***

"Simon! Hurry. There's too many!" Her shawl is soaked, and the growing pool saturates her skirts. Jayne's head lolls to the side as he fades out. 

Simon stumbles over broken and overturned furniture, his hand unconsciously going to his middle, "Just keep the pressure on him while I get some rags."

" 'Nara. . . " 

She turns back to find Jayne awake again. He tries to focus on her, to keep his eyes open.

"Shhh. We're taking you home." She takes a cold, clammy hand in hers, feeling the faint, rapid pulse beneath the skin.

". . .where's Kaylee? . . . she never . . ."

Simon searches under and behind the bar, lowering himself with difficulty, looking for dishrags.

"Gotta get . . . leave . . . Only . . . three . . . only two ships left . . . still here . . . " Jayne grits his teeth. 

"Shuh mu?" Inara looks frantically in Simon's direction.

"Stupid . . . " Jayne lets off a string of weak curses, breathing too fast, ". . . not my . . . "

***

The engine of the mule shuts off inside the cargo bay.

"I still don't see what's the harm in it Shepherd. He's a good kid. Good head on his shoulders. Heck, he's the most righteous one on this boat next to you." Zoe chuckles as she walks over to the panel, closing the cargo door. Book only looks at her, clearly not comforted by this thought. She comms up to Wash, "We're in babe. Are we just waiting on the two shuttles?"

"Zoe!" Wash's voice comes over the come, he is frantic, "Where's Mal, do you see Mal anywhere?" 

***

Simon finds a bundle of clean rags behind some pitchers. He stands a little too quickly, and doesn't hear movement outside over his own painful gasp. Inara tells him to get down. He quickly drops, stifling an outcry of pain, pressing his back against the bar, his heart pounding, clutching at his stomach.

Three feds enter the bar. 

Inara stands, her hands and the knees of her dress bloodied, as one fed looks at a photo in his gloved hand. "Inara Serra, you are bound by law in connection with the harboring of two known fugitives." 

Inara calmly replies, "This is absurd Commander. Jayne Cobb wasn't a fugitive." At her feet, Jayne's eyes are closed.

"Miss Serra, you are to come with us now. I advise you not to speak." St. Juana gestures at the others and turns to leave.

"I demand an explanation as to what has happened he--" But they bind her hands and lead her out.

Simon closes his eyes, shaking, "This isn't happening."

***

"Wash, what in the 'verse happened here?!" Zoe runs her hands over her husband, looking for injuries.

"Fed's holed up River and Jayne. I don't know where Kaylee is. They got her too for all I know. Simon freaked, took Inara's shuttle back into town."

"And Inara?" She pauses in her ministrations, clenching her jaw.

"Yeah. She was kinda in it at the time."

Echoing from the expanse of the cargo bay, Book calls out, "I've found him!"

***

Kaylee watches as the last gunship finally flies away. For a moment she hesitates, frozen by indecision more than fear. 

"River, what do I do?" The gunship finally disappears from view as an awful thought hits her, her breath catching, "They wouldn't -wouldn't leave me?" 

On stiff limbs she clambers up, quickly leaving the safety of the wood-line for the open field, watching the darkening sky.

***

"Can you walk?" Simon looks outside, to where it is nearly black. The dim lights of the tavern making him feel far too exposed, spot-lighting him.

"Don't matter much . . . if we can't pilot that shuttle . . . outta here." The sweat of shock has reached Jayne's face.

"One thing at a time. We need you standing" Simon finishes securing the pressure dressing as Jayne fights to stay alert. 

Approaching footsteps are heard and Simon fumbles for Mal's gun. 

Before he finds it-- "Simon?" Kaylee's tremulous voice calls out.

"Kaylee!" Simon lowers the gun, gasping in great relief. 

Fear and urgency return, "Where's River?!" He rushes over to her, taking her shoulders in his hands as she stares past him in shock, seeing Jayne. 

Simon shakes her, "Who took her? Is she okay? What happened?"

She finally looks at him, turning a little green. "River?" She looks back at Jayne, lying still on the floor, "Is he . . . "

Simon is impatient, "No, he's gonna be fine, but I need to know what happened to River. How did you get away?"

At that Kaylee gives him a guilty look, but it is quickly overtaken by anger as she pushes him easily away from his grasp, "Not _now,_" and she rushes to Jayne's side, who whispers to her.

"Don't . . . tell him."

She looks puzzled, but puts on a bright smile and coos at him, "Hey sweetie, shhh."

Simon stares at her back a moment before he makes his decision, "Help me get him up." He grabs Jayne's arm while she gets on the other side. Simon's face turns red as he bites back another scream, Jayne's full weight bearing down on him as together they all stand.

***

"He was drugged, " Book deduces.

"Yeah, because being beaten about the head copious amounts of times weren't enough. And what in the 'verse is that?" Wash indicates the burn. 

Zoe doesn't answer, but shares a knowing look with the shepherd.

***

With Kaylee and Simon on either side, Jayne makes his slow way the short distance to the second shuttle, his shallow breathing marks their passage through the shadows. 

They stop as a group when they catch sight of the shuttle. 

Jayne whispers, his head a little more clear, "If they're smart . . . they posted someone at both shuttles." 

Simon looks at Kaylee, who clings to Jayne in terror more than he leans on her for support, but he knows that Jayne can barely focus. 

He relinquishes his aid, letting Jayne lean against a wall. As he begins to slide down, taking Kaylee with him, she squeaks, "Don't!"

Simon clicks the safety off of Mal's gun, walking silently around the shuttle. He hears a cough, stops, spots a pinpoint of orange glowing brighter in the dark shadow of the shuttle, fading and moving. He raises his weapon, taking a deep breath that hitches halfway. As the cherry rises again in the black and begins to glow brighter on inhalation, he fires on his own exhalation. The gunshot sounding too loud in the closeness of the night.

***

"We wait until the captain wakes up." Zoe stands, arms folded, next to the twinkling lights of Kaylee's room. 

"Didn't I just say that?" Wash stands in the doorway to the bridge. 

Zoe glances back at him, "Don't argue with me when we're in agreement, dear."

Book stands furthest from the bridge, and is clearly unwanted anywhere near it. "If they've stuck around long enough to grab Simon, along with River, I'd imagine that they'd leave with what they came for." 

"I'm the pilot and I say we're staying." 

Wash's authority goes unheeded as Zoe continues, still arguing the point, "We don't know what's happened, or _what _their intentions are. It's too dangerous, Shepherd." 

"I cannot believe that you'd abandon your crew so easily."

"Nobody's being abandoned, but I'm not rushing in like some fool chin-wah tsao duh liou mahng . . ." she continues cursing.

Book looks past her, pleading for reason and sanity from the more approachable of the two, "Wash, we may be running out of time. If you only bring us in a little closer . . . " He takes a step towards Wash.

"Still too risky. Don't listen to him, Wash." Zoe shifts stance, moving directly in front of her husband, forcing Book to deal with her. "Do you want to try and take the bridge now, too?"

The shepherd grows angry, "It's too _risky_ staying out here in the open like this. If they are interested in more than just River and Simon, don't you think--"

Wash puts his hand on Zoe's shoulder before she can reply. 

"Look, Shepherd, I know your judgment has been sound in the past, but I have only one captain -- well, two, but that's besi-- and besides she's in agreement with the first one . . . _and _me! My last order was to stand my ground, and that's what I'm doing until Mal --!"

Book snarls back, "That order was borne out of self-preservation and a lack of --"

He is cut short as Kaylee's voice comes over the comm.

***

"Wash? Somebody?" Kaylee's voice quavers as she tries to hold it together.

"We need the infirmary ready . . . and . . . and meet us with the stretcher at the shuttle two hatch." Kaylee returns her attention to piloting under the threat of the storm. 

"Kaylee? Who's wit--"

She clicks off the comm, cutting Wash's question short, unable to talk any further, let alone listen. Tears run down her face as she concentrates on the nav screen.

Behind her Simon crouches on the floor of the shuttle, continuing to monitor Jayne's blood pressure and breathing. He applies more manual pressure to the dressings to stop the bleeding as much as he holds Jayne upright his against the shuttle wall. 

Jayne's head hangs, chin on chest, his breathing a little more shallow. As the shuttle turns, he raises his head, his face beaded with sweat. He glances around and recognizes Simon. He closes his mouth, swallowing, and looks away, self-rapprochement marking his face.

"I'm sorry," Jayne whispers almost inaudibly.

Simon stares at Jayne for a beat, not sure if he is lucid in this moment or not.

" 'Bout River." Jayne explains, his eyes focusing perfectly on Simon. The shuttle slows, and momentum is suddenly shifted sideways. As they touch down into the relative safety of Serenity, Jayne finally allows himself to fade. 

Simon looks away, then back again, giving Jayne a chilling look, black eyes under dark brows. 

"Yeah, well, this time it wasn't your fault."

Even as Jayne falls into oblivion, a look of fear passes over his pale face. 

Simon stares at him steadily, pressing harder. 

Outside, the deep blue sky grows black as clouds gather. A wind picks up, making the grass speak in hushed tones. 

****

Kaylee stands outside the infirmary, her hands pressed against the glass, watching as Simon finishes up with Jayne. Her coveralls are stained brown, with some glistening patches of red where the blood hasn't dried yet. Wash opens the door as Simon washes his hands, staying in the doorway, awaiting the news.

"That's as much as I can do. Now it's wait and see. Keep the bandages clean, new I.V. to keep his pressure up." Simon towels off, staring at the floor, not knowing what to do now that he is no longer urgently needed.

Wash speaks up, "So Jayne'll be alright?"

Simon pauses, looks at Wash, "I didn't say that."

Zoe spares Jayne a glance, "Otherwise, it's simple then?"

"Simple," Simon agrees. 

Zoe looks at him, unfolding her arms, "Sure. I can do that." Without warning she slams Simon against the glass, causing Kaylee to jump back into Book. 

The shepherd brushes past her in an attempt to get Zoe off Simon. 

Wash beats him to it, blocking him as he says to his wife, "Whoa, easy there killer--" 

"He nearly took Mal's head off, DEAR." She looks at Wash for only a second before she turns back and shoots Simon a deadly look, who struggles for breath, his face turning an ugly shade of purple.

Wash speaks soothingly as he pries her fingers off of Simon's throat, "Then let's have Mal deal with him," he gives her a significant glance, indicating Kaylee. Zoe looks from her husband to behind Simon. Kaylee is inches from the glass, only a foot and one scared doctor from Zoe, looking at her in absolute horror. 

Simon coughs raggedly as Zoe releases him, his face draining of all color as he clutches at his ribs. 

"Fine, looks like it's a wait and see," she steps back, looking pointedly at Book, "Get him out of here." 

As Simon slips past Wash, he sees that the pilot would very much liked to have strangled him personally.

"Zoe." 

She sees that Book is still there. 

"Wash," he continues, "It seems that with the arrest of Inara, none of us are safe, apparently. My judgment may have been rash earlier, but I suggest you heed my advice this time when I say it would be best to move Serenity closer to the New Weston. The Alliance will still be searching for the rest of us, and Simon especially."

"I don't see your point, Shepherd. Are you _trying _to get us pinched?" says Zoe.

Wash understands: "Use the heat of the town to mask Serenity's readings. Power down, slip under their radar."

"Or lead us straight into their hands," Zoe spits at Book.

Outside the ship the wind picks up fiercely, silent lightning flashes across the plains. A plaintive moan and resonant bass ripples closer as the storm approaches.

***

Simon sits with Kaylee in the common area, finally allowing the shock to set in over how things played out that day, and his own part in it. Kaylee slips her hand into his, offering comfort. 

He looks at her in surprise, "How can you not hate me?" He tries to pull away, refusing her lack of blame. 

She takes his other hand as well, squeezing tightly, "Weren't your fault--"

"Mal? Inara?" Simon condemns himself, "Everything else might have been outside my control, but don't pretend that--" He stops when she pulls her hands away. 

He takes them back, almost encouraging her judgment.

Kaylee is torn, not knowing what to say first, faced with the truth of Simon's actions, and her belief in his good heart. She looks at their entwined hands, hesitating a moment longer before she quietly asks, "It was an accident . . . right?" 

Simon stares at her, for a moment not understanding what she is referring to. He looks away when he replies, "Yeah." He raises his eyes to meet hers, "It was an accident . . . I . . . my finger slipped." He looks quickly away.

Kaylee gives a weak smile, accepting his answer.

"See, you was just trying to save your sister. You just shoulda had more faith in the cap'n. And you did go to get Jayne, too . . . an' . . ."

Simon doesn't hear her anymore, "She's gone again, they have her back now," he stares at nothing for a moment, "I don't even know where it is they took her . . . not that it matters . . . since I'm a dead man when . . . " He falls into silence, and allows Kaylee to wrap her arms around him. After awhile, he looks up, taking her face in his hands as he realizes, "They almost caught you too." 

Kaylee looks away, ashamed, and sees Book watching them. 

***

From the village of New Weston, the sound of Serenity's engines are drowned by the torrent of the storm that is now fully upon them. 

Wash's voice comes over the comms, "Powering down now. Infirmary emergency only." The ship goes black within.

***

Zoe checks to see that the monitors for Jayne are green, and approaches the table where Mal lies, against the wall. The dim blue light giving him a deathly pallor. 

She traces her fingers along the space of air where the bullet must have passed. Resting her hand finally upon his shoulder, she bunches the fabric of his shirt in her fist, then smoothing it out again. She reaches out with her other hand and lightly touches Jayne's. Not looking, hanging her head as she stands between them.

"Zo--" Wash is brought up short as she looks up at him, clearly anguished. She quickly looks away, trying to push down her unseemly lapse, dropping her hands to her side.

Wash takes a step towards her, "Zoe?"

"Don't," she says, her voice betraying her anguish, her hands raised slightly in defense. 

Wash continues to approach, slightly afraid by this new side to his wife, unsure how to act. He reaches her, taking her into a loose embrace, looking her softly in the eyes. 

"Hey." He gives her a nod and a moment of understanding passes between them. 

She nods back, unable to speak, as silent tears roll down her cheeks. She touches his face, grief stretching her own face into an almost smile. She clenches her fingers into his short hair. Then, wrapping her arms around him fully, she holds onto him fiercely, cherishing him.


	3. Waiting

****

Author's Note: _Chapter 3 of 8_

****

Summary: Two of Serenity's crew have been arrested, one lies near death, and the rest wait for the captain to awaken so that he may cast his judgment upon a traitor in their midst. 

****

Choices

"We don't fear our own deaths, you and I. We protect ourselves out of military necessity, not fear. You, sir, do not protect yourself enough and must give thought to it. I need you. But the point is, we are not afraid to die. We are prepared for our own deaths and the deaths of our comrades . . . but I have seen this happen: We are not prepared for as many deaths as we have to face, inevitable as the war goes on." - The Killer Angels

****

Waiting 

Through the blackness the small gunship hums a steady thrum, carrying Inara from one heartbeat to the next in a steady rhythm. Lights, yellow and green, shine through the cockpit window and move in undulating squares over her face as they turn. Her heart beats once, loud in her ears, and the ship hums onward. She turns, eyes passing over the men surrounding her. Two pilots. Two guards for her . . . two for River. The hum brings her to her next heartbeat. Blue squares pass over the ceiling, sliding down the walls as the hum slows, her heartbeat quickens. River sits in the very back, two men on either side, and as the light slides over her face, she turns dark eyes to Inara, and raises her hands into the light. Heartbeat. River looks at her own hands. The humming slows . . . a heartbeat. The gunship docks with the carrier as the blood rushes in Inara's ears, and then all she can hear is her breathing.

The hatch slides open, and against her will her body follows the rush of men past the enviro seals into white and gray corridors. Her vision narrows, and she focuses on River, a slender girl-queen ahead of her. She does not see that the girl's eyes are closed, or how her bare feet shrink from the cold floor.

At a junction in the corridor, River leads away to the right with her two guards. Inara is pulled back to the left as she tries to follow, like a lost child. River glances back at her, dark hair falling into her eyes, and then she is gone, walking ahead of her guards, knowing the way.

****

In the common room adjacent to the kitchen, Simon sits, resting stiffly with his elbows on his knees. An oil lamp casts a comfortless yellow glow from the coffee table. He checks a chronometer, the time ticking by too slowly, yet for the span of his existence, not nearly slow enough. Kaylee notices his tension, and turns to Book, "D'ya think that the cap will really, I mean, he won't . . . he's not gonna -kill- Simon, right?"

"Nothing of the sort will happen, I promise you that," says the shepherd. Simon doesn't hear, but Kaylee stares at Book, barely visible at the edge of the light, in fear.

***

Wash bends over the console, listening to the Alliance chatter,"We've got three of those gorram Alliance 'cruisers in the area, one of which is mucking up the horizon. The other two are holding orbit above the capital. Not to mention the brand new arrest warrants have been clogging the Cortex with every one of our names on it." He curses, "They even have an impoundment notice for Serenity," his voice breaks over that last. 

"We are so humped." He turns and looks at Zoe, going back to his original thought in frustration, "It would be hard enough finding Inara and River in just one of those cruisers, let alone three. What the hell are they all doing here anyhow?" Zoe pushes off and strides out of the bridge towards the infirmary, Wash just watches her go.

****

"Sir, we have River Tam in custody, should we send out a wave to--" St. Juana wipes the sweat from his brow, still dressed in his field clothes.

"No, not yet. I don't want those corporate suits breathing down our necks until after we have the brother under our roof." His commanding officer, one Petre Kibrom, looks on edge.

"I'll begin the interrogations--" St. Juana turns to go. 

Kibrom looks sharply at his subordinate.

"Only the companion."

St. Juana hesitates.

Kibrom continues, "I want a standing order put out that under no circumstances is anyone to speak to --or listen to the girl. She's a danger." 

****

River turns to face the door as she continues to slowly walk away from it. She reaches out with precision to touch either wall, on the far side of the small room. She slides down, wrapping her arms about her knees, shivers, closing her eyes as she is washed over by something unseen. She opens her eyes, confused, lost. She uncurls herself and presses her hands back to the wall, staring at the solid flatness of them, panicked.

"Remember . . . remember what it was like to feel safe," she commands herself. Her hand trembles as she watches it float away from the wall. It is an effort to force her hand back, her face screwed up in childish determination, crying now, "You," she bites her lip," . . . can't pay no more."

****

Mal lies still in the silence of the infirmary. He opens his eyes, staring quietly at the ceiling for a moment. Turning, he sees the dark curls of Zoe, her back to him as she sits in a chair between him and the center table. He takes a breath, parts his lips, moistening his mouth. 

"Zoe?", his voice thick. She turns, "Sir." He stares at her, seeing trouble in her eyes, "That bad?"

"Nothing that can't wait, sir."

"Thanks." He closes his eyes, shaking off the last of the drug, not really ready to handle anything just yet. Zoe gets up and gets a cup of water from the sink. Mal opens his eyes, his head lolling to the side, and sees Jayne lying still on the other table. He closes his eyes in pain. After a moment he sits up, swinging his legs over the edge, and Zoe steadies him with one hand. When his vision clears, he takes the cup and sips slowly.

"River?"

"Taken."

He let's this sink in, clenches his jaw, seeing that there's more. 

Barely a whisper, "Kaylee?" 

Zoe's face softens at the chance to give good news, "She's fine sir, she's here." 

She breathes, "It's worse." 

Zoe takes a deep breath and coldly states, "Inara's been arrested, there are three Alliance cruisers about, arrest warrants have been posted for the lot of us, and we've taken cover near--" She stops as she sees that Mal is looking beyond her, seeming not to listen.

Silence, he waits. "Where's Simon?" he asks, casually.

Zoe cocks her head.

"Common area. We were all waiting for you to wake up so I can kill him." She says this last bit lightly.

"Oh." Mal is still gathering his wits about him, distant, still a little lost.

"So . . .can I kill him?" She is hopeful.

"No."

With more edge, she pushes on, "He meant to kill you, he would have if he wasn't such poor shot. I think intentions count here, sir." 

He looks at her firmly. "I'll handle him myself, Zoe." 

She is content with that, has to be. Mal turns his attention back to Jayne, not asking the question. Zoe glances sidelong at Mal, says quietly, "It's near miraculous. Every bullet . . . missed his lungs. His heart. Nicked an artery. Three inches lower and anyone of those would have killed him instantly. Tore his shoulder apart pretty good, though. If he makes it through this . . . if we make it through this, we're gonna be a man short for awhile." 

Mal doesn't respond, but finishes the water and hops down, handling all the news rather well.

"Sir, I don't think--" but he brushes past her, stopping in the doorway as a wave of nausea hits him, from the drug, the water, or something else. He strides back to the sink and promptly throws up the water he just drank. His eyes tear and he runs the faucet, splashing it into his mouth. Zoe steadies him as he stands, his legs weakening.

"I'm fine." He tries to push past her, but she stands her ground, grasping his other arm. He is overcome by a violent fit of shaking. He clenches his jaw, nostrils flaring as he breathes deeply. He whispers a long line of curses, clutching at Zoe, not looking at her, gathering his strength.

Outside Wash sees them, stepping back into the shadows. Feeling more intrusive than jealous, perhaps understanding.

***

She sits alone, the weight of the light holding her down, grounding her to the reality of the cold room. Brown hands lay lightly clasped in her lap, stains in her dress matching. She waits in silence, fear gripping her tightly. She listens to her breath as it fills her lungs, air rushes through her blood to her very toes even as it waits to be pushed back out, rising through her chest. She follows her breath in and out of her body with her mind's eye. 

Glistening eyes betray her fright, a flicker under dark lashes. Her lips part as she pulls in another breath, and it stays there as the door opens.

St. Juana enters.

Inara breathes out. 

He stands at the far end of the table, unwilling to sit in front of that dark gaze that is suddenly leveled at him. She tilts her chin and raises an expectant brow, waiting.

"We've contacted the local Guild authorities as you requested, in your own words. We're awaiting a reply."

She looks away, having heard everything that she wanted to for the moment.

"But let me cast aside any illusions you may have about their being any assistance to you in this instance: They won't be."

Inara looks back, her eyes betraying her vulnerability.

St. Juana continues, gathering strength in her weakness, her fear, "This is bigger than them, what you're involved in," he gazes coolly at her, "I'm your only friend now."

***

Mal walks the darkened corridors with ease, knowing every step. He walks the whole of the ship this way. Finally, with a last pause and his thoughts finally together, he heads back toward the common area. 

A soft step and a swinging light herald Kaylee as she walks towards him. She spots him and quickens her pace, "Cap'n!"

"Hey little Kaylee," he rests his hands on her shoulders, the lantern at her side lighting them both from below.

"Zoe said you'd woken, and then you disappeared."

"I'm still here," noting the worry in her voice as he takes the lantern from her, hooking it up on the wall so he can see her better. He runs his hands over her hair, studying her face. 

She looks back at him, smiling brightly, hopefully, "Working on a plan?"

"Yeah, something like that."

She remembers something and sobers, "So . . . if it works, you're plan, I mean, what will happen then? Everything will be all right then-- if the plan works out, right?"

Mal hesitates, not willing to dampen her spirits, "Right as rain," he allows, "But that don't mean things will go back as they were. Serenity will keep flying, and that's all that . . ." Mal can't finish, and kisses her firmly on the forehead, "You'll keep her flying for me."

Kaylee begins to catch on to something not right with Mal, "And Simon, Simon can stay, right? You won't hurt him, or turn him in, right?" Mal stares unanswering.

"You're not going to because . . . you won't." She falls back onto her own persuasive logic.

Mal smiles, and manages to reassure her on that count, "No, I won't hurt Simon." They smile at each other a moment. He then gathers her into his arms, breathing a sigh of relief, "I almost lost you."

"I'm still here." She mumbles into his chest.

*** 

River stands, shivering in the wind, tall grass rippling around her. She walks down a long hill, palms downward, caressing the sunlit grass. Catching and releasing the inflorescences, pushing outward; swimming. The sky darkens ahead, sun still shining on the closest hills.

"Remember what it was like to feel safe." She repeats as if in meditation. She sees a door, and walks through it and up to Inara, sitting alone in her chair amongst the tall grass, waiting. 

She looks at River's feet, "I knew what it was."

River puts her hand on Inara's shoulder, "He's coming."

Inara looks directly at the waif of a girl, "The job was done. He would take care of you. I should have left."

The shadows move closer.

***

Low murmurings are heard as Mal treads softly through the kitchen. The table lantern flickers, casting malevolent shadows. 

Silence descends as they realize he is standing behind them. Nobody speaks. Nobody dares. Mal looks them over. Book. Kaylee. Lastly he looks at the doctor, who fearfully ignores him. 

"Simon."

He doesn't move, frozen. Kaylee seats herself back next to him, squeezes his hand, trying to reassure him. Not so sure herself.

Mal sighs impatiently, "I don't have time for this," Mal steps forward into the room, "Simon. Cargo bay. Now."

***

Beyond Inara the grass stretches back up another hill, "Remember safe," River whispers, "A shade of safe."

The silhouette of a woman stands gracefully against the sky. River begins to ascend, perceiving dark hair curling in the wind. She is curved and shapely, standing very still, waiting. Her back is turned to River, and it becomes harder to make her out as the sky behind her grows impossibly dark with threatening clouds. Soon the shadows overtake River as she nears the crest, and the world is cast in gloom. A sliver of light on the horizon glimmers as River reaches the woman. She walks around her, whispering, "Ma-ma?" 

As she finally sees her face, she screams, falling back into the grass, which curls and blackens under her hands. 

Before her stands a woman, dead many days. What parts of her aren't bloated are charred. Her teeth gape at River in a silent unending scream. The hills around her burn, the unseen fire blistering the earth, and the sky opens up to the stars.

River scrambles back, slamming into the wall of her cell. Tears stream down her face as she gasps for air.

"Bad!"

***

Simon stands slowly, resolute, gently disengaging from Kaylee's grasp. 

Mal, "Good. I don't want this any more difficult than it has to be," as Book steps in front of Simon.

"Boy's not going anywhere."

"That's really sweet Shepherd, but it ain't your decision. MY boat."

"I'll not stand idle while you kill him in cold blood."

"Huh," Mal hooks his thumbs in his belt. "Is that what you think? I'd say it's coming back to a boil." Mal looks at Simon, "You got a real knack for inspiring mutiny," he spares a cold passing glance at Kaylee, who is suddenly confused and hurt by this change in Mal's demeanor. He returns his attention to Book, "You can join us in the cargo bay if you like, Shepherd. Kill two birds, as they say. Or you can step out my way, old man." 

Wash wanders in, barely a shadow of movement far from the light, "What's going on? What did I miss? We're having birds for dinner?" Everyone ignores him.

When Mal pushes past Book, the older man grabs him and slams him bodily against the wall, holding Mal's gun under his chin. Wash waylays Kaylee as she rushes over, "Hey, we'll stay away from guns . . . Zoe, what the hell is--" A din of shouts ensues as Wash looks askance at the darkness of the doorway. 

Book growls, "There'll be no killi--" 

"Stand down Preacher," Zoe demands, stepping into the room and chambering her sawed-off, pointing it at Book.

"Kaylee, calm . . . Zoe, will someone please explain what the hel--" 

"Shepherd, it's okay, he won't--" Kaylee tries to reason with Book.

Wash looks around for enlightenment, "Please, why are there guns being pointed--"

"Mal, you won't . . . you promi--" she pleads, turning her cries to the silent captain.

"Book." Zoe states simply, digging the muzzle harder into the side of his head.

"I'll not stand by and wat--" he spits back.

"Enough!" Simon manages to shout, teeth gritted in pain, "There's no need, Zoe . . . I'm going." He turns to Book, "Let him go," adding despairingly, "It's over." 

Book hesitates, then reluctantly withdraws his weapon, leaving Mal to rub at his jaw. Zoe quickly disarms the shepherd and bruskly ushers him out of Mal's way and seats Book next to Simon, who wavers on his feet. A clear path lays between the captain and Simon_. _

Between breaths, Mal manages, "That's the second time today that my own gun has been turned on me." He straightens, looking at Book, "I'll deal with you later," he walks over to Simon, taking his gun back from Zoe without breaking eye contact with the doctor. Mal's face shades the younger man, the glow of the lantern at Mal's back. After a moment he steps aside, simply saying, "Simon."

The doctor walks past him as Mal glares one last time at Book, then turns to leave.

Kaylee begins to doubt in earnest Mal's good intentions toward Simon, "You can't do this! Captain!" 

Wash can't help but agree, glancing at his wife, looking for reassurance that he's on the right side of this argument, "Yeah, Mal, isn't this a bit---"

Mal stops, grabbing Simon's arm at the edge of the light. 

"You can't abide by my say-so, you can't trust my decisions . . . then you're on the wrong boat." Mal turns and addresses this to the lot of them. He looks them over one last time, his anger replaced by a resolute sadness. Wash and Kaylee look away, flinching from Mal's scorn. The shepherd stares back, his anger clear in the direct glow of the lantern.

Zoe senses something not quite right, but says nothing as Mal leads Simon into the darkness towards the cargo bay. 

***

Inara stares balefully at St. Juana as a corporal enters and whispers in his ear. The commander face does not change at whatever the news is. Inara feels a glimmer of hope and pride stir within herself. He looks at her, understanding the slight look of smugness that has crept into her face, which makes what he has to say more enjoyable.

"The Guild has refused to involve themselves, and they decline your request for aid." 

He smiles a malicious smile at her, "If you still wish the presence of counsel before we begin, one can be appointed to you." 

Her lips part as the abandonment hits her. She stares unseeing at the table for a moment, then shakes her head.

"No."

***

__

Kaylee hears someone approaching from where she sits with the others, gathered around in the semi-circle of the lounge. Footsteps descend the stairs into the kitchen and cross the darkness to the lounge, the only sound besides her breathing. She looks up as a man steps into the edge of the lamplight. Anxiety turns to horror as she sees Mal, alone, hands dripping blood.

Kaylee sucks in a breath as she sees the light spill over Simon as he enters their circle, alone. His eyes dart over them, shaken. He looks at the expectant faces of the remaining crew, then down to his hands. He shies from Zoe as she sees that he holds Mal's holster and gun in his left hand.

Zoe breaks the silence, "Where's Mal?" 

"Not here." 

Which opens a floodgate of questions and demands. Kaylee rushes past him, making him wince, angrily crying, "What did you do to him?!" as she runs off the cargo bay. 

"What do you mean 'not here'?" Book is suspicious, standing so that his face leaves the light.

"Babe, what's going on?" Wash gets no answer and hesitates only a moment before he heads after Kaylee. 

In the torrent of noise, Simon walks up to Book, trying to firm up his will, "Mal apologizes for not being here to give you this himself." 

Simon decks Book soundly, shaking his hand from the sting. His face goes a shade paler as he involuntarily lets out a little hiss and wraps his arm around his stomach.

"I'm going to check on Jayne," and Simon manages, and turns to leave. Zoe catches his arm, stopping him, 

"Where's Mal?" Her question still unanswered. Simon looks her in the eye, "He's gone," he hands her the holster and gun, staring at her a moment longer, "He said to give him fifteen minutes," he shakes loose, "Now, if you don't mind." And he turns his back on her, leaving her to the confusion.

***

River scrubs at her eyes, finally getting herself under control. No longer confused, her eyes seeing clearly what is around her. She holds onto that, memorizes the firmness of the walls, the floor. She rubs her face one last time, standing, unsteady for a moment, and walks over to the door, cocking her ear toward it. As her fingertips slide over the blank smoothness of the door, she recoils, clutching her head as she stubbornly recites to herself, 

"Religious experience might mean a direct experience of a religious entity *_you won't find him_*." 

A loud ringing is in her ears as she continues, "If person P has religious experience R *_I won't let you_*. And by definition anyone who has a religious experience has a direct experience of God. *_Daddy*! _Therefore, person P has a direct experience of God." She becomes calmer, but does not take her hands from her ears as the ringing fades, "This is fundamentally flawed. The existence of God cannot be proven even as it can not be disproven, which is not a validation in . . . ."

Silence.

Finally she removes her hands, wrapping her arms around her thin legs. Bowing her head into her lap, she whispers, "Lao tien foo, help me." 

***

Simon turns on the faucet in the infirmary and sticks his fist underneath, remembering a time when Mal did the same thing, and gives a dry laugh. Zoe enters behind him, alone. Simon ignores her for a moment, drying his hands. He checks Jayne's vitals and is satisfied. 

She waits. 

He glances at her, working slowly but with purpose. He begins to change the bandaging on Jayne. She is patient, counting the remaining minutes internally.

Finally, still unfinished with Jayne, Simon begins, "I need you to get the tracker, it's either in one of the bridge lockers or the bay. Tell Wash to get a line to the Guild, explain Inara's situation, maybe they can help. I want you to--" 

Zoe dumps the holster and gun onto a counter and gets up in his face, time and patience apparently being up, "First you need to tell me what the hell has happened and where Mal went."

"There isn't any ti--" Simon fires back.

"Unless you're the acting captain, I suggest you Make tim--"

"I AM--"

Wash interrupts, "Zoe, Mal on line one!"

Zoe jerks to the comm, double taking on Simon's last words.

***

Wash sits alone on the bridge, listening to Mal's tinny voice over the comm.   


"Listen up . . . "   


Kaylee stands in the open cargo bay door, staring at the mule tracks in the wet grass at the bottom of the ramp. She starts at Mal's voice.

In the kitchen, alone, is Book, an icepack forgotten in his hand as he stares into the darkness, listening. He had moved the lamp to the kitchen table, and it glowed under his face, turning his eyes into dark pools.

". . . We're not much in the way of time . . . "   


Simon stands in the dark of the infirmary, his hands resting on Jayne's shoulder, holding down a dressing as he hesitates wrapping the gauze. Zoe's eyes glint in the cool darkness as she levels a firm look at Simon.   


". . . or resources . . . "   


Outside the rain has stopped. The mule stands idle in the brush on the outskirts of a town, the fan still clicking in the moonlight as the engine cools. A path through the brush opens out onto a scattering of buildings and huddled dark masses.   


" . . . Zoe, I need you to work with Simon on this one . . . "   


The crackle of the comm fills the whole of Serenity.   


In the moonlight there is the gleam of a shuttle, glinting with beads of rain.   


" . . . he knows what needs doing."   


Mal sits in the pilot chair, his face bathed blue and grey. The ornate drapes behind him closing off the rest of Inara's shuttle. A large-gauge syringe glints as he throws it to the floor, rubbing his forearm, grimacing.   


"We have been profiled folk" he says, "Our days are marked and numbered."   


Kaylee sinks onto the floor, her eyes downcast.  


"Serenity has been tagged by the feds, and I'll be understanding if any one of you decides to try your luck on your own." Mal chuffs out a bitter laugh quietly to himself, but shakes it off, clearing his throat, "The way I figger the thing of it is" he grits his teeth, "One of these days that tag is gonna catch up on us . . . and I'd rather the 'sooner' getting my people back, than later having run away." Mal flips a switch, the cabin lights beginning to flicker, powering the ship. 

"He's at the shuttle?" Zoe asks. Simon nods without looking at her.  


Zoe stares at Simon, her lips parting, arms unfolding, in dawning realization,"They've laid a trap."   


Simon meets her gaze, nodding his head as he stumbles on the words, "He . . . he was counting on it."   


Wash stands, staggering backwards a step, cursing.   


Simon, "He's giving himself up".   


Mal pushes a lever forward, his face stern as he starts the engines. Suddenly the shuttle is awash in a flood of lights as Alliance vehicles come to life in a circle around the lone shuttle. Bullhorns crackle out orders to lay down arms and shadows begin forcing open the hatch.   


In the kitchen the comm gives out one last crackle . . . "Kaylee--" and silence echoes throughout the ship.   


Only the sound of Kaylee sucking in a breath, casting her eyes up, searching for the sound of Mal's voice.   


Book stands still, "Four down." He huffs outs a dry laugh, "Damned fool."   


In the infirmary Simon finishes the dressing, ripping off the extra gauze as he hangs his head, looking anywhere but at Zoe, who's mouth still gapes open, her eyes bright.   


Back at the glare of floodlights and deep shadows of the village, feds rush inside. Flashes of yellow light illuminate the window of the cockpit, the shuttle soon to be lost in the greater blackness of the night, and the brightness of the moonlight bathing blue over desert. 


	4. Hope of Morning

****

Author's Note: _Chapter 4 of 8_

****

Summary: As Captain, Simon holds the lives of the crew in his hands. In the sanctuary of the abbey will the crew survive the night? Or will morning bring word that the plan has failed and Simon's own life is forfeit?

****

Choices

__

"The vision was brutally clear: he had to wonder at the clarity of it. Few things in a soldier's life were so clear as this, so black-line etched that he could actually see the blue troops for one long bloody moment, going up the long slope to the stony top as if it were already done and a memory already, an odd, set, stony quality to it, as if tomorrow had occurred and there was nothing you could do about it, the way you sometimes feel before a foolish attack, knowing it will fail but you cannot stop it or even run away but must even take part and help it fail. But never this clearly. There was always some hope." - The Killer Angels

****

Hope of Morning

The night is still, not even the wind to stir the grass. A dark clear sky has opened up. 

Clean sky, black, sparkling with too many stars. To the west the capital makes the horizon glow a permanent dawn, but on the outskirts of New Weston no lights mar the night. Only the blue glow of moonlight wrapping around Serenity as she rests, quiet and still, stars glinting in the raindrops trickling down her back. 

Inside is darkness, except for a scattering of lanterns illuminating faces and hands still with shock. Only the infirmary glows blue; the only room where the emergency power was risked. 

Zoe stares at Simon, her chest heaving a deep breath. He eyes her warily, chin tilted stubbornly as he awaits her decision. 

"You have to trust me, Zoe." The firmness of his voice belies the fear in his eyes. 

She waits a moment longer before she grabs the gun from the counter and walks back to Simon. Before he can retreat or react, she slams it into his gut. He instinctively takes it, grimacing. He shoots a look up at her, filled with fear, remembering Mal's criteria for his death. 

He shoves it back.

She pushes it back into his chest, "Take it," she grits.

"Why, so you can kill me?" He eyes her distrustfully.

She spits back, "Because I can only watch your back so much."

With that she strides back to the comm on the wall.

"Kaylee, fire it up!"

She doesn't look back as she pushes out through the infirmary doors.

Simon is left alone, staring in disbelief at what has been given to him, releasing a pent up breath at the price of it.

***

Wash runs down from the bridge, nearly colliding with Zoe on the gangway as she races through the darkness from the infirmary.

"Wash, get us in the air and take us east." 

Wash nods, heart racing, "You got a plan?"

"No." Zoe lingers in the silence of the dark, "Simon does."

The interior lights flicker on, incredibly bright, revealing an incredulous Wash as he holds her challenging gaze for a moment. He nods again and runs back to the bridge. 

Zoe turns on her heel and finds Kaylee re-entering the kitchen from the engine room, "We need the tracker, and do you know--"

"On it." Kaylee runs off as Zoe turns her attention to Book, "There's an abbey on this lawn, got any friends there as can take Jayne?"

Book turns an inquisitive gaze at her, "Some."

***

"If you stay in this zone, there's a good chance we won't show up on the radar." Kaylee traces her finger across a screen on the main console of the bridge, leaning over Wash.

"That's kinda dangerous, isn't Kaylee?" Zoe looks concerned. Kaylee straightens, silent in the absence of a better idea, and backs up a step, turning to the co-pilot station and folding herself back in the chair, tinkering with a small box sprouting wires and duct tape, lights blipping on the screen.

Wash answers, "I think I can handle some low flying. We'll just have to watch out for patrol ships, in which case I'll have to be crafty and evasive-like. 'Sides," he darkens, "Can't be any more dangerous than what that liou mahng has got us doing."

Zoe looks troubled, retorts, "You don't like it--"

"Doesn't mean I won't do it, babe, I just . . . Don't you think it's a little odd we're taking orders from the same--" Zoe squeezes his shoulder hard.

Wash doesn't take his eyes away from the nav screen, clenching his jaw, "I was standing just on _this _side of the door when Simon shot at him!"

"I know," she murmurs, fingers still digging into his shoulder.

Wash looks up at her, and at her nod, over to Kaylee, who sits, biting her lip, eyes intent on the floor. Her shoulders are tense, rigid, as she tries very hard to pretend she isn't hearing what Wash is saying. He clears his throat, "It's shiny, really . . . Have you got a lock on Mal yet?"

Kaylee sits silent for a moment, then says in clipped, flat tones, "Working on it, but . . . Heading towards the North Folk Abbey . . . " She sighs in frustration, "It's taking us further from where we wanna be going." She doesn't look at him, but stares firmly at the screen.

Wash tries to lighten things back up, "Yeah, well, let's just hope he's this side of the ozone. We break atmo and we're sure to be spotted. Which sorta ruins that whole 'crafty' thing." He fails miserably. 

Zoe is no longer listening, watching the feed off the Cortex, "Honey, did you notice anything about our arrest warrants?" 

He glances over at her, "Besides us being absolutely humped?"

***

Zoe enters the infirmary, standing just inside the doorway. Book and Simon stop their quiet conversation, looking at her, faces unreadable.

"Book, we're almost to the abbey. Get on up to the bridge and send them a wave." 

He nods, turns to Simon as he gets up from his seat, "Think about it." Simon looks at him, troubled. Zoe watches Book disdainfully as he walks past her out the door. She waits until he is out of earshot, listening to his fading footsteps, before she turns her attention to Simon, who now has the holster fastened about his waste and thigh.

"Think about what?"

He glances at her, uncomfortable, "He's . . . he's not happy with the plan."

"What exactly _is _the plan?"

"As of right now, the plan is to wait. "

"That being the case . . . hell, Simon, _I'm_ not happy with the _plan_." Her tone is light, but a darkness broods in her eyes. Then her voice darkens as well, "I'm not happy with the fact that you're still alive, or that you're not where Mal is right now." 

Simon hangs his head, looking away, "I'm . . . "

Zoe cuts him off, "I _understand_ why you did it. I get it, I do."

Simon doesn't reply, breathing steadily through his nose, eyes still averted.

"I get that, to you, your loyalties to your sister take priority over everything, and everyone, else."

Simon jerks his head up, fighting back the shame that colors his face.

"What you don't seem to get is that you're part of this crew now, and as such, you have an obligation to trust and follow Mal's decisions. It wasn't just your sister he left out there. It was Kaylee and Jayne as well. He'd have to have a mighty good reason to just leave all of them. And he did."

Simon manages to look at her without flinching, whispering in a choked voice, "I know."

"Inara knows too, now, doesn't she?"

Simon does flinch this time, "Look, if you--"

"Mal said follow. I'll do that so long as his plan holds.."

"If it doesn't?"

"I won't kill you, that was for the Captain to do. I assume he has his reasons for not," She begins.

Simon looks relieved.

"I'll just hand you over to the Alliance."

"Well," Simon quips, some of his dryness returning, "Let's hope his plan holds then."

Zoe stares at him silently, measuring him. He stares back, a bit challenging, slightly perplexed.

"There's something else, isn't there?" He gives her his full attention.

"The warrants on the Cortex, they're being re-cycled. I watched them through three times."

Simon waits for her to continue, she doesn't. "Where are you going with this? I know we're all--"

"Not once did Shepherd Book come up."

Simon stops, looking at her in surprise, gears churning, "Under another name maybe?"

"No, nothing. Eight names total. I even checked our manifest, any record of him in Serenity has been erased. Yet somehow they know you and River were aboard."

"No. No, I see where you're going with this. I don't think it's that. It . . . it makes no sense. Perhaps it could be that since the feds finally connected us back to Ariel City, well . . . Book wasn't with us then . . . " Simon taps the empty capped needle in his hand on the edge of the bed, looking down at Jayne.

"How would they know that? Still makes no sense, Simon." Zoe is clearly discomforted by this new uncertainty.

Simon tries again to reason his way out of potential problem, "It's not a glitch?" 

"No."

"We got a free man on board?"

"Yes."

"Maybe . . . maybe we can use that."

***

By the steady light of an electric lamp on a desk polished with age, a large man sits reading. He turns the page to the right, soft almond eyes absorbed with the Chinese characters. His face is wide and smooth, dark hair short and brushed forward over his brow. He is dressed for bed, a tunic of clean simple lines, buttoned diagonally across his broad chest. He reaches for a small clay cup, the air above it steaming, cloves, cardamom, and ginger scent the air. As he sips, he looks to his left, to the door, as he hears someone approaching out in the hallway. Through the shoji screen the glow of a candle floats, pausing outside his door. 

He waits, and soon a soft knock accompanies a quavering voice, "Shepherd Chow?"

He marks the page and closes the book, the light glinting off golden embossed letters and characters, in the Sino-Anglo fashion, spelling out Anarchist Morality. With infinite patience and grace he stands and walks the few steps to slide open the door; all of his movement efficient and fluid.

"Old Father," he greets an aged man, toy-like next to Chow, "It is late."

"Never too late for guests, it seems." The old man smiles, not disturbed in the least, and hands Chow a small hand comm.

"A friend of yours, Shepherd Book, wishes to speak to you. He is coming here, with others, he says." 

Chow lays a large hand gently on the old man's shoulders, "I will see to it. Tomorrow is an early morning, and you should be resting."

Old Father nods and steps back, returning back down the hallway, tired feet shuffling over the stones. Chow waits till he is gone, the comm weighing heavily in his hand, before he responds.

***

Nestled on a low hill, the abbey appears as a tumble of dark shadow and silver-blue roofs; a scattering of yellow windows marking the few inhabitants who are still awake. Water still runs off the roof in light trickles here and there, but the sky is open and clear above, stars shining brightly down. 

Outside the abbey walls a lone man carries lanterns, two in each hand, out onto a flat expanse where the cattle had grazed the grass low, setting them apart in a large rectangle. The lanterns illuminate the hem of his robe. 

Farther away and higher up in the night sky, they are barely pinpricks.

Chow returns to the abbey gate, where a fifth lantern hangs on the stone wall, and waits.

He can hear it before he sees the shadow gliding towards him. Soon, the undisguisable roar of an engine grows louder, then changes tone as the engines turn vertical, and an ungainly ship lowers herself upon the ground marked by the four lanterns. The engines blow out the lights, and send the lanterns themselves tumbling.

The ramp lowers, light spilling out onto the pasture, illuminating the abbey wall and Chow faintly. The whine of the engines continues as five figures emerge, one carried on a metal stretcher by a dark woman and Book. Chow smiles as he recognizes his old friend. A young woman, a girl really, walks beside them, holding a small bag attached to the man on the stretcher. In the lead is a young dark haired man, holding himself tall despite a stiffness in his gait, his arm absently curled around his stomach. 

They walk towards him and the lantern. "Sanctuary," Chow laughs to himself, despite the direness of his guest's situation. 

The ramp begins to close, and Chow looks back to the ship. Inside stands a man, hand still on the inner control panel, disheveled hair and a bright shirt visible only for a moment before he and the lighted interior are sealed off. Chow takes the lantern from the wall as they near, turning his back on them as Serenity begins its ascent. He does not try to welcome them over the roar of the departing ship, but leads them through the gates, into the dark maze of the abbey.

***

Zoe leans the two separated halves of the stretcher against the abbey's infirmary back wall as Simon makes sure that Jayne is stable. Kaylee stands by Jayne's feet, watching Simon go about his business in silence. 

She watches Zoe and the doctor a moment longer, waiting for one of them to speak. Looking agitatedly over her shoulder where Chow and Book stand just on the other side of the wall, out in the courtyard, she can hear them talking low.

Simon finally looks over at her. 

She smiles nervously at him, "What do we do now?"

Simon glances at Zoe before speaking, "Wait until Wash gets back with the shuttle. In the meantime, have you got a lock on Mal yet?"

Kaylee looks guilty, "No."

"You should see to that then." Simon gives her a blank look, weariness making him detached.

"Right," she says after a moment, backing out of the room, sliding the door open and stepping out onto the covered walkway surrounding the interior of the courtyard. Chow and Book stop speaking, looking at her in silence. 

**

Back in the infirmary, Zoe watches Simon take inventory of the abbey's medical supplies and equipment. Despite the sprawling antiquity the abbey exudes, the infirmary is a marvel of clean surfaces and modern equipment. Not the latest, but by far better than Serenity's own prefab hospital-in-a-box. She sees him wince as he reaches for an upper cabinet, notices that the nape of his neck and hair are matted with dried blood.

"How are you doing?"

He takes his time before he turns to her, still unable to hide the surprise on his face.

"Fine," he says distractedly, turning back to his search of the upper cabinets. She stares at him, arms crossed, till the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end.

"Do you really care?" he says tiredly, giving up on the top shelves and lowering his raised arms slowly and deliberately.

Zoe stares at Jayne for a moment, then pointedly back to Simon. 

He finally relents, admitting, "Broken ribs. Nothing for it."

Zoe looks sharply at him, beginning to walk towards him, "You've got a lot of possibilities here, have you even considered them all when you tell me 'nothing for it'?"

Simon backs up against the counter, eyes wide despite his best efforts to keep a cool demeanor.

Zoe looks at the door before it slides open, and Chow enters alone. Simon breathes a small sigh of relief. The shepherd closes the door behind him, looking from Zoe and Simon's relative stances to the patient on his table. 

He ignores their obvious state of conflict. "Do you have everything that you need, Doctor . . . ?" He trails off.

"Simon, and no, your facilities are wonderful. Thank you." Simon regains his composure, stepping around Zoe.

"I'm glad that I can offer you such assistance, and apologize that we have no physician of our own to aid you. Book has informed me of your situation. If ther--"

Zoe looks uncomfortable at this prospect, "Did he now?"

"Yes, is there a problem?" Chow asks ingenuously.

"Depends on how it is that you feel about taking us in given our 'situation'."

"Nothing but sympathy, I assure you."

Simon interjects, "What about the rest of the abbey, how will they feel?"

"They don't need to know," Chow says smoothly.

"That seems a little . . . dishonest." Zoe folds her arms.

Chow smiles, clearly understanding their discomfort, "My faith mandates that I obey both the laws of man and of God. Sometimes those two don't agree, and while it is clear to me who is the higher authority . . . my soul can withstand the stain of a tactful omission. Is there any other way that I can assist you?"

"How well do you know Book?"

"Well enough." Chow becomes a little wary at Simon's inquiry.

"Then do you know what his connection to the Alliance is?"

"I couldn't say." The Shepherd sidesteps that question neatly. Simon nods, backing down.

Zoe is still not assured of their safety, "This is a pretty big risk for you, taking us in. What if we are discovered here?"

"The Alliance knows better than to question the word of Old Father if he pleads ignorance. The risk we take is small." Chow gives them a moment, then, "If that is all, I have shown your young mechanic the guest rooms on the other side of the courtyard as well as the kitchen and baths. Book awaits your pilot back at the gate. If I am to accompany him tomorrow, I would like to get things in order. Good night to you both."

With a small bow he disappears back out the door, into a night made seemingly inky from the well-lit interior. 

***

Simon steps out into the courtyard, sliding the door closed behind him, but Zoe catches it, covering his hand with hers inadvertently. She doesn't apologize, but dims the light instead and exits, closing the shoji door behind her. Standing under the stone arches that border the courtyard, they wait in silence. Directly across the starlit grass, and what must be an herb and vegetable garden, the kitchen wall glows faintly, as do the guestrooms on the far right. Three stories surround and shelter the courtyard, a few lights still on in windows on the second and third floors. Rain chains suspended from the gutters on the roofs tinkle as water runs down them, collecting into barrels or halved bamboo. Falling onto deer chasers that knock softly, muffled, one of the rare impracticalities of the abbey. 

A cool wind ruffles Simon's hair as he watches Kaylee step from a guestroom and walk the perimeter to meet him and Zoe. From the left footsteps are heard splashing in the puddles on the stone walk. Book carries the lantern and a duffle bag, and behind him walks Wash, who carries two more duffels.

Simon gives him a questioning look, which Wash finally sees as he nears.

"Clothes," Wash explains, hefting a duffle, his tone more than a little unkind.

Simon looks down, realizing that he, nor Kaylee, had changed in the hours since finding Jayne, their clothes stained darkly and heavily.

"Just a thought," he says handing Simon one of the duffel bags. "There's some more goodies back on the shuttle. I raided Jayne's room and found some girly mags I thought the shepherds might enjoy." He turns to Zoe, a shadow of concern over his face, "How's he doing?" 

Zoe flicks her eyes over to Simon, who answers in her stead, 

"Same."

Kaylee nears them, stopping at the door and peeking in at Jayne. Saying softly, "Still no luck on Mal. I'm thinking that the same atmospheric distortion that kept us off the radar is blocking the signal too." She turns away but doesn't look at anyone, hugging the tracker to her chest as she stares at the ground.

Wash drops the bags on a dry spot and leans against one of the stone columns near to Zoe, trying to hide his anxiousness.

Simon stands opposite Kaylee, on the edge of the walk just onto the grass, his back to the kitchen. Book passes him, dropping the bag next to the other, keeping Simon between him and Zoe, who has walked around behind the doctor to stand on the wet lawn, keeping herself between Wash and Simon.

With the remaining crew of Serenity gathered, Simon speaks softly, in respect to the nearby sleeping residents, 

"All right people," he begins. "We don't know how much time we have before we have more to deal with than just the Alliance--"

"Isn't that enough?" Wash breaks in before Simon has really started, "The Alliance, I mean." 

Simon barely gives him pause, "At Ariel a second group responded very quickly. I don't know who they were, but we most assuredly don't want to deal with them. I'm going to assume that they have already been made aware of our presence on this planet. Once we get a lead on where River, Mal and Inara are being held, we'll send in a scout to get the layout, determine security. Shepherd Chow has agreed to accompany Book under the guise of prison missionaries--"

Kaylee interjects, "Wait, how is that possible when all of us got warrants--?"

Simon glances at Book, who nods wearily, "Shepherd Book doesn't."

"How--" Kaylee begins.

"Is not important right now," Simon finishes. "We are merely gathering information. Once we get that, we can decide from there how we will proceed. Priority for rescue is River, then Mal-- if things go wrong on his end."

Wash wrinkles his brow, "What about Inara?"

Kaylee suggests, "Why River first? Can't we get them both out at the same time?"

"If things go _right _on Mal's end, we won't have to worry about him, or ourselves for that matter. As for Inara . . . " Simon struggles to form the words, "She's not our concern."

Kaylee protests, "Wait just a min--"

"That's straight from Mal. It's final. Anything we do for her that isn't legal could jeopardize her even more."

Wash has a hard time swallowing this, "I'm sorry, but this whole deal is sounding worse and worse. We leave 'Nara to the wolves and count on Book to save us? Does anyone else have a problem with this?"

Zoe stretches her hand out to Wash's arm, silencing him.

Simon stands firm, "It's the only plan, and it stays. Book can and will enter the Alliance facility."

Wash pushes off the column, "No, I can think of one more--"

Zoe cuts him off, "Not an option, honey."

Kaylee looks from Zoe to Wash, "What's not an option?"

Wash glares at his wife, "And just why the guai not?"

Simon looks panicked, looking to Zoe.

"It won't work, dear. We give the Alliance what they want, we have no guarantee that they won't continue to hunt us."

"So we bargain." Wash pushes on, "We send Book in and we make a deal."

Kaylee catches Simon's eye, seeing the fear there and realizing what it is exactly that Wash is talking about. 

"I'll be part of no such thing," Book asserts.

Zoe walks up to her husband, and says quietly, "Husband."

Wash searches her face in sudden awareness that he has overstepped some boundary.

She stares hard at him, "Bad idea." 

Wash swallows back a smart retort, and instead answers, "Right."

She steps back, angry, and turns her resentment to Simon as she walks towards him. She stops when their shoulders are even, looking out at the courtyard behind him, and says so that only he can hear, "This better be worth it."

Their eyes meet, hers flashing with a tightly reigned in anger, his with a sad gratitude. She walks past him and resumes her spot on the lawn, behind him and slightly to the left.

Simon stuffs down any insecurities he might have, ignoring Kaylee's wide stare as he resumes,

"You all heard Mal, no one is forcing you to stay. If any one objects to the way I'm running things, head back to Serenity now." He stares directly at Wash. "Leave. There's no room for quarrels now, or we're doomed to fail before we even start." His gaze moves from Wash to Book, "Mal left me in charge, for reasons his own. You take issue with me, you take issue with him." Simon ignores his own failing on that point, and continues, "Any problem you have with Zoe is a problem you have with me. We haven't even come to a bridge where we ought to be worrying. This is merely a gathering of intel, a cakewalk. Anyone who doubts Book's loyalties doubts me, and I strongly suggest you leave now."

Zoe shifts behind him. Simon's eyes flicker to the side, but doesn't turn his head.

"Just remember: each one of you is marked, and your fate on your own is even more uncertain than if you stay."

Wash mutters, "Yeah, if we stay we're _certain_ to get pinched by daybreak."

Simon flashes him an angry glance, "Not helping."

Wash gives a false smile, "Hey, I'm just agreeing with you."

Simon gives the three in front of him one last look, "You should all get some sleep, we don't know how soon we'll have to start in the morning."

Kaylee, Book and Wash, laden again with the duffel bags, head down the walk to the guestrooms. Simon grabs the bag he dropped and steps into the infirmary, leaving the door open behind him. Zoe closes it for him, turning the lights back up.

"That was quite a nice speech you gave." She takes the bag from him and sets it on the counter.

Simon unzips it, beginning to rifle through its contents. "I try," he says glibly, then, continuing on in a more cautious tone, "Did you mean what you said out there?"

"I wouldn't have said it if I hadn't." She grabs a sealed bag of waterproof tape from one of the cabinets. Simon stops his investigation of the bag to see what she is doing.

"Thank you." He trails off distractedly as she points at his shirt. He takes the hint and begins to unbutton it, watching as she breaks out a bottle of disinfectant and a wad of gauze. Slowly he peels his shirt off, the backward pull of his arms a little too much to bear. Zoe grabs the collar and pulls it the rest of the way off, throwing the bloody mess in a waste bin.

"Why didn't you take care of this sooner?" she says as she begins to poke his ribs with efficient fingers, crouching down to get a better look, the ugly bruising wrapping in blotches from the front of his ribcage to his back.

"I was about to die," he hisses as she finds the severest fracture, "There didn't seem to be a point."

She seems satisfied with the minimal damage, and begins to swab at the multitude of abrasions and cuts on his back. Simon grimaces, but manages not to whimper as he stands still, looking at Jayne lying on the bed in front of him.

"I still don't like it." She finishes cleaning his back and douses the nape of his neck with alcohol and rubs mercilessly. He flinches, and she grabs a handful of hair to hold him still.

Tears spring to his eyes as she finds the shallow cut and pours more alcohol on it. Wincing, "You have a better idea?"

Zoe puts the bottle down, not relinquishing his hair as she turns back and parts his hair to get a look at the wound. Simon shivers as the disinfectant dries on his back and neck.

"You don't need stitches." Zoe releases his hair, leaving a clump sticking up. Her voice is flat, efficient, "Mal's plan could still work, and the one thing that I feel sure of about this whole thing is that Book genuinely wants to protect you. I-- we-- lose you, we possibly lose any chance we might have to get the Captain and Inara out, as well as your sister."She grabs the bag of tape and rips it open with her teeth. Taking the roll, she begins carefully pass it around Simon's ribs, pulling firmly while Simon takes in what she just said. When she finishes, she stands and tosses the tape into Simon's bag.

"So, basically I'm insurance to make sure that Book does his part?" Simon turns to face her, still not believing her.

"Sounds about right." She wipes her hands off, staring steadily back with the threat of potential turnabout in her eyes.

Simon stares at her, not getting her complex mix of hatred and obedience. "You're as psychotic as he is."

Zoe looks one last time at Jayne, then back to Simon. She holds his gaze, "It'll be morning in five hours. Kaylee said we might get a line on Mal when the sun burns off the distortion." With that she leaves. 

**

Simon pulls a wrinkled shirt out of the bag and manages to pull it on, buttoning it up. He grabs a blanket and shakes it out over Jayne, glancing at the monitors one last time. As he heads outside into the cool night air he dims the lights, closing the door behind him. 

Book emerges from the shadows and Simon pushes down the urge to step back, furtively looking to see if Zoe is still close. Her silhouette disappears on the other side of the courtyard into one of the lighted rooms. Simon decides that is where he should be as well, heading straight for the center of the courtyard. 

"It's late, you should get some sleep." Simon stalls the inevitable discussion.

"You're really going to go through with this?" Book's voice is slow and smooth, with a hint of condescension, "Do you really expect _me _go through with this charade?" 

"Yes." Simon says as he brushes past him and onto the wet lawn.

Book follows a few steps, unhurried. "It's a bad plan. It's not even a plan." Book doesn't chase after Simon, but lets his soothing tone snare him, "It's guesses, hopes and speculation. It's no better than back at New Weston."

Simon stops a few paces away, the unhindered night sky shining down on him.

Still standing on the edge of the stone walk, Book continues on firmly but gently, "Mal was right to stay clear of that. You never would have made it in time to help River. Even if you had, you would be in Alliance hands right now, and Wash and Mal would most likely be dead, as Jayne should have been."

Simon turns halfway back towards the Shepherd, "How can you ask me to doubt him now?" His voice is raised slightly in exasperation and disbelief. He turns to fully face Book, "Why are you so against this? You could have walked away from us, you still can."

"I'm not going anywhere," Book assures him.

"Then why won't you help us?!"

"I can't help but wonder what you plan to do with this information you want me to get." Book remains calm in the face of Simon's outburst.

Simon calms himself, "If things go right, possibly nothing." He looks wearily at the Shepherd, "We won't need force to get --" 

"And if things don't go right?" Book challenges, stepping onto the grass, closer to Simon, "Wash has Jayne's entire arsenal in that shuttle out there, in addition to all the ship weapons. What will you do if Mal can't get himself and Inara out? Go in, guns blazing? This isn't the skyplex, son. At best, it's high security prison in the capital. At worst--"

"Is it because they're Alliance?" Simon takes a step back towards the infirmary.

"What?" Book is thrown off balance by the question. 

"Your hang-up, whatever it is. Is it because--?"

Book recovers, cutting Simon off, "I'm just wondering if you're considering all your available choices."

Simon looks uncomfortable and starts to walk away, then stops and rounds on Book, "I would do _anything _to save River, but this is the best I have!" 

"Don't you see that you are risking too much, too many lives," Book growls low, "Even if they," he casts a sweeping arm toward the guestrooms, "are willing to follow . . . It doesn't mean that you should be leading them."

Simon's own misgivings flicker in his eyes, and he doesn't reply.

"What have we-- the rest of us-- got to lose, things as they are? It's a bad plan, fine. It's also the _only _plan with the resources we have." Simon looks sharply at Book, "Unless you have something up your sleeve that you're not telling me about."

Book doesn't reply, stepping back into the shadows of the archway.

Simon steps towards the older man, "Why is it that you're name wasn't listed with the rest of ours?"

"I can't say."

"I'm _asking _Shepherd." Simon searches Book's face, "Tell me you can't walk right in there and rescind the arrest warrants."

Book hesitates before shaking his head sadly, "I don't have that kind of authority."

Simon clenches his jaw, grinding his teeth, "Then this is all I have. You don't want to help, I'm sure Zoe has a way to convince you . . . and I'm not going to like it."

Book is intrigued.

"Does she now?" 

***

Kaylee sits on the thin rush matt, a silhouette against the outer shoji screen of the guestroom. In the bed across from her, Wash and Zoe lay, back to back, having managed to fall asleep after a hushed argument that didn't end well. 

Kaylee is not so lucky. Instead she sits awake. Hot tears spill down her cheeks and drop onto the silently blipping tracker in her lap. The soft green glow refreshes itself with each blip, a continued reminder that Mal is still lost. She sniffles softly, rubbing at her nose with a clean sleeve.

Outside the deer chasers continue to thud dully, a metronome marking the passing time.

Wash stirs, and she looks in his direction before she rises from the mat and slides the door open, walking out into the still courtyard.

Kaylee pads softly over the stone, wet hair chilling in the night air. Around her, all the lights of the abbey have finally gone out. Only the soft glow from the infirmary remains, and it beckons her. 

**

Quietly she enters, closing the door slowly behind her. A dim light illuminates the still form of Jayne in the center of the room, his face pale. Against the wall, his head pillowed in his arms, Simon sits in a low chair, asleep leaning on a counter.

She waits a moment to see if she has woken Simon, but he doesn't move, lost in the quick and hard sleep of a trauma surgeon. As silently as possible she walks to the opposite wall and places the flashing tracker on wheeled stretcher, pushing it against Jayne's bed.

It creaks slightly as she clambers up and lies down on her side facing Jayne. As she settles down, her overwhelming self-pity returns, and fresh tears pour anew, her body shaking in silent sobs. After a moment it passes, and she reaches a hand out to Jayne's blanketed arm, scooting closer and resting her chin gently on the bandaging above his wounded shoulder. The tracker lays nestled in the curl of her waist, flashing on blankly. Her tears still stream onto the bedding, and her voice is thick as she begins to whisper in his ear.

"Hi Jayne . . . Mal's gone . . . did you know that?" She sniffs, "When Simon went to get you, he shot Mal--but it was an accident . . . and now the Cap'n's gone." Kaylee rubs at her eyes, "He left us . . . and now Simon's the captain . . . and he wants me to find Mal, but I can't. I . . . don't think I can, Jayne. The sun should . . . but I don't think it will work . . . Captain's plans never work, right? . . . and everyone is waiting for me to tell them where he is, so's we can go get him and River out . . . only I can't do that . . . "

She begins shaking again, but pushes it back down as she hears something. Sitting up suddenly, she sees Simon blinking at her, sleep lines from his sleeve grooving his face. Kaylee rubs at her face again, a little embarrassed.

"I was just . . . " Instead of explaining, she decides to stare back at him rudely. Red eyes and tear stained cheeks.

Simon realizes what she was doing, shaking sleep from his head, "Oh . . . He can't hear you, you know."

"Shuh mu?" Kaylee then realizes that he hadn't heard her, stuffing down her mortification, retorting, "Well, that's kinda the point. Jayne'd only make fun of me anyhow . . . but it beats talking to a brick wall."

Simon stands, his ribs hurting even more now as the swelling strains against the tape. 

"Actually," he says approaching Kaylee on the other side of Jayne, " It's _just _like talking to a brick wall."

Kaylee smiles. 

Simon smiles back, a little kinder for the few hours of sleep he had gotten. They both look down on Jayne, feeling something akin to their old friendship returning, a familiar warmth in each other's smiles. 

Simon remarks dryly, "He's kinda nice like this."

Kaylee quips right back, "He's a real good listener," nodding mock-seriously.

"Yeah," he agrees sagely, but doesn't ask what she confided to the sleeping Jayne.

They stare at Jayne some more, tiny grins plastered on each of their faces.

Kaylee cocks her head, pushing wet hair behind her ear, "He actually looks kinda sweet."

Simon sees her getting sentimental, and thinks quick of a way to ward off another bout of tears.

"I got him doped good, wanna give him a poke?"

Kaylee gapes at him, "Doctor Tam!"

"I told him that sick people could be hilarious." Simon smiles at her, "Go on, I'm sure he owes you for something."

They both snicker, trying to find something mean to do, but they're laughter soon falls flat. 

Kaylee lets out a small sigh, sniffling slightly as she picks at the nubs on the blanket, pulling it back up over Jayne's shoulder.

Simon sobers in the following silence, "He thought I was going to leave him back there." 

Kaylee looks straight at him, "Were you?"

Simon looks at her in absolute sincerity, "No. I would never . . . I could never do that."

Another awkward silence follows, and Simon shifts uncomfortably with too much on his mind.

He looks up as Kaylee says wistfully, "It was his birthday, you know." 

Simon wrinkles his brow, "Whose-- ? No, it wasn't." 

Kaylee looks at him in surprise, "Sure it was."

"No, I looked at each and every warrant . . . what was listed for Jayne didn't match any calendar I know of, and it certainly wasn't today-- or yesterday's date." 

Kaylee glares defensively at him, "Then you must not know every calendar there is. Or the Alliance posted it wrong. 'Sides, Captain said it was."

"And his word is law?" Simon scoffs at her, meaning to make a joke, but Kaylee takes him seriously,

"On Serenity it is." She slides off the stretcher, taking the tracker with her like a security blanket.

Simon tries to win her over with her own logic, "We're not on Serenity anymore."

Kaylee's stubbornness quickly turns to anger as she fires at him, "And just why not? We shouldn't have left. It's not right. I don't even know where Serenity is!" She halts, choking on her own words, looking down at the tracker in her hand, "I don't know where the Captain is!" Fresh tears spring to her eyes, "Why did he leave? What was the point? The Alliance is going to find us, Serenity will never fly again. He shouldn't have left. We should've all stayed in Serenity and flown away!"

Her mouth snaps shut as she realizes what she just implied.

Simon says it aloud for her, "And leave River?" He tilts his chin up, trying not to be hurt.

She looks away, ashamed, "No. No, I didn't mean . . . I just . . . I just want him back, is all. It's not right with him being gone." She hugs the tracker to her chest as tears stream down her face.

Simon walks around Jayne to meet her, cautiously taking her shoulders in his hands, "I'm not mad, I'm just . . . so I'm a little mad, but," he reaches one hand under her hair, cupping her cheek, "I understand . . . it's okay. I'm okay with it."

Quietly, head still downcast, she says in a thick voice, "I haven't felt this sick since I first left home." 

At this Simon closes his eyes, recoiling from the unintended blame of her words. He feels her turn her face up to look at him as he pulls his hands away. Her free hand covers his and pulls it back as he opens his eyes in surprise. He stares in wonderment at her, and with her hand over his, he brushes her tears away with his thumb.

Her eyes darken as he feels tears threatening in his own. His other hand comes up and he winds his fingers in her damp hair. He grimaces a smile as she clasps the monitor to her chest. 

She doesn't smile back. 

Simon leans his forehead against hers as her breathing deepens. He closes his eyes as the darkness of her eyes threatens to overwhelm him, resting there a moment, breathing in the clean scent of her. He feels her pull away, feels the skin of her cheek sliding past his own, her breath on the corner of his jaw. He pulls his head back and blindly meets her mouth in a hungry kiss, filled with bitter unshed tears. 

Their kiss is brief, but when Simon pulls away he has trouble evening his breathing. He stares back at her, his pained smile still there, now matched by a small smile of her own. He smoothes her hair, kissing her forehead ferverently. Kaylee closes her eyes, her expression something akin to happiness. She hugs the tracker to herself as Simon pulls her to him in an embrace, from which he immediately flinches. 

He hisses in pain as he grabs the offending object from her hands, smiling sheepishly.

"Oh!" Kaylee is mortified, patting awkwardly at Simon's stomach. "Sorry," she cringes in sympathy. 

"S'okay." He folds her back into his arms, holding the blank bit of metal and wires behind her. He stares at the flashing green of the empty screen over her shoulder, and kisses her temple, "I'm sorry."  
  
"What for?" she whispers in a small voice, arms wrapped around him.

He turns the blank screen towards the floor and whispers back, "I'll get him back."

****

***

Darkness still lingers outside, and clouds loom tempest blue and heavy on the horizon. The promise of sunshine is far away, and a cool wind picks up, twisting over the rooftops of the abbey and circling into the courtyard, giving a deer chaser a gentle and solitary rap. 

In the infirmary, the gentle hum of equipment sings a lullaby to the curled form of Kaylee on the stretcher, a blanket pulled high over her shoulders. Simon dozes upright in the chair, his head leaning against the side of a cabinet.

A beep jolts him awake, his sleep-clouded eyes opening in confusion, not sure what had woken him. Another beep sends a shot to his heart and he is standing, causing the wheeled chair under him to slam back into the wall.

Kaylee shoots up at the crash of the chair, the blanket falling to the floor, and herself almost following. Another beep and she looks down, grabbing at the tracker as a glowing dot appears in the middle of the screen.

"Got him!" she shouts in triumph as Simon rushes over to her to look for himself. They share exultant smiles, and she launches herself into his arms in an overenthusiastic hug. Simon's legs buckle and they almost collapse to the floor together.

"Gently!"

***

"Book has gone to get Shepherd Chow," Simon informs Zoe, "They'll have the abbey's shuttle ready in a few minutes."

Simon stands tiredly in the guest quarters, the low furniture too much of an ordeal to sink onto. Kaylee is back on her matt, staring intently at the shifting coordinates displayed along the glowing point that should be Mal.The numbers change with every refresh.

"So we just need to match up Mal's coordinates with a spot on the planet?" Zoe asks.

Wash pulls a shirt over his head as he disagrees, "That thing can do better than that. We can get the exact tier he's on, if he's on a cruiser."

Simon looks over at Kaylee, "How's that signal looking?"

She doesn't reply.

"Kaylee?"

She takes in a deep breath before she responds, "He's low. Which makes it a sure bet that he's staying planet-side."

Zoe perks up, "Staying?" Her senses picking up on something not right.

Silence. Simon walks over, glancing down at Mal's lifeline in her hands, murmuring, "He's still moving."

Book walks into the open door, darkness behind him, "We're read--" Stopping as he sees the alarm on Zoe's face.

Kaylee grits her teeth in frustration, "See, that's the problem. It should only have taken three hours tops to get to any of those cruisers." She looks up at Simon, "It's been five hours since Mal left, and he's still flying low. Past the capital."

Zoe stands, looking at Book, "They found it."

Wash rises, giving his wife a panicked glance, "Wuh de tyen, ah, are you sure, Zo'?"

Simon remains still, head held low as he stares at the tracker, watching their plan running away.

"They know we're coming," Zoe announces, looking to her husband who sinks back onto the bed.

Even Book's shoulders seem to sag a little as silence fills the room. A pre-dawn wind swirls through the courtyard, bringing the promise of storm with it. The rain chains and deer chasers greet it in anticipation. As the wind leaves, it seems to sweep away hope with it.

Zoe then turns her gaze back to Simon, who still stands in silence, stricken, "They've most like removed the beacon and sent it on to mislead us, rather than destroy it."

Wash turns a little green, "Removed?"

Zoe clarifies, "Surgically."

"Yeah, I got that," Wash snarks, "The imagery you've given me isn't helping my sudden and overwhelming nausea."

Simon feels eyes on him, finally looking up and finding that everyone but Kaylee is waiting for him to speak. Kaylee merely stares blindly ahead, the tracker resting loosely in her hands.

"We still don't know where River is," he says quietly. "I don't see that it matters that they know we are trying to find them."

"He's really gone," Kaylee whispers to herself.

"Well that plan worked out real well," Wash whispers in frustrated accusation. 

Book watches them all, a strange look, almost of relief, apparent on his face, his shoulders relaxing.

Simon looks to Zoe's calm gaze, his hand absently resting on top of Kaylee's head. Of all of them, Zoe is undeterred by the turn of events, and he fortifies himself with the strength he finds in her fierce eyes.

Simon turns his glance down to Kaylee, giving her a soft nudge,

"Kaylee," he says softly, still feeling lost, finding his way, "Do we have any indication where they might be?" 

She looks up at him like he's nuts, then shakes her head, "I don't know."

With gritted teeth, Simon lowers himself to crouch next to her, putting one hand on the wall behind her, and the other over her own and the tracker, "You said before that the beacon was planet-side."

"But that ain't Mal no more," she looks back at the screen with disdain, "We don't know when they found it. They could have had hours to set it on the wrong course from a false origin." 

She meets his hopeful gaze with despair, "There's no way to know."

Simon releases his hold of Kaylee's hands, clasping his knee instead as he pushes to his feet. Book grabs his arm from behind and helps him stand. 

"So what now?" Simon asks them, inadvertently stepping away from Book.

No one offers a solution. Zoe stares uncomfortably at Book, shifting to look at Simon. Wash seems to be biting his tongue, figuratively, looking at the floor. Kaylee looks up at Simon, hoping for the answer to come from him, and Book just waits, a curious spectator.

Simon takes a hitched breath, "Okay . . . we got two choices. We can send Book and Chow to all four possible locations--"

Zoe quickly objects, "That would raise suspicions more than they already are. And we're running out of time."

"And the second choice?" Wash asks with great interest.

Simon says decisively, "It's not an option."

"Yeah, but what is it?"

"Head back to Serenity and run for as long as we can." Simon stares at Zoe as he says this, and she doesn't like it.

"You're forgetting the best one." Wash stands.

Simon looks sharply at him.

"Why is everyone ignoring the fact that we have a prime piece of bargaining material here?"

"Wash!" Kaylee cries in disgust, finally breaking from her listless state.

Simon stands still, rigid, looking to Zoe in alarm. He flinches as Book places a protective hand on his shoulder from behind.

Zoe rounds on her husband, "You turn him in, I'm turning myself in. Now how good do feel about the chances of this deal of yours working out?"

Wash doesn't even have to weigh that. He backs down. Zoe turns and gives Simon a deadly glare.

Book relaxes again, giving Simon's shoulder a supportive squeeze as he walks fully into the room. 

Zoe turns her attention to him , "What'll it be, Shepherd?" She gives a pointed look at Simon, "You gonna give it a go, or do I have to persuade you by taking a chance on Wash's plan?"

Simon remains tense as Book considers Zoe's terms. 

The shepherd finally offers placatingly, "Suspicions are already raised, yes, and time may be short. But given the alternative . . . Chow and I will search every facility until we find them."

Simon closes his eyes and breathes out through his nose. Opening his eyes, he nods once at Book, and backs out of the room into the lightening of pre-dawn. Kaylee stands, discarding the tracker on the matt, giving Zoe and Wash a hurt look before she follows after Simon.

Over his shoulder, Book watches her go. 

***

"From here it will take three and a half hours to get to the capital. Don't expect me back sooner than nightfall." 

Book gives one last look at Wash and Zoe before he closes the dented and worn hatch of the abbey's shuttle. Inside the cabin are mismatched benches welded to the floor alongside the outer walls, the middle left open wide. Perhaps for carrying small cargo as well as passengers. The walls are stained and mottled from centuries of use. An old shuttle for certain. 

Book joins Chow in the tiny cockpit and settles himself in the co-pilot's seat. He gives a grim laugh, "This old thing still works?"

"She's adequate for her purposes. But I still miss my marauder." Chow has a distant wistful look on his face.

Book smiles a little softer, "Speaking of insane pilots, Wash almost ruined my chances of laying claim to that reward for Simon." 

Chow smiles back, "Too bad you'll only get half."

***

From the rooftop the abbey shuttle rises up through the gloom of an overcast dawn and heads into the west where the darkness still holds claim. In the east the new day creeps in, a silent lurking presence somewhere far behind the heavy clouds. A somber grayness seeping through is the only herald of morning. From the north a wind blows in bearing ill news. The wind mingles with the abbey bells as they begin to ring, a deep and rich sound that resonates through the open corridors and courtyard below.

Wash watches the shuttle disappear amidst the dark clouds, shivering in the wind. He turns back to head for the passageway down from the rooftop landing pad and stops as he catches his wife's eye. Stray curls from her bound hair snake around her face as she gazes at him.

Wash shifts under her soft stare, and moves to head past her. He looks down as her fingertips brush his and he stops, running his fingers along the inside of her palm. He glances up at her and smiles. Then looking back towards where the sunrise should be he says, "For what may possibly be the last time I see sky, this sure is a crappy one to remember." 

Zoe steps behind him and wraps her arms around him so that they face the same direction. "Not much of sunrise," she agrees.

Thunder cracks in the distance and rumbles towards them, while from below faint shouting drifts up on the wind.


	5. We're All Dreaming part I

****

Author's Note: _Chapter 5 of 8_

****

Anvil: _River is not physically present with Mal, he can't see her. Memories are italics, and any words directed at River herself are just thoughts, like in Objects in Space. Put on your metaphysical thinking caps and hang on for a strange, convoluted, complicated, confusing . . . . hey, come back! It'll be fun, I swear ::veg:: _

****

Thanks: _to Heidi, whose brain me loves to pick, and without which this chapter would have no depth. Thanks to all my fellow Browncoats for feedback, inspiration and encouragement. Goldenthorn for getting this strange trip I've been on, Sarah for hating my abbey scenes, I love them now because you pushed so much! _

Summary: As Inara is questioned concerning the whereabouts of the wanted members of Serenity, River stumbles upon the truth behind the lies on her way to finding peace of mind. Back at the abbey, an unexpected danger from within threatens to tear apart the fragile truce.

****

Choices

__

"Away from her, you loved her more. The only need was her; she was the only vacancy in the steamy morning. He remembered her letter, the misspelled words: "I lie here dreamyly." Even the misspelling is lovely."

"[He] heard once more that sweet female voice, unbearable beauty of the unbearable past: it may be for years, it may be forever. Then why art thou silent . . . " - The Killer Angels

****

"We're All Dreaming" part 1

__

River stands with her back to the armed feds, the man directly behind her slowly lowers his weapon. The stench of blood, gun smoke and spilt beer mingle in the dim tavern lights. 

Stepping back, she fluidly whirls to the side. The man standing down doesn't reach in time for his neighbor's still-raised weapon. 

They are given the signal to fire and his hand closes too slowly around the barrel as the shot rips through River's breast.

River opens her eyes, staring at the blank white ceiling of her cell, then presses them shut, squeezing out tears that trickle back into her damp hair. She takes in a shaky breath, wet strands of black hair sticking to the back of her neck, her damp brow.

"Not real," she assures herself. "It didn't happen."

Rolling over on the thin cold mat, she pushes herself up, blinking heavy eyes back open as she fights against sleep. Not even the invasive light can jar her fully awake, as it searches out every corner, leaving no room for shadow, no place to hide.

"Not safe," she protests, snapping her sagging head up. Glancing around the room, her head rolls loosely on her neck. She draws her knees up and wraps her arms around them, cringing from the room itself. Her head begins to nod down to rest on her knees-- 

" . . . You are. Leaving . . . incredibly selfless . . . "

River's head snaps back up, and she cocks her head to the side as she hears Inara's voice, faint through the walls. She furrows her brow in confusion.

The lights flicker.

Rising to her feet, River walks to the door, palming it open, and steps out into the empty corridor. She wavers outside the door: disorientated, lost. She glances back at the locked door as a thump sounds from behind it.

Hands outstretched low at her hips, she turns full circle before moving with a delicate step down the hall. The lights are dimmed to a cold gray mingling of geometric shadows, brightening as she reaches the open space of a duty station. She covers her ears as she nears a guard at the desk. His brown eyes stare unflinching as she walks past. He blinks and drums his fingers absently on the desktop.

She murmurs to herself, "Not relevant," squeezing her eyes shut as she hurries away from the desk. "Stay now. Now is safe."

At a junction in the corridor, as she leaves the brighter lights behind her, River stops and listens, lost again.

From the dark and long stretch to the left, Inara's voice drifts down, _" . . . we're all running . . . "_

River begins to walk a little faster, the doors on either side of her disappearing into blank walls, till one is left. 

Inara's voice becomes louder, almost echoing, _"This is about our lives, and River's." _

River stands against the door, listening, as Inara's voice comes from beyond the door, flat and heavy, 

"I already told Comman--"

Another female voice, cold and stern, cuts Inara off, "He isn't here. I am."

River smiles as she puts her hands on the door, "Found you!"

***

Shadows of water running down the shuttle window ripple across the floor in the starlight. Heavy ornate curtains rustle, and heavy plated armor glints as a fed walks into the unlit cockpit of Inara's otherwise empty shuttle. The curtain falls behind her as she steps fully inside, standing next to the pilot's chair. A tinkling crunch and the sound of something rolling follows the shuffling of a foot. Clicking on a handlight, the fed bends down to grab something in the shadows under the chair. Straightening, she holds the object aloft, the beam of light shining through the metal casing of a syringe, the glass broken. She turns it in her hand, eyes widening in recognition and realization.

***

River pushes the door open slowly, peering in at a sandy blond woman in uniform. The fed's gray eyes pierce cold across the air to where Inara sits at the other end of the long table. Inara stares back: fierce, but weary and stained with Jayne's blood. 

River blinks at the fed, making a childish face of distaste, sticking her tongue out slightly as she turns her back on the stranger, "You're not relevant either."

__

She smiles, throwing her head back and laughing, eyes sparkling in merriment. 

The fed continues, "Where is Serenity? Or more precisely, where is Simon Tam?" The question is already old, as is the answer, and Inara remains silent.

Sunlight pours softly through a multitude of tall windows and a gentle breeze floats past the golden drapes.

The fed is well-rested and unamused, "Miss Serra, you can make this last as long as you like."

Face alight at the wonder of the world laid out at her feet. Her laughter like bells as she hugs a velvet pillow to her breast.

River puts her hands to her ears, glaring at the fed in petulant anger, "Shut up!" Turning to Inara, hands still on her ears, she murmurs, "Remember safe."

***

An hour into a seemingly endless flight, Mal sits in stony silence, his face drawn in barely concealed abhorrence. He watches one of the guards finish listening to a transmission, hand to his ear. Mal's seething anger sinks into growing dread as the guard with the wire in his ear looks directly at him. The guard says something to another fed, unintelligible over the hum of the ship as it flies. 

"Get him up," the guard orders, and Mal's eyes widen as the other man takes gloves out of the first aid kit on the wall, pulling them on.

"What? Hey--" Mal protests as he is dragged to his feet. The second fed uncuffs his hands from behind him, a third grabbing his arm and holding it out in a steely grip. The guard with the wire approaches him in the dim light of the ship, ripping the cuff of Mal's sleeve as he pushes it up his forearm in one swift jerk. Mal watches him in growing horror as a knife is drawn, 

"Whoa, hey now! Just what might you be wanting to do with that?" Mal struggles futilely in the iron grip of the feds on either side of him.

The guard smiles at Mal as he grabs his forearm, "They won't find you, Captain Reynolds." 

Mal bites off a scream as the knife pierces into his arm.

***

__

Rich red walls bordered in gold stretch away in open splendor, inviting the light in through doors that open onto rooftop gardens. 

"My shift will end and another's will begin. They'll start this all over . . . " 

Her voice fades away as River steps closer to Inara, hands reaching out in gentle supplication. Behind her the blond fed's mouth still moves silently, but River sighs in relief as the silence stays, blanketing the room. 

River kneels at Inara's feet, the silence of the room slipping away and giving way to soft warm rustling and giggling, resting her head gently on Inara's bloody lap.

A long-haired tawny cat sprawls on the thick carpet in a patch of warm light, green eyes blinking lazily.

Above River's bowed head, Inara's mouth replies with silent words, her face haughty. River hugs her lap tighter, closing her eyes in relief.

Glasses clink as wine is poured, a rich round sound as dark and warm as the wine itself.

"Don't go in the ocean. Stay now," River sighs.

Inara shifts. River looks up at her in surprise. Inara's hands twist in her lap.

A pillow falls to the floor behind the sofa, and the green eyed cat starts violently, eyeing the pillow warily.

River flinches, opening her eyes wider as the sunlight slips away from her. The fed's voice jolts her, pulling her back into the cold interrogation room.

"What prompted your decision to travel with Serenity, or any ship of that class? Are you running from someone?"

The empty static of the room falls into a heavy silence. Inara shifts again, a trick of the light, and looks directly at River, her face stark with exhaustion_, _"Rough hands."

__

***

Mal stumbles into the small white room, hands bound at his back, as the door behind him closes. 

One sleeve, the button lost, falls loosely over his hand, partly concealing a dried trickle of blood. Standing in the center of the cell, he sucks in a breath through clenched teeth, eyeing his surroundings in distaste. 

***

__

Over the edge of the sofa small hands writhe under the grip of a young man, who leers down. 

River sucks in a breath as Inara looks back to the woman. The moment is lost, time has passed, and Inara's lips press firmly together. The end of spoken words fill the air, and River twists to look at the woman on the other side of the table, who seems satisfied, marking the page in front of her. 

__

Laughter rings out as she slips free and throws another pillow at him.

River furrows her brow in puzzlement, looking from the fed back to Inara in concern, "Wait!" 

She closes her eyes as Inara's mouth moves wordlessly, concentrating, and hears a new voice. 

"What were you doing on that ship," a male voice scoffs, "With those kind of people?"

"There," River says, her brow smoothing at her success.

***

From the infirmary door Simon watches the shuttle soar under the rectangle of dreary sky offered by the courtyard. He rubs his empty hands against his shirt and murmurs to himself, "Yet more adventures in waiting."

Across the way the kitchen door slides open and a portly man steps out with a basket. He sees Simon and gives a warm smile before he stoops down to pinch leaves from an herb pot. 

From the left he hears footsteps, and sees another shepherd entering the courtyard from the direction of the outer gates. 

Simon steps back in, closing the door against the wind and the pealing bells, and hears Kaylee gasp.

He turns, and she is staring excitedly at Jayne, her hand on his brow, "Simon, I think he's waking!"

Simon is unimpressed, glancing coolly around the infirmary as he tries to remember something. He calmly rolls the stretcher that Kaylee had slept on to the side, absently kicking the wheel locks down as he walks between the two beds to a low cabinet. Opening the drawer, he fishes out a syringe and a small bottle. 

Back on the bed, Jayne's eyes are still closed, but his hand squeezes back as Kaylee takes it. Simon walks to where she is, checking the monitors for abnormalities.

"Everything seems fine," he concludes. 

"Of course he's fine," Kaylee beams.

Simon fills the syringe and hooks the IV tube with his other hand, injecting the sedative into the port.

"What are you doing?" Kaylee asks in bewilderment, her smile falling away.

He caps the needle and discards it, walking around to the other side to check the bandaging, murmuring, "It would be best if he didn't wake up," he gives her a fleeting look, "He'll still be in a lot of pa--"

Jayne's eyes flash open as the monitors come to life, ringing out shrill warnings.

With a broad sweep, Jayne's right arm, bound as it is, catches Simon low in the gut with enough force to send him back several steps, as well as tearing the bandaging. 

"Jayne!" Kaylee yells in alarm as Jayne sits up, ripping the IV down from it's hook as he does so. 

Simon is still recovering from the first blow, gasping for air, when Jayne slides off the bed and backhands him with his left. The upward force drives Simon back against the stretcher which topples as his body crashes over it. 

Kaylee screams again, "Jayne! Stop!"

Jayne shakes his head, his left hand going to his right shoulder, where the gauze is quickly turning red. With a confused look, he turns back to Kaylee, who cringes against the far wall.

"Kaylee?" His voice is thick and rough, confused.

She flinches as he steps towards her, even though the bed still stands between them. Jayne turns a shade paler and staggers, grabbing at the bed as he falls to his knees, ripping the sensors from the monitors, causing them to go silent. 

Kaylee sees her chance and rushes over to Simon, who lies still, one leg over the broken stretcher, and his head jammed against the wall, chin pressed against his chest. 

She hesitates only a moment before she rushes outside, shouting for help.

***

Past Da-lun's shoulder to the open windows, and the view widens to reveal Sihnon's docks. She sees the incoming and outgoing ships gliding amidst the stillness of the ships still waiting to leave. Family merchant ships, old, from before the war, with the scars and patches to prove it. 

Glinting brightly against the dullness of the tried and true ships rest the newer and sleeker ships. Towering luxury liners that overshadow the docks and all the other ships, drawing the eye from the sheer size of them.

"Always back and back again, don't look at the shiny, no soul under the glitter, can't . . . " River mutters at Inara's feet.

The fed leans over the table, asking a voiceless question.

__

Beads click against each other as a handsome Mongolian leans over, long black hair hanging down.

Sunlight fills the lush apartment as distant ships pass the open windows.

Inara suppresses a smile, amused, but doesn't answer the fed. 

__

Da-lun persists, "You have all of Sihnon at your feet . . . "

The feds voice fades back in, "Yet you insist on catering to these--" she pauses, searching for words.

River looks up in sudden interest, her desire for peace overcome by curiosity.

"These what?" Inara demands, eyes glinting with mischief.

__

Behind him she sees them. Some in uniforms, smooth jaws, some in business suits. Flight suits, silver coveralls; everything about them just a little worn at the edges, a little haggard, a little too touched by the black, the long spaces In Between.

***

In the cold glare of her cell, River stands on the bed. Facing the wall her hands hover mere inches from actually touching the smooth surface. Her lips move as she murmurs low, under her breath.

***

"You know what they say about you." He is taunting her, but with an edge that belies his playfulness.

Inara plays dumb, her tone more sober, her eyes looking beyond the fed. "I've been away." 

__

Behind her she can hear whispering, can feel the eyes on her as she walks through the halls of the Academy on a return from one of her trips.

"You're always away." His voice is wistful.

"So what do they say?" A smile curls the corner of her mouth as Inara stares down the fed.

__

"That your acceptance into the House is undeniable." He grins foolishly at her, excited for her. He hesitates, "And others, that you've become self destructive. That your association with certain clients is a direct and deliberate insult to the Guild."

Inara sits alone in front of the screen, deleting the profiles of clients glittering with more finery than herself, sashes and brooches, until all that remains are names that share a commonality. Titles that once included Lord, Lady, Senator, Chancellor, now count only Captain, Commander, First Officer.

***

"The harbor is looking for a ship to hold against the galloping white horses." River's eyes open as her fingers sway against the wall, touching it briefly.

***

Even through her weariness, Inara laughs at the fed, a deep low sound, "My clients are just as respectable, and subjected to the same screening, as any other Companions." Her amusement lingers, no sign of offense taken.

__

Da-lun's eyes light up, "You've already been accepted into The House?! Why did you say nothing of this?"

"Disreputable Captains and all." She replies smugly.

The fed frowns and takes down more notes.

***

River closes her eyes again as she sighs, feet tangled in the blankets where she stands in her cell, "Would north be true?"

***

__

"This is everything you've worked for, how could you keep . . . when did it . . ." He can barely contain his excitement, all dignity gone.

"Just after I arrived. It's why I couldn't see you right away. I would have known sooner, but I was engaged for a week on the Downeaster."

"You'll have to put a stop to that soon." His tone implies that he doesn't object to this idea at all.

"Not for a while yet," she says with certainty, smiling in spite of the fed. 

__

She hears the head of the Council congratulating her, "This is only the beginning, Miss Serra. Soon you will be on your way to becoming the very heart of the Guild . . ."

A ship passes outside, too close, and darkens the apartment for a brief moment. She can hear seagulls far away.

"Listen and despair," River intones at Inara's feet, "It's the Grey Havens calling, you'll never return from beyond the westering seas."

__

"When I was younger . . . " She sighs, "I can't believe it's finally real."

River looks up lovingly at Inara, "So much. To harbor even the largest against the storm." She rests her head back against her knee. 

The breeze dies down, the curtains hanging limp. 

She turns and sees herself, only twelve, standing bathed in the light. 

The child recites, "To see the beauty and purity in the ability to love another with the spirit, and in this way, to find the path to selfless love . . ."

Down the other end of the apartment, a door swings shut.

"You've earned it. You're worth it. Sihnon knows this." Da-lun smiles.

The fed taps the tabletop as she asks again, "Why are you protecting Simon Tam?"

"I told you, I don't know a Simon Tam." Inara is as stubborn in her replies as the severe blond woman is relentless in her questions.

__

He sobers, the giddiness wearing off, "Inara . . . don't go. You don't need to flaunt their rules at them any longer." 

"I am doing no such thing." Inara stares at the fed, challenging her to differ.

__

"Then what? Why are you never here?" Da-lun pleads.

Inara looks away, the light shifting over her face, her smile slipping as she says to the sudden silence of the room, "An ocean of light, where is the shore?" 

__

The curtains rustle in a small breeze. She smiles, never breaking eye contact.

Da-lun persists, "You can work here, on Sihnon." 

"It's not the same." 

He resettles himself, planting his hands on either side of her on the sofa, "I miss you."

Inara's face blanches.

She laughs charitably, "We wouldn't be having this conversation if I moved completely onto a liner like the Dublin until it's time --"

"I'd miss you even more." He says earnestly.

"Admit it, you're irked because of the clients I choose."

"Only if you admit that you choose them to irk me." He teases back. "What is the fascination?" He really doesn't care to know, and sits up on the edge of the sofa, releasing her.

She slaps at him playfully, laughing. After a quiet moment she takes his hand in hers. He watches her as she draws his fingertips down the skin of her bare arm, her eyes intent on his hand. 

"Soft. Your hands are so soft."

***

River's hands bunch into fists against the wall of her cell, "Bored now, can't make the pale one go away!"

***

"What is a companion such as yourself doing on a smuggling ship like the Firefly? You could get that arrangement on any other ship of higher class."

River whines, glaring up at the fed from the floor, "Back and back again, she'll never tell, leave us alone!"

Inara looks down at River, "Soon came the day when the bottle was broken."

***

River becomes afraid, "Want me to cut it out, put it on the shelf. If you don't have enough to share you shouldn't have it at all. No picking favorites!" She pounds on the wall, shouting.

***

Inara trembles in her sleep, turning restlessly. The blue light of night filters through the shuttered windows; bars of light and shadows on the floor. 

She stands and tries to open the door. She looks in fear at the windows as the light grows and the barred shadows pass over her face. Da-lun stands outside, a disturbingly sweet smile on his face.

"You will love me, because you can, because you do."

Faint light slides down her side, crisscrossing.

Inara shakes her head, teasing to hide her fear, "Perhaps I'll choose another."

The air grows too warm and stifling.

Da-lun walks closer to the bars, "All of the Guild knows that I am the only one. All of Sihnon knows that you will choose me. It is expected."

"His patient is his sister? Did he take her from their home?" Inara stares incredulously across to the fed, her composure flawlessly destroyed.

The fed looks blank, "That's none of your concern."

__

A man kneels on the floor beyond the bars, wings on his shoulders, holding the limp form of a golden-haired child in his arms. Inara sees him sobbing, but looks to Da-lun, maintaining her composure.

Da-lun watches impassively from outside the cage, "It is the way of things. You are above grief."

Then he is in the cage with her, smiling and reaching out a hand. Inara flees from him, kneeling and reaching to touch the skirt of the child. The man looks up, tears freely flowing, 

"Where is your face, woman?"

From behind her Da-lun chastises, "You are being selfish, Inara. It is not even your grief to have, the child is none of yours."

The air begins to leave the room, the vacuum of space flooding in, burning her lungs.

Da-lun smiles serenely down at the child, "Don't you see, the child is a wandering star now, for whom it is reserved the blackness of darkness forever."

*** 

River sags back down to the bed, a bundle of loose limbs, eyes staring blankly at the cell walls in defeat, "The time that we will suffer less is when we never have to wake." She casts her glistening eyes up in despair, "Only the dead are safe."

***

"The dates show that you left Sihnon shortly after receiving a prestigious position. Why?"

"I fail to see how that's relevant."

"I'm just trying to get to the heart of what motivates you."

***

River whispers to herself, "To sleep, to dream." She shivers on the bed and hugs her knees as she gives in to memories, no longer fighting to stay focused. 

***

__

Da-lun greets her formally as she steps off the ship onto the docks, some eyes fasten on her and stare. Amidst the noise, she can almost hear references to her personage.

Quietly, he accuses under the hum of the crowd, "Would it have been so bad if you had told me first?"

She doesn't answer, but moves steadily forward, passing unhindered through the crowd of the uppermost society of Sihnon.

"Will you at least consider staying here?"

Conversationally, as if she hadn't heard a word he said, "I hear that you've gained permission to begin courting the next potential."

"Would you have me be brought into your shame as well?"

She stops, turning a firm smile on him, "My shame?"

Da-lun presses his fingers lightly on her arm, encouraging her to keep moving, "Inara, you have insulted the Guild. This is not a light thing that you have done. If you were any lesser Companion, perhaps the blow would not be as great. You have been the brightest light Sihnon has ever seen, and this is how you return their love?"

Her voice is pained as she replies, "If I had stayed with the House, it would have been a lie. There are certain parts of myself that I cannot sacrifice, and it will be a greater insult to the Guild if I stay."

"Must you leave Sihnon?" He presses.

"Da-lun, you said it yourself, how can I stay amidst all this acrimony?"

This time Da-lun stops her as they near the end of the part of the docks that he knows. She turns and faces him and he stares over her shoulder toward the Lesser Docks, realization dawning on him.

"I want to thank you, Da-lun."

He looks at her in surprise.

"It was you who helped me to see, perhaps a little too late, that I had made the wrong choice. When I set out on this path, I didn't know myself. I thought I wanted to reach the spiritual ideals that House Priestess embodied."

Da-lun is stunned, "And now? Do you know yourself now?"

Her cool mask crumbles a little, revealing her distress, "I only know that I can't stay."

Turning, she leaves him as she crosses over to the Lesser Docks, and walks to a waiting ship.

Inara sits in her chair and looks down at River, "I can't go back."

River looks up at her and says firmly, perhaps even a little selfishly, "You won't go back."

***

"Now comes the part with the more waiting," Wash sighs as he watches the empty sky.

Zoe's chin slips off of Wash's shoulder, turning her ear away from the wind to catch a sound that drifts in and out. Wash feels her cheek against his back, and her hands slip from around him, resting loosely on his arms. 

"What?" Wash tilts his head as well, closing his eyes.

A female voice wavers in and out, followed by the wind and silence. Zoe's hand goes to her gun as she listens, while Wash scans what he can see of the abbey, finding nothing amiss; no new come danger.

More voices drift up on the wind, male, the meaning of the words lost, but the panic evident.

Wash turns his head back toward the innermost part of the abbey, "The courtyard."

"Kaylee," she breathes. With that she turns and runs down the stairs, Wash close on her heels.

***

Inara has smoothly worn down her interrogator, "He must have had strong reasons for taking her away from her home."

"Which doesn't diminish the charges of kidnapping--" The fed struggles to regain control.

"Kidnapping? I thought they were both wanted, or are they calling her imprisonment protective custody? Don't think I'm so foolish to believe that all this effort and violence has been put into a simple case of kidnapping."

The fed finds a grip, a smile crossing her face, "You seem to be taking a strong interest in the Tam's. I'm beginning to wonder why."

The words ring in River's ears, her eyes flashing to and fro as she searches Inara's face.

__

She sits in front of her screen, reviewing clients. Out unfamiliar windows the stars shine in the black. She can feel the gentle hum of the ship under her feet and in the walls.

"Ni hao."

A face appears on the screen that makes her scowl: a handsome woman with auburn hair and a cinnamon shawl over her shoulders.

"Companion Meara," she begins formally, "The answer is still no. I choose my own clients."

"As is the right of any Companion. Inara, if you will just hear me out."

"I will not allow you to use my position to foist your problem clients upon."

Meara laughs, "I wouldn't say that you are in any way vulnerable. You apparently don't comprehend the power you have achieved."

She blinks once.

Meara waits, and when she doesn't cut off the transmission, she continues, "You didn't allow me to finish last time. It's not a client, it's a job, and we need your utmost discretion on this matter."

Her interests perks a little, "Perhaps it will be better then if we meet in private." 

Meara smiles.

"It's not for you to decide the validity of the charges--" The fed has become flustered again.

__

"Then who does? I can smell the stink on them, how can you not?"

"Miss Serra, I am recommending your release. It is clear that you were unaware of the situation that you were in and have no knowledge as to the whereabouts of either Simon Tam or the Firefly. I advise that you don't complicate matters or attempt to involve yourself in affairs not your own."

The fed gives a silent signal and two guards enter to escort Inara away. She rises to her feet.

__

She walks in the bright light past the rude stares of dusty men and women of the docks. She doesn't mind, as she strolls unhurriedly towards a destination known only to her. Her veil guards her eyes and face from the fine mist of sand in the unsettled air. Awnings flap and snap in the occasional breeze. Terns cry overhead, feasting on the garbage piles unseen beyond the endless row of ships.

Out of the haze and the cram of metal and people something catches her attention. A low breeze stirs the dust and catches her veil, blowing it over her forehead. She doesn't notice the sand now in her eyes.

Arching it's neck out over the crowd, it's heart open for all to see, a Firefly holds it head above the dust and the throng, the windows to the bridge sparkling with an intelligence. 

Movement below draws her eyes back down. An elderly woman descends the ramp, her practical finery covering every inch of plump flesh. A tall man follows her out and shakes her hand, amused as he watches her try not to cringe. He watches her leave, watches the crowd, his hand seeming to search for something at his side.

He stops, hand still grasping at air, and turns his gaze directly at Inara across the crowd.

River grins like a fool, "She heard the birds, saw the fell ship with the ocean inside."

***

Hands grab at him, pulling the stretcher away and straightening his body. Simon rolls his head to the side, suddenly wishing he hadn't. Strange faces look down on him, two shepherds, and then Kaylee's appears, bright with tears of worry. 

"Simon!" she cries in relief.

He blinks once, clearing his head, "How long was I out?" Simon pushes their hands away, rolling onto his side, trying to ignore the pain that burns every nerve.

"Not more'n a minute," Kaylee's voice quavers. She reaches for him, not knowing where to put her hands as he starts to curl in pain, both of them stopping as his movement causes more.

Opening his eyes, he sees that the shepherds have left him and now crouch near Jayne, who is supine on the floor, legs bent under him. He watches as they gather the large man up and lay him back on the table. Simon can hear a sickening splatter as Jayne's blood continues to pulse out, hitting the floor.

"Simon, you have to get up," she pleads, grabbing his arms in a strong grip and planting her feet firmly on the floor, waiting for him to cooperate. 

His face turns a little paler from her rough handling, but he meets her determined gaze, full of fear, and bites back a scream as he lets her pull him to his feet.

***

"What will happen to River?" Inara demands.

The fed looks uncomfortable, clearly not knowing the answer.

River looks at the blond woman, "She will go to the Havens and make sure the hands aren't fast enough. She'll fade away and become a wandering star. Leavings of a dried up ocean."

__

In an open air cafe, under a fluttering burgundy awning, Meara sips her tea. Inara sits across from her, one finger running along the rim of the china cup in front of her, mildly angry.

"It seems that you were able get the ship to the Eavesdown Docks in time."

"That was a very narrow window you gave me. How is it that he came to choose Serenity?"

"We were never involved with the doctor, but I imagine he was told to find the most disreputable looking ship possible."

That almost earns a smile from Inara, but she is still angry about something, "You never told me why you needed a ship."

Meara blinks at her, "I still can't."

"We all know, the boy told us."

"We?" Meara's amusement is quickly replaced with tension, "Indeed? How do you feel about that?" 

"I'm staying long enough to make sure they settle."

Meara relaxes, "Thank you, it's more than I could ask for."

Inara stands to take her leave and pauses, "Are there others?"

Meara darkens, "There are always others."

***

River's eyes widen as she sits upright on the bed, "I forgot! Not enough ports, too many. Didn't want to remember!" She covers her head, "Don't want to see what's in mine!"

***

__

Young voices cry out, echoing down dark corridors, howls of agony fade away into the black as quick as they came, "I don't know what I see!"

River stills, lowering her hands from her ears and blinking back tears as the screams fall silent.

"Now that you have her back, will she be returned to her parents?" Inara steps closer to the fed.

She concedes, looking away, "She'll be returned to where she was taken from." 

River stands, a small victorious smile on her face, "No, the dead man will come and we will forget the names." 

Inara walks past the blond fed, whispering low, "They don't even know she's here-- her parents, do they?" Inara stops, looking at the fed till she returns her gaze. "You won't tell them, and you will send her back to the academy that hurt her in the first place."

The fed looks at her in surprise, held under the power of her gaze.

River's smile fades, "No-- Don't."

"I advise that you remain silent, Miss Serra." Grey eyes flicker to the two guards behind Inara nervously.

The gentle escorting hands of the guards behind Inara turn into steely restraining grips on her arms.

"It is silence that has allowed our government to twist and torture an innocent. And now your silence is helping to aid in that continuance! You can see the discrepancies for yourself. You tell me that they are both fugitives, then that River is a victim of kidnapping. Which is it?" 

__

Another morning, another teahouse, indoors on the floor. Meara sits quietly, a quiet smile on her face, the tension fleeing her body.

"They are settled then?"

Inara smiles, "I think he would go to hell and back for them."

"Then I guess our business is done. You can get back to your life, now that you no longer have a reason to stay."

The smile stays frozen on her lips.

***

River clutches at the blankets, "Get tied to it. Can't . . . break away. Don't want to!"

***

****

"It is not for me to decide the truth of my orders," the blond fed states coldly.

Inara's voice is stronger, full of conviction, "No, you only enforce what you know to be an injustice."

"Miss Serra--"

"You wonder why I would remain in the company of fugitives? Because Simon was right in what he did. River is an innocent, a victim of our own government. Her brother did what was best for her." Inara steps closer to the other woman, her voice steady and sure. "A young girl is tortured and her brother sacrifices all he has and is for her sake. It was men within our own government he was protecting her from, and now you are helping to return her to that nightmare. The truth is that keeping them safe no matter your laws was and is the right thing."

***

Zoe pushes past several shepherds to get to the infirmary door. Inside Simon stands under the bright light, gloved hands bloody as he works on Jayne. 

Kaylee stands opposite, hands covered in blood as well, as she maneuvers a scope at Simon's direction.

"What happened?" Zoe asks in alarm, spying the blood on the floor and the twisted, overturned stretcher that had been pushed into the far corner.

Wash rushes in, stopping short as he sees the mess, "Lao tien bu."

"Torn muscles," Simon replies curtly, not looking up at Wash's noisy entrance. "Ripped the patch on the artery. Damage is more extensive than before." 

Simon's face is pale, and his hands tremble slightly as he returns his whole attention to Jayne, murmuring something to Kaylee.

Zoe walks closer, trying to catch what Simon is saying to Kaylee, watching the two of them in fascination.

Kaylee sniffs, "Uh huh," and twists her wrist a little in response to something Simon said. Her face writhes a little between nausea and an eagerness to please.

Simon's brow furrows in concentration. "Almost there," he murmurs gently.

Kaylee watches him, glances at the monitor, pushing down her fear and putting on a brave face, "Kinda like an engine . . . know your parts . . . where they're supposed to go." 

Simon glances up and allows her a brief warm smile. His attention returns to Jayne, but the smile stays, playing on his lips.

His hand shakes as he pulls the laser saw out, "Okay."

Kaylee heaves a shaky breath as she removes the scope, dropping it neatly in a tray. "Done?"

Simon nods and she strips the bloody gloves off, throwing them in a bin. She turns worried eyes at Zoe, then looks back to Simon.

"Hand me that," Simon says quietly, glancing at a pan on her side of the bed.

Kaylee spies the tray with needle and thread in it. As she picks it up, she sends an imploring look to Zoe, "Can you . . . ?" 

Zoe frowns, "Why can't he--" 

As Simon reaches for the tray, his face screws up in a grimace, turning more pale than Jayne. Zoe is suddenly at his side, taking the tray from his hands and gently insinuating herself in his place. 

"I can do that, Simon," she says as she pulls on a fresh pair of gloves. Wash steps closer, on the heels of Zoe.

Simon doesn't protest, and peels off his own gloves. He pushes off the edge of the bed, staggering back a step into Wash, who catches Simon as his knees buckle.

***

River looks away from both women for a moment, a distracted half-smile on her face, "Sky is falling."

"I am sorry for this Miss Serra, but you have given me no choice." She nods at the guards who return the cuffs to Inara's wrists.

Inara stands her ground as they try to lead her away, "No, I've shown you that you have one."

River looks back and screams, "No! You were safe! No more! Take it back, say you were sorry!" She runs to the blond woman, begging, "She didn't mean it, you believed her before. Please don't take her away!"

***

Outside the rain has begun falling, the dark light of an overcast day slipping into the room where Wash stands, looking down, face in shadow. The beds where he and Zoe slept still rumpled. 

At his feet, where Kaylee should have slept the night before, lies Simon. Unconscious, helpless, and alone.

***

River clings to Inara's side, her fingers constantly slipping away as they are escorted down the hallway. River suddenly looks ahead, and sees Mal being led towards them. Footsteps, her heartbeat, breath rasping ragged in her ears. All clamor and grow louder as he approaches. 

All fall swiftly silent as Inara's eyes go wide in fear as she turns suddenly to River, "You can't be here--" 

River hears seagulls screaming, feels the dragging call, "No!" She clings tighter to Inara as the din of the corridor resumes.

Mal continues to walk towards them, eyes straight ahead, his face a stony mask that flickers as the rush of footsteps fall silent. He looks at River, muttering, "Damned woman." 

The ocean rushes in Rivers ears as he nears, and then all noise stops with an abruptness as Inara quails, "I strayed!" 

__

River feels the undertow pulling at her feet as if she stands still in the surf, feeling herself lose balance as the sand washes out underneath her feet. 

Mal is almost there, his coming as inevitable as the swell of the sea. Still not looking at Inara, his voice thunders in River's ears, "She ain't a part of this business." 

Inara ducks her head as Mal passes, but his eyes betray him and he looks straight through River to her, the crest curling over both their heads. River is frozen, trapped, her breath gone.

__

Bubbling silence fills her ears as the water catches and tumbles her. 

Down the corridor Mal continues in deafening silence, tearing her away from Inara. Pulling her out and further under, into the black of the abyss and the blue of oblivion, under the waves.


	6. We're All Dreaming part II

****

Author's Note: _Chapter 6 of 8_

****

Anvil: _River is not physically present with Mal, he can't see her. Memories are italics, and any words directed at River herself are just thoughts, like in Objects in Space. _

Summary: In her search to find refuge from her nightmares, River becomes trapped in the hellish landscape of Mal's memories. Back at the abbey, uncertainty of another betrayal threatens to tear apart what has been mended. 

****

Choices

"He had held good ground before and sent off appeals, and help never came. He was very low on faith. It was a kind of gray sickness; it weakened the hands. It wasn't the dying. He had seen men die all his life, and death was the luck of chance, the price you eventually paid. What was worse was the stupidity. The appalling sick stupidity that was so bad you thought sometimes you would go suddenly, violently, completely insane just having to watch it. It was a deadly thing to be thinking on. Job to be done here. And all of it turns on faith." - The Killer Angels

"We're All Dreaming" part II

Water surrounds him, falling from above. In the blackness he can hear a river flooding past on one side. Suddenly in the water, his body floats downstream. The sound grows louder, and a cascade of whitewater catches him and pulls him down.

Simon jerks awake as the sensation of falling overtakes him. His eyes open in a panic, then slam back shut as the sudden movement makes his ribs protest. Kaylee raises her head in alarm from where it was nestled next to Simon's, her legs curled under her where she sits on the floor next to the bed. She looks at Simon, so close to her, and places a soothing hand on the side of his face.

Wash slides the door of the guestroom shut, muffling the sound of the rain again. He drops a heavy bag on the floor with a metallic clatter and smiles apologetically. Kaylee gives him an aggravated look, then turns back to Simon, nearly wrapped in her arms.

"What time is it?" Simon asks when he finally opens his eyes, his face still too pale. 

Outside the noon bells begin to ring, mingling with the rain.

He takes in his surroundings. Rumpled low beds and paper thin dividing walls. Kaylee hovering close to him, a gentle hand on his face. He leans back into the crook of her arm, smiles a grimace as he asks, "How . . . ?" 

"You know kid, you're not so much with the lightness." Wash drops another bag on the floor with a thunk, muzzles and butt stocks sticking haphazardly out, next to the metal stretcher and the first bag. He gives their relative positions a fleeting glance, amused, Simon still resting in Kaylee's arms.

The gray light is brighter, but the room is still murky, and Wash flicks on the overhead lights, making Simon and Kaylee squint. Outside a steady drum of rain falls, insulating the room in a cocoon of heavy sound.

Simon tries to sit and can't. 

Kaylee sits ups straighter to try and stop him, "Simon, honey, you really should--"

He rolls onto his side, swinging his legs toward the floor and stops, unable to move further as his body nearly doubles in pain.

Kaylee says in exasperation, "Told you!" She tries to stand up to help him. Her legs have fallen asleep and she doesn't get very far, wincing.

Wash walks over and grabs Simon's arm above the bicep. 

The doctor looks up at him in surprise and more than a little trepidation. Seeing no menace in Wash's face, and perhaps even a little regret, he grabs back and allows the pilot to roughly pull him to sitting. Kaylee catches him as he sways on Wash's release. 

"Simon?" she asks in concern, his eyes screwed back shut in pain.

He grabs her steadying hand and squeezes, trying to speak evenly, "I'm fine."

A tap at the door, followed by continued thrum of rain, causes the three to still. 

Wash stares at the other two, eyes wide with fear, as he stage-whispers in mock fright, "They found us!"

***

__

Blackness surrounds her, the silence so thick only blood hums in her ears. Downward she drifts into the abyss, the water chillingly warm around her, cradling her, caressing her skin, stroking her hair. No dreams. No thoughts, no intrusive memories. Not even her own. Only the black and the endless fall.

In her room, River slumps against the wall, eyes half closed, her face peaceful.

***

"Serenity."

The fed, a gray-haired man with a hardened face, looks at Mal blankly.

"My ship," Mal says pointedly, "Name's Serenity."

Muscles in the feds jaw tighten, he puts down the notes in front of him and walks over to where Mal sits on a bench. Mal gives an innocent smile, giving his shoulders a shrug to ease the tension from his cuffed hands, still secured behind him. 

"I was there, Captain Reynolds. Lost a lot of good soldiers in that valley. You'd best walk lightly." The fed sits on the edge of the table, leaning in close. "Don't make this any more difficult than it has to be."

Mal watches him coldly as the fed stands, resuming his former position near the other end of the table.

***

Wash stares at Simon with big round eyes, clutching dramatically at his heart.

Another tap, this time followed by, "Don't make me hurt you," sends Wash scampering to the door, which he slides open to the rain and a shadowed figure.

Zoe stands on the other side, laden with trays of steaming food**. **At her feet water courses in between the stones.

Wash grabs a basket of bread and the pot of tea, and Kaylee finally manages to rise, making a face at her numb legs, to grab a tray of clay cups and bowls.

They set it all on a low table, and Wash makes obscene noises as he lifts a lid and declaring a little too loudly, "She cooked!" He wins a hesitant smile from Kaylee as well as a roll of her eyes.

Zoe only smiles patiently at him, "Don't be naive, husband. The rest of the abbey is having their lunch, and offered this." She looks at the others, "I suggest that everyone stay here, stay quiet. We've had enough curiosity brought down on us for one day."

Kaylee's smile slips away, staring at the food, her appetite gone. Wash looks to Zoe at the reminder, his face suddenly grim.

Simon turns a pale face to her, "How is he?"

She gives back a steady look as Wash pulls a table up to Simon, "He's fine." 

They all seat themselves around the low table as Zoe begins to pour tea, "I think even Jayne will be impressed with the stitches when he wakes up. We'll just make sure he's tied down when that happens." 

Simon smiles weakly and doesn't push the matter as he catches a fleeting warning in her eyes.

Kaylee fixes a plate for Simon and herself while Zoe settles comfortably next to Wash. 

Zoe grabs a biscuit while her other hand grabs one of the bags and pulls it closer, fishing around inside. She pulls out a handsome gun and turns it in her hand. 

She notices Kaylee watching her silently and puts the gun out of sight.

"You'd think we were going into battle," Kaylee says softly.

Wash loads his own plate with food as he replies carefully, "Jayne never sleeps well without his arsenal."

Kaylee gives him a dirty look, not believing a word of it.

Wash protests, "Some people have bankies, Jayne has a Binkie. We should all just be grateful he doesn't sleepwalk."

***

Darkness holds her fast, and it feels like it will go on forever. In the blackness of the abyss an even darker void seems to rush up to meet her in its inevitability. Her heart beats faster as an undulating blackness rises up around her. Distant, yet vast enough to swallow up the lesser darkness above her. Ridges and peaks.

Mountains.

River continues to fall into the chasm, and raises her eyes up, seeing faint stars wavering high and remote above as the encircling ridge continues to swallow up the sky, and it seems that it will continue until none is left.

Her feet touch something yielding. Her weight slowly settles at the bottom of the valley, her hands sinking into warmth. She blinks past the black, forces herself to see as her hair floats down around her eyes. 

By then she doesn't need to, as her hand pushes past something slippery and meets bone. 

She writhes away, but all around her are bloated bodies. Her foot sinks into a rotten stomach, hands scraping past ribs to the spine. Empty eyes stare up at her. Men, women, fallen haphazardly or piled with purpose. Bodies not complete, burned, decayed. They are everywhere and she can't escape the carnage.

River begins screaming.

***

Inara sits up in her cell in fright as she hears River faintly through the thick blank wall. 

"Xiao jie," she murmurs. 

***

"What happened to your face?" The fed asks, his voice lacking in concern.

"Doctor shot me, seemed to be a mite upset over his patient being arrested." Mal brightens, "That would be your fault!"

Absently, ignoring Mal, "How is it that you are protecting a man who tried to kill you?" 

"Because . . ." Mal says with infinite patience, "He may still be on my ship, and if you noticed, I'm not in the mood to be sending my crew to prison for charges that ain't true."

The older man takes this in, only believing half. 

He looks at notes, changing tack, "Says here you originated out of Shadow." 

***

__

She fights towards the surface, through the silence of her empty scream. The black turning to a deep blue, and growing brighter, lighter. 

With a burst of seemingly deafening sound, a gentle breeze buffets her ears, cools the tears streaming down her cheeks, stilling her screams.

Endless fields, rolling to the horizon. The sky so blue it is ethereal. A sprawl of houses, barns and outbuildings, nestled on the north side of the hill. Smoke rises from the chimneys, catching on the wind, drifting up past where the hill meets the sky. 

A woman stands on the crest, her handsome face weathered, hair still dark despite her years. 

Panting for breath in gulping sobs, River begins to walk unsteadily up the hill, eyeing the horizon warily. Terrified at what she knows now will most certainly come.

"Remember what it was like to feel safe?" Mal's voice drifts faintly on the wind, "I knew a place like this."

***

Mal turns a blank look on the fed.

"Not many people made it out of Shadow," the fed says deliberately.

Cold blue eyes pierce the fed, "I wouldn't take to bragging that about while wearing that uniform."

***

__

River stops, halfway up the hill, and sees the white swirl from the chimney joined by another cloud, mingling to gray until the new black smoke rises dominant into the sky.

"No!" River cries, staring up in horror.

The woman watches River as she begins retreating down the hill. The flames come up from behind and engulf the dark haired woman, spreading through the grass in a wall of orange that leaves only blackness behind, racing towards River.

River clutches at her head as she runs, "This isn't happening!" She closes her eyes and pushes it back, insisting, "He didn't see it." 

The roar and crackle of the fire ceases.

When she opens her eyes, the grass sways in the breeze, and a man stands on the hill.

***

The fed smiles at the nerve he just struck, "It's funny that a flag came up on a man from Shadow. Suspected of black market trade." 

Mal's face pales slightly. In a deadpan voice, "Is that so?" 

***

__

The wind picks up, the grass shimmering and flattening. A woman, glinting auburn hair, and two small children join the man on the hill. They each pick up a child and begin to walk away from the white curl of smoke. The dark haired woman appears, watches them as they wade through the sea of grass.

River watches them, a safe distance away, her brow furrowed. "Wasn't there."

The four figures disappear into the grass, leaving only the woman on the hilltop.

"Back and back again," River realizes, "It doesn't stop."

***

"We've sent our ships to the ranch of one Mr. Farrel. We're not going to find your ship-- or Doctor Tam-- there, are we?" His voice holds the promise of a threat.

Mal's face goes a little colder, "I surely hope not."

"Then why don't we try this again. Where is Simon Tam?"

Mal doesn't answer.

The fed sits on the edge of the table, "Where is your ship, Serenity?"

Mal's jaw works, "Go to hell."

***

River kneels in the grass, rocking as she fights to keep the fire at bay. 

Under the wind, she hears a familiar voice, soothing round sounds mingling with the whispering of the grass.

"Not many would take them in . . . "

The voice grows stronger. River stands, searches the sky for hope, turns her back on the hill, the sky behind her darkening again with black smoke.

". . . wondering why a man so anxious to fly under Alliance radar would house known fugitives . . ."

***

"Why did you?" The fed asks in barely concealed antipathy.

Mal thinks a moment, then says quietly, "I didn't know who they were."

"Their warrants have been posted on the Cortex, don't you check the bulletins?"

Mal deadpans, "Well, I'm a simple man. More of a picture-book fan than a reader of words myself. The arrest warrants you had up were kinda lacking in the one. I hear tell that wanted men change their names. Not releasing their photos just sets honest men like me up for falling in with the wrong folks. "

"So you plead innocence to the charges against you and your crew?"

__

He leans in close to her, whispering, "If anything happens, this will be as good an excuse as any."

"Mal," Inara protests through gritted teeth, glancing around the bar.

"Ignorant, I'd like to make that distinction." Mal smiles.

__

"The only thing that will protect us now is ignorance. If it comes to it, if they find us out, just stick to the story." His eyes drift over Inara's face, "What happened back at Ariel City was too close for comfort."

River latches on, follows the voices, leaving the grass and the fire behind 

and stumbles into the room with Mal. She sighs with relief then immediately stiffens as she sees the older man. She shrinks away, moving closer to Mal.

A shadow moves across Mal's face as he seems to look straight at River, "Angels won't come for you."

__

The air hums sweetly as he kneels behind the sandbags.

"Tell me where Serenity is," the fed starts again.

Mal clenches his jaw, breaking eye contact with the fed, his face stony.

River whimpers in despair, "No. No more," as she stumbles away from Mal, clutching at her head.

***

"They're not coming." Zoe's voice interrupts him, crouching next to the radio, heedless of the body next to her.

The hum becomes an ominous tone.

" . . . too hot . . . lay down arms."

__

"Then what's . . . " Filled with dread, he looks at Bendis in confusion, his bluster gone. Both stand, looking out over the sandbags, watching as sure death sweeps over the valley. Alliance ships and fire. Brimstone in the valley.

A distant voice penetrates the fog that seems to have surrounded him, "Sir!"

The ground shakes somewhere far away beneath his feet as he stares off into a false dawn.

"This isn't . . . " His own voice comes from elsewhere, unreal.

***

"This _is _how it happens." River shies from the grey haired stranger in the room, edging closer to the door. River cries, eyes shut, "No angels, no shiny ships, just him and the darkness."

***

"God wouldn't . . ." he stares in disbelief.

A little closer, the voice and the words seem wrong, "Sergeant Reynolds!"

His back hits the ground hard, his head ringing from the impact. Above him are stars, and flickerings of light as the night seems to try to turn to day. He tries to get up, but is forced back down to the earth that groans and trembles in pain. Weight on top of him shifts, hands press solidly on his shoulders, grab his face and turn his eyes from the stained sky into a face of darkness.

" . . . at me!"

His face stings as he tries to pierce the shadows with his eyes. 

Rough hands shake him, and he finally recognizes the silhouette.

Confused, lost, he asks, "Zoe?"

***

River keens softly on the cell's bed, ". . . make it stop . . ." 

***

Her hand meets bare wall of the interrogation room, slipping down in search of the handle that is no longer there. 

"Tell us where Serenity is, and maybe we can work a deal." The fed approaches Mal, standing close.

Looking in sudden panic, River watches as the seam of the door closes up, her fingers scrabbling to find purchase as her chance to escape disappears. "Can't be!" 

Mal thinks for just a moment before responding, "Piss off."

A fist sends Mal rocking back on the bench, his neck snapping back from the blow. The fed grabs the front of Mal's shirt and hooks the bottom rung of the bench with his foot, setting the captain right before he falls.

River screams as the room grays for a moment, and she reaches blindly for where the door should be. 

***

He walks numbly into the growing assembly of broken platoons, Zoe to the left and one step behind. Someone laughs, a high-pitched hysterical sound.

" . . .call themselves Browncoats . . . " A woman's voice, bitter.

There is a strange hush. Even the whimpers and mutterings can't alleviate the spell that seems to have fallen over the rally point.

" . . . turning tail like that . . . "

"They would have been slaughtered." Mal resists the urge to shake his head, blinking back a light trickle of blood from his eye.

Someone screams in frustration, sounding muffled and lost amidst the small gatherings of soldiers. The sky around them rumbles distantly, flashes of light still flickering from down below in the valley. The glow of distant fires lights the night sky.

A young boy's voice wavers in and out of the distant explosions, " . . . have faith that we'll get through this . . ."

"Let me out!" River cries as she pounds futilely against the wall.

" . . . lay down arms! What kind of fei-oo is that?"

"No more fighting," River whimpers.

His pace quickens. To the left of them someone begins weeping.

" . . . don't place your faith in the strength of men . . ."

"Shouldn't have said that. Still had hope." She can't stop the onslaught of memories as Mal stares down his fellow veteran.

Ahead, he walks with purpose toward two standing soldiers.

" . . . will be okay . . . trust that God will--"

He stops the words as his fist cracks the young woman's jaw. The other soldier stares dumbly in surprise as she drops to the ground. 

He grabs the shirt-front and backhands the young boy, blood rushing in his ears as he begins to pound on him. As struggling hands shove at his face and throat, he feels the chain twisting tight around his neck. He rains blow after blow upon the body beneath him. Words and shouts ring in his ears as the hands grow weaker, falling away from his throat, a blur of blood in front of his eyes. 

Again he hears the alien words on the familiar tongue, "Sergeant Reynolds!" 

He raises his fist again as the face in front of him changes, pulling the punch short as he sees Zoe standing before him, her eyes wide with distress and alarm.

***

Crumpled on the thin bed, River shakes, exhausted. Tears soak the blanket as her eyes stare unseeing. Softly, despairingly, she whispers, "Can't stop it."

__

***

Book emerges from the city cafe, his shepherd habit now abandoned in favor of more worldly clothing. He pushes through the morning crowd to where Chow waits, his face grim with distaste.

"Have you arranged for a suitable ship?" Book asks.

Chow nods, all business, passing an envelope to Book, "Shuttle dock three."

The older man nods back, "It's nine-thirty. By the time you get back to the abbey I should have word for you. Keep your comm open."

Chow nods again, silent; also serious and perhaps more than a little ill at ease.

Book notes his old friend's state, waits.

"Why don't you tell them?"

Book puts his hand on Chow's shoulder and smiles softly, "You know I can't."

He gives Chow a gentle push, and they part ways, Chow turning back and calling after the other man, "What you said before, about turning in Simon."

Book looks over his shoulder, turning around.

"That was in jest, right?"

***

"Why are you protecting him?" The fed still has a handful of Mal's shirt, leaning in close. 

Mal stares back, undaunted, then seems to look at River as the air falls flat, "No one else will."

"I'm protecting my crew," Mal spits, blood dried now in the corner of his eye.

"Then why not give him up? This can end right now." The fed looms over him. "Give up, and maybe you'll survive this."

"I'm just starting to enjoy myself." Mal looks up, unafraid, taunting.

River's lungs close up, refusing to take in air, a void filling her throat. The room begins to shake, and she stares in fear at Mal as his eyes darken. 

She panics, the overwhelming need to scream forces her to breathe in choked mouthfuls of tainted air that turns her stomach and makes the bile rise to her throat. Like tendrils of smoke, the walls fall away as the room blackens, opening onto the valley.

The sky is darkening with smoke, night coming far too early. Explosions still rock the air from deeper in the valley, calling for him as he joins Zoe's solitary figure in the middle of the quickly emptying camp.

He strides angrily to her, his eyes on the backs of the last of the formation. Reaching Zoe, he finally looks at her, eyes flashing, "Where the hell do they think they're going?"

Her face is blank, but her shoulders are a little too straight, and her voice a little too studied as the full weight of his attention and anger lands on her.

"To safety, sir," she says evenly.

"You gorram better well call them back, Zoe!"

Another distant explosion rumbles, the shuddering earth seeming to reach up and rattle her bones, shaking her quiet voice, "No, sir."

"Tian xia shou you da ren!" He closes the distance between them, eyes black shadows as he growls at her, low, "It wasn't a question."

Her shoulders flinch as if his words are stones, but she doesn't let him cow her, "Don't believe I mistook it for one."

He nearly screams at her, "You rear-march them right now, and we are rucking it down there--"

"And we are going to die!" she growls back.

He gives her a strangled look and moves off towards the path the last of the Independents took, "We can still hurt the Alliance, Zoe. I surely intend to before this is over!"

She stays him with a hard grip on his arm, wheeling him around, "You want to give up and die?" She lets him shake her off, but stands in his way.

"You're the one who's giving up!" he bellows over the noise of another impact somewhere else in the valley.

"I sure as hell am," she yells back, "And I'm going to live through this!"

Disgusted, he tries to knock her out of his way, "I'll get them my own self."

She grabs both his arms, "I can't let you do that."

He tries to shake her off, "Get the hell out of my way!"

She pleads fiercely with him, "I can't do this without you, they won't listen to me. I sent them away on your authority."

Nearly all the sky is covered in a thick black smoke as the valley burns.

He gets an arm up, but she blocks him, gripping his raised forearm, "I'm afraid that they will_ follow you. You're scaring the rest that have half a mind to realize you've lost it, but they'll still follow you."_

His face is inches from hers, his breathing rapid and shallow as his face reddens. He frees his other arm, and she counters that, forcing him to listen.

"I need you to come with me--"

He glowers at her, "Oh, I intend to--"

She shakes him hard, "But not until you pull yourself together. Sir. Not to rile up the troops with notions of an offense."

Their arms tremble as near equal strengths fight silently against each other, the air rocked by another impact, further away.

"ZOE."

"I know you're hurting."

"GET."

"You need to find someplace to put it all."

"THE HELL."

"You're not fit for command until you do. Can't you see that?"

He leans in close, their noses almost touching, "OUT OF MY WAY," and he shoves her off, gaining a step before she grabs him. He flings her off momentarily before her hand is back on his arm. In a backwards step he swings his free arm around and punches her mouth.

Recovering swiftly, she lands one of her own, sending Mal staggering back. The air ripples violently, slowly falling silent as the constant percussion finally ceases.

He straightens, weapon raised, Zoe now in his sights. 

She stops, eyes wide, focusing on the hammer, the safety, and his finger on the trigger. His face is twisted into a snarl. 

When her eyes meet his, he sees the disappointment there. 

His hand shakes as he sees disappointment turn to disgust, and then all of it is swallowed up in a cool mask. 

Her shoulders relax, naturally straight at attention. She takes a step backwards. 

Horror drains all the color from his face as he shakily lowers the gun, whispering, "Zo-" 

She takes another step back, eyes cold, turning her back on him and walking away.

He stands alone, smoke from the burning valley blotting out the light of the sun, shaking as the darkness around him becomes complete.

***

Blackness. 

Silence. 

Breathing. 

In, then out.

Light begins to creep in, coursing along flat walls and corners. River takes in a shuddering breath of clean sterile air, the sound loud and drawn out, echoing hollowly as the room ripples and slips back into place.

For a moment, it is only her and Mal. She knows he doesn't see her, but he looks straight at her, eyes glinting, and just breathes. He shakes his head ever so slightly, swallowing hard. 

River stares back, shaken and overcome, and just breathes.

***

"He'll kill you if he finds out you were touching Betty." Zoe closes the flap on the bag as she sees Kaylee getting tense.

A more comfortable silence follows as they eat, the hum of the rain continuing steadily outside. 

Simon picks lightly at the food on his plate, almost absently, as he stares at the bags of arsenal.

"I was certain . . . that he was going to make a deal. Jayne. To save himself . . . "

The others still, the room suddenly somber. 

***

"How can you continue to flout the danger you are in?" The fed gives Mal a shake.

Mal grins lazily up at the fed, "How can you be so obtuse? Turning in the doctor means turning in my crew, my ship." Then mocking offense, "Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot the Alliance only knows how to look out for itself, be damned those you have to step on to do so!"

The fed bristles, "Is that why you are helping the Tams? To get back at the bane that is the Alliance in whatever petty way you can? We should never have sent those medships in for traitors like you." 

Mal stares disbelievingly at the fed, then retorts in exasperation, "Who the hell are the Tams?!"

The fed releases Mal's shirt with a shove. He steps back, rubbing between his eyes, "What is the extent of your involvement?"

"With what?!" Mal's voice is incredulous.

"Why do you insist on making this more difficult than it needs to be?"

"Because," Mal begins in his most condescending tone, "I don't know," he labors over each word, "_What-_you-are-talking-about." 

***

Wash looks up, guilt fleeting briefly over his own face before he smothers it in sarcasm, "Jayne make a deal? Never!"

Simon smiles slightly, albeit darkly, despite himself as Wash continues his rant, 

"Well, except that that one time...and then there was...How is it didn't he make a deal again?"

Simon gives a quiet laugh, conceding the point in a soft voice, "I suppose it wasn't such a farfetched conclusion." He continues on, his voice distant, "I saw him . . . yesterday morning . . . " He drifts off into thought.

Simon stirs as the silence stretches, looking up at his captivated audience, and continues aloud, "I didn't realize what he was doing at the time. I thought he was trying to . . . hurt River . . . but I think . . . " he scratches the back of his head absently, almost smiling, "I think he had been trying to name a knife . . . "

Wash gives him a funny look, almost amused. "Zo--," Wash starts to say around a mouthful of bread as he reaches around and drags a bag closer. He digs to the bottom until he finds what he is looking for. He pulls a knife out of it's sheath, holding it up as he swallows, "This it Simon?"

The doctor stares across the table, the polished silver handle wrapped in black braided leather vaguely familiar. He looks at Wash in bewilderment, "How . . . ?"

Wash slides it back into the sheath and passes it across the table. Kaylee and Zoe exchange nervous glances as Simon stares at Wash incredulously. 

Wash looks uncomfortable as the moment drags out, "Just a little something I thought might interest you."

***

__

The night is a thick black, smoke from the burning valley below blotting out the stars. The ground beneath him is cold and hard, and a small fire, as big as his hand, burns at his feet.

River rubs at her tired eyes, "How did you do it?" She looks at Mal in wonder, his indignant face so close to the feds.

"It's gone." She walks over to him.

__

"Reynolds," a voice states somewhere behind him in the darkness.

"Not him. You're not him anymore." River slips closer, reaching out to touch his cheek.

He stands, stomping out the fire, the last of the light illuminating a sad smile, "That doesn't sound right coming from you."

The darkness is complete and blinding now as he hears her moving cautiously forward.

He sits back down in the dark, hears her settle next to him.

"Thought I'd lost you." Her voice is toneless, testing him.

"Almost."

The night surrounds them, almost tangible.

He breaks the stretched silence, "Thought the same of you."

River's eyes widen in fear, "You found the ocean." 

"That depends on you." Zoe waits a moment, "Broke light discipline."

"Whole valley's lit up, what's one more?" 

"Trying to get yourself killed?"

"Ain't nobody out there."

Zoe groans at his seemingly groundless notion, "How do you know?"

__

A grim humor laces his words, "No one's taken a shot yet." Softer, "Nothing ever goes smooth." 

The admission is swallowed into the anonymity of the darkness, the distant light of the fires below them not reaching their faces.

Again the silence stretches as Zoe offers nothing but her presence.

"This was a just war, Zoe."

"Still is--"

"No," he cuts her off, "This was it. This here . . . this valley is what could make or break us. Turn the tide. Without Serenity Valley . . . it's over. But He's still trying to . . . "

"Sir?"

"It nearly worked, Zoe." His voice almost cracks as he remembers his earlier actions.

Silence.

__

"This was a just war," he repeats, "Ain't a just God that would allow this."

Softly, treading on unfamiliar ground, "Don't imagine so, sir."

"I almost . . ." he struggles with himself, the blackness seeping back in the absence of words. 

"I won't let Him break me, Zoe," his voice is firm and steady.

She doesn't answer.

__

He continues, "The Alliance has stomped on us well and good, Zoe. And God's made it clear He's not on our side anymore. Fuck'm."

__

He senses her unease, hears her poking at the hot ashes of the fire by his feet. Doesn't care what she might find as he lets the silence drag out.

"It's not enough," River says, "Just symbols. Get rid of all of it."

__

His words seep softly into the black. "Ever been in the ocean, Zoe?"

"Don't go in." River sees the horizon curving over steely water, smells the salt, tastes it on her lips.

"Seen it," Zoe says in some relief, shifting in the darkness.

"Afraid." River stands along the edge of where the ocean meets the land.

"Not the same," Mal murmurs.

"Make it mine?" She can see where the ocean becomes deeper as the water darkens further out.

Zoe breaks the silence this time, "What was it like?"

"Cold," says Mal, "At first . . ."

She stands ankle deep in the surf, the wind twisting her dress around her legs.

__

". . . not so much after a spell . . ."

Wading deeper, she lets the chill sink into her bones as waves splash her waist. She shivers.

__

". . . numb, you know? I've only been once, but I'll always remember the sound . . ."

Birds cry overhead, diving into the rolling ocean ahead. The strong undercurrent pulls at her legs, beckoning her, but she holds her footing as she wades beyond the cresting waves. 

". . . once you get past the breakers . . ."

She pushes through the last swell and spreads her arms outward, pushing the water behind her, swimming further out.

". . . you're just floating . . ."

Lying back in the cold water, her dark hair fanned about her head, she stares at the sky, allowing the ocean to hold her buoyant. She relaxes her head back into the water, smothering her ears in a blanket of silence. 

__

" . . . no effort at all." 

She breathes out, and sinks lower till the rolling water pools into her open eyes, closing over her body. 

He stands, "Buried my father that day." 

With one last breath out, the world is silent and remote as River slips completely under the water. 

He hears Zoe rise to her feet, and kicks the remaining ashes out over the unseen cliff beyond where he had sat. He waits for a sound, but only the soft fall of ash and fluttering pages reaches his ears. 

__

Together they turn back to camp and walk silently through the darkness.

Blue sky ripples above her, and the darkness beneath her, far away, unheeded.

***

River sits up amidst the thin twisted blanket, her face clear and calm.

***

Simon takes the knife from Wash's outstretched hand, the pilot sitting back down and busying himself with an overenthusiastic bite of his lunch. 

Wash looks resentfully at the two women, "What?" he says around a mouthful.

Simon turns the knife over in his hands, long fingers running over the fine stitching in the leather. He takes the knife out, holding the handle upwards, before sliding it back in, suddenly not interested in it anymore. He casts a quizzical look at Wash, and then back down to the sheath in his hand, noticing the delicate embossing of intricate swirls.

Wash sighs, swallowing, impatient, "The other side." 

Simon turns it back over, the side that would rest face inward if worn on a belt. No patterns mark it, but in the center are hard, crude scratches in the leather. 

Simon reads them aloud, "Lil River."

Wash smiles victoriously, "If Jayne named a knife after your sister, I had always figured it'd be the kitchen knife."

Zoe backhands his chest playfully, stifling a smile as Wash coughs.

Simon looks distant, "She thought it was his birthday." He looks back down, his eyes suddenly bright, "She made this . . . " 

Wash chokes out as Zoe rubs his back, "Yeah, what's the deal with Mal fibbing? He told me --"

Zoe laughs, "Mal just wanted Jayne out of the way. You know Jayne has no concept of time, he wouldn't know any better."

Simon gives Kaylee a half-hearted superior smile, "Told you." He then looks to Zoe, almost sheepish, "May I . . . ?"

"By all means." She smiles at Wash, "That was nice sweetie," and gives him a full kiss.

Over the drumming of the rain, Zoe hears something, pulling away from Wash as she makes out the sound of footsteps coming down the walk. 

***

"What was your crew planning to do once they received your location here?" the fed asks.

Water drips outside the open cargo bay, sparkling in the moonlight. 

Mal laughs.

__

Simon pushes, "If this works, if you somehow miraculously manage to clear everyone's name . . . You know that any attempt to break out River will undo that freedom in a moment?"

River's eyes light up softly as she sees her brother, "Simon!" 

"Girl was trouble," Mal says, "Not exactly gonna go out of my way to get her back."

__

"Do you have any intentions at all of freeing her?"

Her face falls blank, pleading with a memory, "Simon, please don't be mad."

***

Wash pulls her back, murmuring, "I love making up," but Zoe pushes him away as she hears the footsteps slowing. 

Simon's hand searches for the gun strapped to his leg and Kaylee watches him and Zoe in rising alarm.

Zoe pulls her sawed-off from its holster and aims at the door as it slides open. 

"Shepherd Chow?" she exclaims in surprise, lowering her weapon. 

The others look at the Shepherd in confusion, trying to figure out why his presence seems amiss.

Chow himself is more than a little surprised and fearful of Zoe's drawn gun. He looks around the room, at the bags spilling their weaponry onto the floor, in clear discomfort. 

Wash laughs at his reaction, "You'll have to excuse my wife, Shepherd. She's really just a big teddy bear." Whispering into her ear, "Honey, put the gun away now so we don't scare the nice Shepherd." 

Zoe smiles tightly at Chow as she reholsters her sawed-off, concealing her uneasiness better than Simon. His hand twitches a little closer to the gun, while Zoe's rest casually on her thigh.

Kaylee speaks for the group as she asks, in confusion, "Aren't you back kinda early?"

Wash pops more food in his mouth as he agrees, "Yeah, and where's Book, he's missing out on some really good cooking. He'd really appreciate this."

Zoe looks sharply up at Chow, stating before he can answer, "Book's not with you."

Chow looks to her ingenuously, "No, I left him at the capital to assess the situation like you planned. He's making arrangements as we speak."

Simon shakes his head as he says slowly, "No . . . no, that wasn't the plan at all."

***

"When did you take them on as passengers?"

Mal glares, tired, but answers, "Several months back."

"Where?"

"Ariel City," Mal freely admits. "The Companion had business there."

"Yes, we know." The fed is impatient. "Her visit coincided with an incident at St. Lucy's hospital."

"Ain't that a fine happenstance."

"This _happenstance_ left eight Alliance Federals brutally murdered, among other _indiscretions_."

Mal mocks sudden fear, "And you think what, the boy did it?"

"The _boy_ was in custody just prior, along with his sister and another unnamed individual. At least three other persons were involved in illicit activities. May or may not be connected. You don't know anything about that, do you?"

Mal turns the interrogation around, "How did they die?" 

"That's none--"

"You're telling me that there's a killer on my ship! I think I have the right to know," the captain easily feigns indignation.

The fed blinks at Mal, seeing an opportunity for persuasion, "We don't know how, but the blood was boiled out of their bodies."

Mal turns a little paler, genuinely sickened.

"As you've noted, you've left your crew with a very dangerous man."

Mal shakes his head, in feigned shock, "He's just a boy . . ." 

The fed stands, watching Mal weigh his options, a knowing smile playing slightly on the older man's mouth.

Lights flicker, Mal looks to River on the floor, "I have to save who I can." 

Mal looks up suddenly at the fed. "Look," his voice is shaky, "I'll tell you where my ship is. _If_ you give me and my crew full immunity." 

The fed stops, "Four pardons in exchange for one fugitive?"

__

"Get up." His voice is not unkind.

"We're going to die anyway," the soldier on the ground protests.

Mal looks at the fed in surprise, "Six, not four. You know we were just collateral anyway."

__

"Then hurry up and do it or get your ass off the ground, Private. Cuz I ain't leaving anyone behind who ain't' dead."

"The Companion confessed, and one of your crew is presumed dead. Four."

Mal becomes very still, eyes unfocusing, "She . . . she wouldn't . . " He swears to himself, looking at the fed, "Why would she-"

River mutters to herself, "She doesn't want to die, but he can't come back. Can't let him come back. No more. Not if she's dead."

The fed cuts him off, "That' none of your concern, Captain Reynolds. Four pardons for--"

"Five, I'm not sending Jayne back to his mother with that stigma."

__

Still shaking, the private puts her gun away, "I don't want to die."

River slides up the wall, "I know what I have to do."

The fed stares back, then nods, "Five. _If_ we find Simon Tam where you say he is."

River whispers, "I'm sorry, Simon." 

Quietly, Mal says right back, "I don't want you to die."

River stands on her own, pushing away from the door, "We have to die."

*** 

Wash stops eating, and Kaylee's hands clench the cup in her hand, her hard-won calm about to break again. Zoe remains still, her hand sliding ever so slightly down her thigh.

Chow keeps his eyes on Simon, who asks, "What are these 'arrangements' that Book is making?"

Chow looks uncomfortable, "I can't say." He continues to look at Simon with worry.

Wash pipes up, "But they're happy, nonhurtful arrangements, right?"

Chow looks at him, tearing his eyes from Simon, "I think so."

"Practice answer," Wash says, "Let's hear that once more, and this time with a little more enthusiasm and confidence!"

Everyone waits for Chow to answer, and he meets their eyes hesitantly, "I . . . trust . . . his judgment, and I think that you should as well."

Wash looks up at Simon, then to Zoe next to him, "So Book improvised, we're still on track, right?"

No one answers.

"It's still a go, right? Honey, please?" Wash struggles to maintain his optimism.

She gives Chow a pointed frown, and he backs out of the room, closing the door behind him. 

Zoe meets Simon's panicked eyes, "I don't think so." 

***

The fed's face turns distant as he presses his hand to his ear, listening. Mal watches as the older man's eyes meet his.

"Our gunships have reported back. They found no sign of your ship or the fugitive at the Farrel ranch."

Mal seethes with a understated rage as he asks quietly, "What did you do to it?"

"Nothing more than a thorough search perfectly within the bounds of the law, I assure you."

River stares at the floor, exhausted as she absently narrates, "Burning? Show of power. Show of hate. Killed everyone, wants to."

Through gritted teeth, Mal growls. "Just like it was within the bounds of the law to shoot down a man and leave him for dead?"

The fed blinks ingenuously, "He resisted arrest." 

River says calmly, "Left him as bait. He listened to her. Fell when she said." 

"I should be receiving word on the location you gave me shortly. Won't be long now before we know if you're a free man or not."

***

Wash and Kaylee look at Simon, who doesn't disagree. Outside the rain continues to beat unrelentingly, numbing the senses in its constant drone.

Zoe looks calmly up at Simon, "I guess the question is what do we do now?"

Simon stares warily at her, his hand leaving the proximity of the gun at his side, "I thought . . . ?"

Zoe shakes her head, but Wash answers for her, "It was a bad idea Simon. Deal's off. No one is going to turn you in."

Simon lowers his hands, staring at her in disbelief, "You were bluffing?"

Zoe stares back steadily, "I've changed my mind."

Wash adds, "Women do that, luckily for me."

"So the question still stands, Simon. What do we do now?"

With a familiar decisiveness, riding past any pain, Simon rises to his feet and tells the three of them, "Head back to Serenity."

Kaylee jumps up, "I thought we trusted Book?!" She turns to Wash and Zoe, "He wouldn't do nothin to hurt Simon, so it's shiny, we ain't got no cause to worry, right?"

Wash looks worriedly at Zoe, "It's not possible for Book to get a little overzealous in his protectiveness ...? He couldn't try to save Simon's hide by using the rest of us as the payoff?"

She gives her husband an annoyed look as she stands, shooting that idea down with nary a word spoken.

Zoe turns to Simon, "I'm thinking that you and I have been wrong this whole time about Book's loyalties. He's been short on money of late. Could be he's betting on collecting a reward for you."

Kaylee is horrified with each new suggestion. 

Simon shakes his head, "If that were so, he could have turned me and River long ago and gotten double the sum."

Wash catches on, "Who's saying he didn't? I mean, we never did figure out who tipped the feds on you three back at Ariel City."

Simon gives Wash a strangled look, saying with quiet confidence, "It wasn't Book."

He sees the bewilderment of Wash and Kaylee, and stares back in revelation as he sees Zoe's surprise.

Kaylee speaks first, "Then who . . . ?"

Zoe shakes her head in warning, and Simon nods, clenching his jaw firmly shut on a sudden flash of anger. He guides Kaylee out of his way as he heads for the door, "Get this up," he says to the room in general, pointing at the arsenal, "And get back to Serenity."

Wash calls after him, "So what's the danger? I don't get it."

Simon looks at Wash, "In case you're right."

__

***

The fed listens intently to the wire in his ear. 

River looks at Mal and states matter-of-factly, "You're not safe."

The fed glares at Mal, dropping his hand, "You knew they wouldn't be there."

Mal smiles, "Oh, you mean a ship full of Federal fugitives was supposed to stay parked, waiting to get pinched?"

__

Static hisses in the chill predawn. 

"Deal's off." The fed is angry.

For the moment Mal is smug, "I imagine so."

***

Three of them crouch in a make-shift shelter, two around the radio, listening to the crackle and whine of dead air. 

"Sir, I can't raise HQ. There's nobody out there."

He takes a deep breath and looks to a soldier who peers through a rifle scope over the berm.

"Anything Peters?" 

The soldier shakes his head, "Not a sign. Last explosions were on the northern horizon twenty four hours ago. If this spot gets any colder it'll be snowing. It's just us down here in the Valley, Sarge."

He finally looks to Zoe, her face haggard and grimy, eyes shining out a knowing despair. He nods, turning away for a moment. When he looks up, out through the broken walls of the shelter, he sees, the eyes of the others are on him.

"Sir," Zoe whispers, so that Peters can't hear. "No one's coming." 

He glances over his shoulder before standing swiftly, speaking aloud, "Get everyone up Zoe, we're heading to the source."

She nods curtly and moves quickly out of the shelter.

Peters turns from his scope, "Sarge? We have no water as it stands now. We'll be dead before we ever reach the spring."

"We're dead either way, might as well die trying." He smiles serenely. 

***

"You knew," Zoe states, catching up to him as he heads towards the passageway out under the shelter of the stone walkway.

Simon rounds on her, "And apparently so did you."

Zoe stops, blinking at his quiet outburst.

Simon continues, hissing quietly, "Does everyone know that Jayne tried to sell my sister and I out?"

"Only the Captain and myself."

Simon nods, fuming as he takes this in. "How could you two knowingly keep a man like that on board?"

She stands by Mal's decision, "It was a risk taking him on in the first place." Then something in her eyes changes, "It was also an investment, I suspect. Not someone he'd willingly let go of." Zoe looks at Simon with a newfound wonder, "Why did you?"

Simon backs down, looking away, "I'm not Jayne." 

He turns away and takes a step toward the alley of the abbey that leads to the outer gates, keeping the guestroom in sight. 

Zoe falls in step with him, letting his non-answer slide, "We'll head back to Serenity, fine.What about you?"

"I'll wait here with Jayne, I don't want to risk moving him again." He stops and looks squarely at her, "Book is due back after nightfall. If he's not back long after, without sending word, then we'll know that most likely he's made a deal. But if that is his intention, I'm afraid we'll be hearing back from him a lot sooner . . . " 

Wash and Kaylee emerge from the guestroom, burdened with their bags, and he waits for them, a growing fear shadowing his face. He turns on his heel to conceal it, and leads them out of the courtyard into the pounding rain, towards the gates.

***

"You tell me where your ship really is, I won't hold any grudges for the past twelve hours, and I'll consider the deal back on."

Mal stares at the wall, his face blank, muscles in his jaw tensing.

River stares at Mal, "Lost at sea, the sky is gone."

"Captain Reynolds?"

Mal looks up, eyes empty, "I don't know."

*** 

Wash stores the last of the bags in the shuttle, rejoining the others out in the rain, hair plastered flat against his skull, "We're ready."

Kaylee feels time moving too quickly, "Come with us," her voice sounding muffled in the heavy rain as she stands facing the shuttle, Simon with his back to it.

"I need to stay with Jayne." He looks at Wash as well, "Besides, you should be on Serenity. If things go badly, you get the ship up and flying." 

Wash nods, sucking the water off his upper lip. 

"At the least Serenity should be flying." Simon looks to Zoe, who seems to approve in her silent stony way, merely blinking the rain out of her eyes. 

He looks beyond her, back toward the abbey. 

Zoe follows his gaze, glancing over her shoulder. Chow stands under the archway, watching silently. She looks back to Simon, catching his worried look. Walking over to him, she glances at Wash and Kaylee as she pulls him aside, whispering, "What about Chow? I still don't trust him, especially not now. Jayne should be fine with another move--"

"Is that your medical opinion?" Simon hisses, "He's staying, and so am I." 

He tries to reassure her, calming his voice, "Chow isn't a threat, we'll be fine here." 

Zoe searches his face, not liking what she sees, but leaves it alone; instead turning away and stepping into the shuttle. Wash gives one last glance to Simon and follows his wife inside.

Simon is left with Kaylee watching him as the rain courses over her face. 

***

"Isn't that a pity." The fed smiles coldly.

Mal stands, giving his shoulders a shrug and twisting his hands in the cuffs, brushing off his lapse, "So . . . guess I'll just go on back to my bunk. I'm sure you'd like to sit down for the noonday meal, now that we're done here." 

The fed walks over, putting a hand on Mal's shoulder, "Certainly, you're of no use to us now," he shoves Mal back down on the bench, "But I haven't worked up an appetite yet." 

__

" . . . kill him personally . . ."

River shies back a step in surprise from the blank wall, "He's here. The dead man's here." 

She continues to back away as a young fed appears in the room. The two uniformed men walk slowly toward her, cold menace in their eyes until the back of her knees bump the bench where Mal sits calmly. 

He looks at her, his face serene, "It doesn't mean anything. It's over."

She smiles eerily, "But not like you think."

***

Warm fat drops drum on their heads, on the shuttle, on the ground where it splashes mud on their legs. Simon's eyes have trouble meeting hers, instead he looks at Chow far behind her. 

"So," Kaylee begins, "Was last night--this morning-- was that goodbye?"

This catches Simon off guard as he looks at her in surprise, "No . . . no bao bei."

"But this is, right? This sounds exactly like goodbye," she flashes angry eyes at him, "Cap'n said the same thing, and now he's gone." 

She begins to walk past him, but he catches her arms low, "He's going to come back."

She nods silently as the rain continues to fall, not believing him, staring at the muddy ground. He captures her hand as she steps around him towards the shuttle, out of sight. He feels her fingers sliding away as she takes another step further. 

Soon his hand is empty except for the deadening beat of the rain, and he can barely hear the shuttle door closing. 

He stares at Chow as the shuttle rises unseen behind him and disappears into the rain.

***

" . . . lost at sea, we all die alone . . . " 

River watches unflinchingly from against the wall as Mal rocks back from another blow, the burn on his cheek bleeding freely. 

" . . . this isn't right . . . "

The monitors beep slowly in the infirmary. Jayne lies in the dim light, eyes half open, unseeing.

". . . . it's just a dream . . . "

Simon stares out across the rolling hills as the rain beats down on him.

" . . . waiting . . . "

In the cold grey bridge of Serenity, Wash and Zoe stand, wrapped in each other's arms as they watch the rain coursing in steady sheets down the windows.

" . . . dead man's coming to take us home . . . "

Engines stilled in the silent heart of Serenity, darkness reigns as Kaylee sits curled, wrapped in a blanket.

" . . . long black in between. . . "

Inara sits straight and composed on the bed, then turns and puts her ear to the wall, her face sad as she listens to River's faint voice.

" . . . want to wake up . . . "

River leans wearily against the wall of her cell, furthest from the door, " . . . he's coming . . . " 

Whispers race down the corridor, flying ahead of a newcomer. Young Alliance Federals stare rudely in ignorance. Older eyes recognize the name, and stare in fear as they finally see the face that belongs to the Angel of Death.

". . . .we're all dreaming . . . "


	7. Dead is Safe

****

Author's Note: _Chapter 7 of 8_

****

Summary: As the situation spirals from bad to worse, Mal is visited by a dead man, River's journey for peace takes her to a startling moment of discovery and freedom, and Simon makes a choice that could change the crew of Serenity's lives in a way they never thought possible.

****

Choices 

__

"To be a good soldier you must love the army. But to be a good officer you must be willing to order the death of the thing you love. That is . . . a very hard thing to do. No other profession requires it. That is one reason why there are so very few good officers. Although there are many good men." 

"There was this truth about war: it taught you the men you could depend on." - The Killer Angels

****

Dead is Safe

Golden light spills in through an open door, glows golden through the walls as a clean breeze sweeps through the courtyard.

"Time to wake up."

***

Outside the abbey gates, Simon stands in the rain, overlooking the rolling hills that stretch below to the north. His hair falls unheeded into his eyes, and the warm rain can no longer keep away the chill that has seeped into his bones. 

Skin numbed, he stares unseeing to the horizon, and Chow has no difficulty dragging him back under the relative dryness of the thick abbey wall, where it arches over the gate.

Simon barely notices, but continues to stare vacantly out, in the direction of a herd of cattle in the northwestern fields. 

Chow watches him, a shadow falling over his face, but doesn't speak for a moment. Instead, he turns his gaze to the herd who stand huddled against the storm, the calves unseen in the middle, protected. 

The rain pummels the grass flat across to the horizon, and streams course down in undulating paths along the roll of the land.

***

In a decrepit bar, rain pounding on the tin roof and leaking through the cracks, a grizzled man sits. His shoulders and hair are rain-spattered, the stained table his hands rest on is in the back corner by the occupied phone, tucked away in the shadows. Scars line his face, jagged hooks and starbursts of pale tissue that interrupt his beard. He doesn't blink as the man behind him ends the phone call and joins him, pulling up a stained chair. 

One eye is obscured by a patch, his jaw smooth, and his shoulders and hair also damp from the rain that drips on the table.

"Deals confirmed," One-Eye says. "Man on the inside says wait for details on the target."

Scar allows a small smile of satisfaction, "Grudges are a profitable thing."

One-Eye smiles widely, "Our target makes a nice bragging right if this goes through."

"That would be a foolish thing to do," Scar advises, his voice cold as ice as he stares hard at his protégé.

  
***

Eyes furtively look away as a man approaches a security station. The senior officer stands smartly and accepts the ident card handed to him. Sliding it through he regards the older man before him with reverence, looking away in respect after a brief moment, "Scuttlebutt said you were aboard, sir. To what do we owe this honor?"

A smooth, rich voice replies, "I have business that I mean to collect on." Brown eyes smile at the officer, "You have a man here that I would like to speak to. A Captain Malcolm Reynolds."

The officer nods, "Of course, sir. This way."

***

River watches impassively, indifferent, as another blow rocks Mal back in the grip of the younger fed. She ignores the captain and peers over the older feds shoulder, to where the door should be, and still isn't.

"You know," Mal spits, head rolling back as the bench connects with the floor again, "If you're not hungry yet, I'm starting to feel a mite peckish myself." Blood trickles from a split in his brow.

River sidesteps the two feds, leaving Mal behind her as she calmly approaches the far side of the room.

"Independent scum. Don't know when to stay down." The older fed punctuates this with another blow to Mal's face. 

River glances over her shoulder and rolls her eyes, returning to her investigation of the wall. She runs her hands along the blankness, curious, confused, and hears Mal from behind her.

"For a winner you sure seem a mite sore." A smile tinges the captain's voice, "Some of your own give it to you one too many?"

The older man lashes out just as the younger fed glances up in surprise when the door opens, loosening his hold on the captain.

No longer help upright, Mal is sent backwards from the force of the punch as the bench under him topples--

__

His back hits the ground hard, his head ringing. Looking right he sees the pale sightless face of Bendis.

Beyond that he sees bare feet and the torn hem of a skirt, scraped knees. 

Turning his eyes upward in surprise he sees a girl, impervious to the violence around her. At first she doesn't realize he is staring at her, and their eyes meet in mutual shock. 

She quickly steps over Bendis's body and kneels down, "He is coming wearing the dead man's name, don't be afraid."

Mal continues to stare, surprise turning to horror, "River?"

She stands back up, flicking a cool gaze to the rain of bombs and fire over the sandbags. Turning her eyes back to him, she asks, "Please let me go."

The burning valley rushes away, sweeping River with it and--

Mal opens his eyes and flinches at the bright lights of the interrogation room. He groans as he feels his arms crushed beneath him, sound still fuzzy in his ears. 

As hands haul him up, setting the bench to rights, he hears a new voice, faintly familiar.

***

River slips down the wall, brow beaded with sweat, gasping weakly in momentary relief. Collapsing completely to the cold floor, she closes her eyes as she places a hand against the solid implacableness of the locked door, almost smiling.

Her eyes fly open in sudden remembrance or realization of something, and she quickly clamps them back shut, ducking her head in shame. Drawing her knees up, she wraps her head in her arms, and quietly begins to weep, her face twisting with self-reproach.

In the other cell Inara raises her head as River's voice falls silent, her eyes searching the blank wall.

***

"Those are our cattle out there," Chow begins, his soft voice cutting through the pounding of the rain, "We should have moved them this morning to the south pasture, but for the rain."

Simon doesn't reply at first, seeming to not have heard the shepherd.

Finally: "But for us," he clarifies blackly, still staring out into the rain.

Chow studies Simon's face carefully, "Our purpose here is to ease the burdens of others." He smiles, "Generally that means taking the weight upon ourselves." Chow looks from Simon back out to the cattle in the distance, "Many of the local ranchers here on Grenfield scrape by, under vigorous restrictions of the Alliance that the we at the abbey don't have to abide by."

Simon doesn't respond.

"Most ranchers can't afford the labor to keep their farms running. We shepherds do what we can to assist them. It is all part of the work we do in God's name."

Simon laughs bitterly, "I guess you could say that _we _were doing God's work." He finally looks at Chow, giving a vicious smile, "Our jobs aren't all that different."

Chow looks mildly offended by this idea, "How is that?"

Simon continues his mirthless laugh, "The only reason we're on this shee-niou planet is because we were doing a favor for one of your 'local ranchers'." 

Chow overlooks Simon's insult, "Do you really believe that coming here endangered you?" 

Simon sobers, "No." He looks slightly ashamed for his outburst, "No, they would have found us, sooner or later. If not here, then somewhere else . . . out in the black, maybe."

Chow nods his approval, looking out at the huddled herd as they wait for better weather. They stand in silence a moment.

"Who was this rancher?" Chow tries again to distract Simon from his thoughts.

"Shuh mu?" Simon starts, looking at Chow as if he forgot they had ever spoken.

"Perhaps I know the family."

Simon looks distant, thinking a moment, "Chet . . . might be Reynolds, I'm not sure." 

The shepherd pauses, trying to remember, "Reynolds? No." 

Simon has already stopped listening.

"But I know a Chetham Farrel. Old Time hand out from one of the more prosperous border moons. Worked for a lady there before things got bad. He fled here with his family when the Alliance started pushing."

"Why didn't he go back?" Simon asks, not really interested, only going through the motions of conversation, "After the war was over?"

"Nothing grows on Shadow anymore." 

This catches Simon's attention, but Chow is thinking on other things, "Chet is a good man, but he has a lot of troubles. His children left him after this life proved too hard." Chow extends a sweeping hand toward the horizon, "If we weren't here, him . . . and half of these ranches would fold. It's nearly impossible to stay afloat on Alliance terms." Chow lets out a breath, "Now it's just an old man and his wife and several transient hands." He pauses and looks at Simon sidelong, "You're not the first merchant ship to have under the table dealings with him, and you won't be the last."

Simon is lost again in his own thoughts when Chow takes him by the arm to lead him back inside. 

He shakes loose, giving Chow a suspicious glare.

The shepherd insists, "You should go back inside, you're not well."

Simon shivers in response, sharing a quiet look, and follows him back into the abbey, the way back to the courtyard not so mysterious or elaborate as it had seemed the night before. Behind him, out on the plains, the rain begins to slow.

***

Mal is set back down on the bench, blood running into his left eye, blinding him. The cuffs are removed from his wrists and he quickly blots at his face with his torn sleeve, the other arm hanging limply in his lap. He can hear the two feds moving away. The door opens, two sets of footsteps move out into the corridor, and the door swings back shut. 

The room is silent. 

He blinks his eyes clear and hears a step at the other side of the room. Stopping, one hand clasping the crusted gash on his arm, he raises his head, finally seeing the other man standing in front of him. For a moment Mal's face goes slack as he stares in surprise. The other man steps closer as Mal ducks his head, his face hidden for a brief moment by his fallen hair. When he looks back up, his face is schooled into a blank mask, a hint of a challenge in his eyes as he meets the gaze of the new come stranger. 

***

River finally quiets, murmuring as she drifts off into the oblivion of utter exhaustion, 

"Names . . . everyone has a story to tell . . . need to forget the name . . . start a new book . . ."

***

"I don't like it," Zoe says, pacing the bridge.

Wash tries to still her movements, "Because the past two days were so very likeable."

"No," she shakes her head, pulling away, restless. "Something's going to happen."

He raises his hands in exasperation, asking rhetorically, "Yes, and I vote that it involves us staying here and worrying in relative safety."

Zoe stops and gives him a pointed look, her mind made up, "I'll be back."

***

Simon sits back in the chair in the infirmary and allows Chow to drape a blanket over his wet shoulders, staring indifferently at the floor. 

The monitors beep steadily as Jayne rests quietly, mingling discordantly with the steady rap of the deerchaser in the courtyard.

The shepherd watches Simon for a moment and is about to say something when a frail tap at the open door alerts him to Old Father. 

The smaller man whispers quietly to him, not out of secrecy, but from old age and a respect for the two injured men inside. Chow looks over his shoulder at Simon, but the younger man doesn't notice. Without a word he leaves, sliding the door closed on Simon and Jayne.

Simon raises his head tiredly, glancing at the closed door, then lays his head in his hands. 

Outside the rain continues to fall, but softer now, and the deerchaser continues to tap. 

On the back of his eyelids he sees an elongated square of blue on black. He rubs his eyes till there is only black_. A wind rushes in his ears as he is pulled in a black undercurrent, through familiar corridors that he knows from sleepless nights._

Over all this he can hear a steady tapping, dull and heavy, still faint and far away. A small teardrop of blue cuts through the blackness ahead, growing larger. 

Echoing loudly as he bursts through the doorway into the vastness of the cargo bay, and with an deafening abruptness, the rushing wind ceases.

Silence.

The moonlight spills through the open door, reflecting off the floor and filling the open space with a silver light. A thousand stars are captured in the drops of rain on the ramp. Tiny rivulets still trickle down to the wet grass outside. Water drips softly outside from the neck of Serenity, and a cool clean wind picks up, ruffling his hair softly.

Simon can hear breathing not his own, and the soft tapping of a gun against Mal's thigh.

The captain stares out into the night, looking to the soft glow of the capital on the horizon, his face bathed in moonlight. 

Simon watches silently, waiting.

Mal glances at him briefly, the captain's face cut sharply in half by shadow. One eye glints brightly, the burn a black stain on the captain's cheek. Mal turns back to the stars, muscles tensing as he clenches his jaw. He looks to the side, the back of his head now to Simon, as he places one hand on the doorway, reaffirming Serenity's solidity. He lets his hand slide down, turning back again to night sky as he begins to flick the hammer of his gun.

  
Simon lets out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, the muscles relaxing in his shoulders, unclenching his own empty hands. An expression of exasperation and not a little bit of anger replacing the fear.

"You're not going to kill me," he states, and the rhythmic whine of the gun stops.

Mal blinks once at him, slightly startled, then, in a quiet voice, "There's a notion."

With a swiftness the barrel of the gun presses against the middle of Simon's head and a cold glint is in Mal's eye.

Simon's hands rise inadvertently, and he stares with renewed uncertainty at the captain. 

***

Mal ignores the blood that resumes to trickle down his face till he can't bear it any longer, swiping at his brow. He glances briefly up at the man on the other side of the room, shaking his head in an abortive gesture, waiting for the newcomer to make the first move.

The man takes a step closer, his soft deep voice cautious, "Captain Malcolm Reynolds."

Mal looks back, not a flicker of recognition in his eyes, "Should I know you?"

Book nearly smiles, "No."

***

__

Mal's face twists in anger. "You don't know me boy, and that's a dangerous thing."

Simon nods slowly, hands still raised, "That's not entirely my fault." 

"I mistook you." Mal smiles at Simon's refusal to cow. "Overestimated you. Just as you've underestimated me."

Simon says cautiously, "I think we've both fallen prey to perilous misunderstandings."

"I'm thinking you're not wrong about that," Mal agrees, "It wasn't a light thing I did when I took you and your sister in."

"Mal, I kno--" Simon begins to explain.

"No. You apparently don't _know. So let me make clear where it was I thought we stood."_

Simon juts his chin out, trying to keep from shaking as the gun digs into his forehead, refusing to back away.

"I've kept you despite the trouble you bring. Made you crew--"

Simon opens his mouth to speak but Mal cuts him off, pressing the gun harder against his brow.

"Which makes me accountable for you, including your sister. _ Again, not a thing I'm apt to take lightly."_

Simon closes his eyes, taking a deep breath.

"As such, there are certain things I expect back in return." Mal releases the pressure on Simon's forehead. "I understand that you have your own responsibilities, and I've gone out of my way to respect that. As crew of this ship, however, it follows that I am your captain. Which means you listen _to _me_."_

He lowers the muzzle to Simon's chest, giving it a painful jab, "Crew." Mal knocks back the hammer one last time, "Captain."

***

Mal asks, his tone cautious, "You Alliance?" 

"You might say that." Book smiles.

***

__

Simon swallows.

"Dong ma?" Mal's voice is quiet, strained.

Simon opens his eyes, "Yes."

Mal gets his anger back under control, waiting the space of a few breaths as he keeps his gun trained on Simon's chest.

"Have you ever been responsible for a life, Simon?"

The doctor gives him a dumb look. 

__

***

"What business you got with me?" Mal demands quietly, his eyes cold as death.

Book takes a step closer, his posture arrogant and assured, "I didn't believe it when I'd heard."

Mal stares warily.

"Your deal," Book continues, "Seems you have quite the silver tongue."

Mal smiles tightly, his eyes never wavering from their distrust, "Yeah, almost got everything I wanted."

Book darkens, "At whose cost?"

***

Simon stares at the captain as if he had lost his head, "You keep forgetting--"

Mal cuts the doctor off before he can finish.

"I'm talking to a doctor, yeah," He mentally kicks himself. "I don't mean healing people-- taking something broken and putting it back together. I mean looking a person in the eye and knowingly sending'm off to their death. The power to make things worse, not better. That _kinda responsible."_

Simon shakes his head, "No."

"You made hard choices in the trauma room." Mal waits a moment, "Right?"

Simon nods.

"Then you know that you can't let them see your doubt, no hesitation. You can't afford others questioning your decision, can't let them know how bitter the choices are. That's not their weight to bear." He looks back, "Out here, Simon, it's not yours anymore. It's mine_."_

"But you're right." Mal lowers his gun, holstering it, "I'm not gonna to kill you, Simon."

***

"Doesn't matter," Mal heaves a frustrated breath through his nose like a caged animal. "I couldn't hold up my end."

Book says slowly, his voice rhythmic, "I can't help but wonder if you ever intended to honor this deal."

Mal cagily eyes the older man for a moment, the situation far out of his control, "No."

"I didn't imagine so," Book agrees, believing Mal. 

"Glad to hear it. " The older man pauses in amused reflection, "What if the deal were back on?"

Mal looks nervous, still wracked with misgivings over the other man's intentions, shaking his head, "I can't give them what they want."

Book looks the captain straight in the eyes and states, "I can." 

Mal curses softly under his breath, his battle over trusting Book suddenly falling to the side of not.

Book continues, leaning close to Mal, "And I can put you back in a position where you can make good on your word."

Surprised and off-balanced, Mal quickly rethinks the situation and asks carefully, "What's in it for you?"

"I'm looking to turn in my wings for good," Book announces, standing straight. "I have been retired all but officially the past decade, and I'd like to free myself of the last vestiges of this name and title. Not have to work anymore. I find all this . . ." he gestures vaguely, "Distasteful."

Warily, with a look of dawning realization, Mal asks, "Don't believe I caught your name."

"I never gave it." Book smiles as Mal finally understands.

"No," Mal's face is studiously blank. "You didn't" 

Book smiles coldly as he introduces himself, "Gabriel Godsey, former commander of Echo Force."

Mal stares, impassive, the name not visibly registering.

"Black ops," Book explains, "You wouldn't have heard of us. I acquired a certain rep amongst the fringers as the Angel of Death."

Mal blinks, shrugs, waiting for the shepherd to continue.

"Long before you ever took to the skies, Captain," he offers in a fatherly tone. Gingerly, he explains as much as he is able, "Most of what I've done never happened, things that I am unable to speak of. Even now I travel with no footprints. It'll be nice to have a name that stays." He stares pointedly at Mal, "Live simple. Find some trustworthy folk."

***

"You're not _going to kill me." Simon recites the words back. His brow furrows in comic confusion as he bluntly asks, "Why not?" _

Mal doesn't answer as Simon stares him down, and the captain shifts uncomfortably.

The younger man waits a beat, then, "So, what are _you going to do?"_

Mal doesn't answer right away, and Simon lets out a shaky breath as his future is no longer so certain.

Turning calm eyes back to Simon, "We need a location before we can do anything, right? I'll get that for you." Brightly, a plan of action warming his blood, he says, "Figger they left some feds back at the shuttle who are just itching to give me a ride straight to wherever it may be they're holding River." 

"That's insanity," Simon protests. Blurting out before he realizes what he is saying, "I'll go."

Mal laughs at that. "I don't think our cover story will work quite so well coming from the mouth of the Federal fugitive himself." He smiles patiently, "They've got Inara. She needs to be gotten free and clear of this. If me and her manage to convince the feds, could be all's we need worry about is your sister, which isn't much of a stretch from the norm."

Simon comments dryly, "I know I didn't hit your head that hard." 

Mal rubs absently at the back of his head, "We beg to differ."

Simon sighs in frustration, "You can't . . . Mal, they need you here." 

"No. They don't," his voice is tinged with resignation. "Actually, right now they're in much more need of you than me." 

Softly, "I can't--" 

He cuts him off, all steel again, "Gorramit! I'm asking you to trust me for once, Simon!"

Simon stops short, acquiescing, looking down at his hands. "What do you need me to do?"

His voice is laced with bitterness, "You're gonna have to prove to me you truly understand your obligation to me and the rest of my crew."

"How?" Simon glances at Mal with distrust, still not ready to blindly accept Mal's orders.

Mal says quietly, almost choking on the words, "You wanted command? Well, you got it."

***

"It's a hard thing to find: trust." Book's gaze bores into the captain.

Mal works his jaw, "It's hard to know what the right choice is when people aren't being up front."

The shepherd raises an eyebrow, conceding, "Indeed."

__

***

Simon struggles, fighting back the protest that forms in his throat, his eyes widening. Mal watches him, gives him time to let it sink in.

Silence threatens to swallow them again. 

"You are insane. Zoe should be the one--"

"If things go badly, and she's in charge, she will _turn you in. Or kill you. She wants to. I'm trying to keep us all alive."_

Simon tries one last time to escape, "I meant to kill you." 

The corner of Mal's mouth trembles, and his eyes soften, "I know." Mal lets that register, listening to the steady drip of water outside.

When Simon makes no further protest, he steps back from the open cargo door, all business. 

"Book's clammed up around me, might be he trusts you more," Mal turns away from the ramp, stepping closer to the edge of the moonlight and shadow, "Might be he can think of a way around this."

He turns and watches Simon, who seems to be lost in thought. "Listen," he begins.

The doctor focuses his eyes on Mal.

"There's an abbey not far from here, might be you can lay low, take the heat off Serenity." He steps back, shadows slipping over his shoulders.

Finding his boldness, Simon calls after him, "If Inara wasn't there, would you even be doing this?"

Mal considers this as he looks back out onto the moonlit fields. Quietly, without meeting Simon's gaze, he asks, "Are you still questioning my intentions?"

Simon freezes, then, "Yes."

A sad smile pulls at the corner of Mal's mouth, "Just so we're clear."

Simon relaxes and pushes further, "If this works, if you somehow miraculously manage to clear everyone's name . . . You know that any attempt to break out River will undo that freedom in a moment? It'll all point right back to Serenity."

Mal smiles, eyes distant even in the dark, "Let's just deal with what's in front of us." He turns, completely engulfed by the shadows. 

Simon follows him deeper into the darkness of the cargo bay, "Do you even have any intentions at all of freeing her? My sister?"

Mal stops, turning, his face barely a blur in the deeper shadows. Simon can't read his expression. 

Only the ghost of a voice that murmurs, "You still don't get it." Mal gives a half-hearted laugh as he turns and rummages inside a dark locker, finding what he needs. His voice muffled, his back still to Simon, he says absently, "Ship's yours."

Mal turns to face him again, clothed in shadow, his voice stronger, "And Simon." 

"Yes?" 

Mal unfastens his holster, handing it and the gun to Simon, who reluctantly takes them.

"Time for fessin' is over. You keep this dark night of the soul to yourself. Kaylee-- nobody need know 'bout it." 

***

Zoe pilots the small shuttle, the rolling fields whipping past below in the afternoon sun. The sprawl of the abbey is a swiftly approaching shadow ahead. Her face is stony, her hands clenched on the nav controls, as she curses under her breath.

***

"Time to wake up." 

It takes a moment for Chow's voice to register.

Simon rouses himself, blinking the sleep from his eyes as he looks up at the shepherd's somber face, then to the open door. 

Golden light spills in through the doorway and glows golden through the walls as a clean breeze sweeps through the courtyard. Looking back to the shepherd, he realizes that Chow is now wearing Alliance gray, complete with a standard issue firearm at his side.

Simon's eyes open wider, a flicker of surprise fading into mild alarm. "Book?" Simon deduces.

Outside the deerchaser has fallen deafeningly silent, almost marking the stop of time.

Chow nods, "I've just spoken with him. He's with your captain at the I.A.V. Beltaine."

Simon stands stiffly, the blanket falling from his shoulders, "What did he say?"

"Your captain's plan has failed in part." Chow pauses, grimacing in distaste before he continues, "But there is a way to get it back on track."

Simon listens as he neatly folds the blanket and lays it on the chair, "How?" He schools his face to suppress the excitement.

"Book can ensure the full pardon of the Firefly and its crew if sister and brother are both turned into the authorities."

Simon stops moving, his expression darkening. "What happens to River and I after we are taken into custody?" He walks over to Jayne, his voice studiously casual, and begins checking the bandages, hands shaking.

"Then the Alliance will immediately notify those persons most interested in you and your sister . . ."

"And there won't be any chance at all to break us back out," Simon concludes, looking quietly up at Chow.

The shepherd nods.

Simon crumples a bandage wrapper in his hand, defeat and hope mingling in his voice, "This is the real thing? You're not going to tell me that you and Book have some fiendishly spectacular plan of escape?"

Chow is pained as he says, "I'm sorry, Simon. Book has only made the Alliance keep their word on a deal your captain made in jest."

Simon stares at the shepherd a moment before his face hardens, "Bullshit."

Chow looks surprised as Simon continues, his voice cold,

"I'm not giving up on my sister."

"There's no other way, Si--" Chow begins.

Simon throws a steel tray against the wall, scattering it's contents across the floor in a loud clatter. "No!" he shouts, his eyes fierce. "You know where she is! We can--"

Chow suddenly brings his height to bear as he looms over the doctor, "Even if you find a way to save your sister, what about your crew?"

Simon swallows his outburst, inadvertently backing away from Chow, and repeats quietly, "I'm not giving up."

"_Giving up _is the only way your crew will get through this."

Finally, Simon nods, and Chow backs away, giving him space. The doctor's face darkens as a new thought occurs to him, "What about Inara?"

Chow grimaces at the bitterness of more bad news, "She has implicated herself beyond doubt." 

He sees Simon's indecision. "No one can help her now. But you have the chance to spare the lives of five others."

Simon pales, swaying a bit on his feet as he is suddenly overwhelmed.

"You have to make a choice now, Simon."

The young doctor stands motionless for a moment, feet steadied. Then, with his mind made up, unbuckles the holster and hands it to Chow, "I'm ready." 

He seems suddenly lost, glancing in confusion around the infirmary. He seems to remember himself, and says softly, his confidence gone, "I only ever wanted to keep her safe."

Chow replies compassionately, "The only people who are truly safe are the dead."

Simon continues to stare inwardly.

"Come," the shepherd says softly, "We should go."

Simon looks up in sudden revelation as Chow turns towards the door. He backs towards the cabinets and begins searching through the bottles that rattle as he fumbles through them. His fingers find what they were looking for just as strong hands clamp over his wrists from behind, forcing him to drop the bottle, pills rattling inside. It rolls across the counter, skull and crossbones facing up.

Turning, he looks at Chow's angry face as the shepherd growls, "_That_ is the voice of despair."

Simon stares back, panicked, "You don't know what they did to her--what they'll do to her again!"

"Don't beckon death to your door. It will come in it's own time. That time isn't now." Chow lets Simon's hands go and reaches in warning for the restraints at his side. 

Simon straightens, getting the hint. He gives one last look to Jayne on the table, before preceding Chow out the door.

***

Zoe opens the hatch and rushes out of the shuttle, booted feet splashing through the puddled grass to the abbey gate.

Her footsteps echo through the alleys and walkways, pounding on the stone as she breaks through into the courtyard. Swinging hard around the corner, she rushes into the infirmary.

Jayne lies peacefully alone, the monitors beeping steadily.

She looks behind her, the courtyard is empty. Cutting across the lawn, she reaches the guestrooms. 

Empty. 

In the kitchen strangers stare back at her in surprise.

Impatiently she asks, "Where's--"

She hears a whine above her, outside. Pushing back from the doorway she looks up to the rooftops and sky.

Racing through narrow alleys she reaches the twisted stairs that lead up, taking them three at a time.

She bursts out of the darkened passageway onto the rooftop in time to see the battered abbey shuttle disappearing into the western sky.

Panting breathlessly, she turns her eyes to the other figure on the rooftop.

Old Father. 

The brittle old man watches her and holds out a slip of paper.

Walking slowly towards him, she doesn't take her eyes off his face. She takes the paper from him, unfolding it as he walks away, leaving her alone with the sky.

She doesn't recognize the writing, but then again she has never seen Simon's script. The words are his.

__

Comms may not be safe. Only one choice left. You should be safe soon. 

Tagged on the end as an afterthought: _We were both wrong._

He didn't sign it

__

***

Book moves away, "Simon Tam should be arriving shortly. I need to make sure the reward is credited to my account once he arrives."

He turns to leave.

Mal queries, "How did you find him?"

Book turns.

Mal elaborates, struggling with the phrasing, "Won't the Alliance think it odd you bringing in a fugitive all serendipitous and such?"

"They don't question me," Book assures him.

Mal nods and watches Book leave.

Book turns back one last time, "You and Serenity are free. Once Simon arrives, a certain party is going to be contacted to come for him and River." Book seems nervous, "There won't be much time before then. Wait on the docks. And Captain Reynolds--"

"Not a word," Mal agrees.

***

Mal is led down the pristine and sterile corridor, hands swinging free at his side. At a junction ahead, he sees a squad of feds walking past. A familiar face follows.

The captain quickens his pace.

Hands cuffed, face white as a sheet, Simon doesn't see him, but stares straight ahead.

Mal passes his escort as they both reach the junction, the escort grabbing Mal's arm and holding him back. 

Five more guards follow closely on Simon's heels, and he is lost to sight as he continues on down the corridor.

***

"What are the charges against me?" Simon says loudly, vainly resisting his guard as he tries to stop in front of the commanding officer.

Kibrom doesn't answer.

"Never mind that," Simon amends as he is dragged away, his voice rising, "What crimes has my poor kidnapped sister committed?"

Kibrom gives a signal to one of the other guards.

"You've arrested her as well!" he screams, his voice almost cracking as he frantically tries to make himself heard. "Where is she--"

The guard gags Simon and ushers him into the waiting prisoner transport class shuttle.

Kibrom turns on his heel, walking away as a gray-eyed fed, long blond hair pulled back severely, falls in step with him.

__

***

"Contact the party in question," Kibrom says to the comms officer. "Let them know the package is in transit. Keep this quiet."

He turns to the waiting woman, "Ma'am?"

The blond fed walks him out of earshot of the comms officer, her voice low in confidence, "What are the charges against the Tam's?"

Kibrom looks annoyed, "It's not our--"

"Don't bullshit me Kibrom. Why were we not allowed to question the sister? Why did I spend the entire morning banging my head against a wall with the Companion? What are the charges?" 

Gruffly, trying to brush her off, "Kidnapping."

She lets him, nodding, "He kidnapped his sister?"

Kibrom nods back.

"And that is all?"

Kibrom gives her a stony look before walking away, leaving the interrogation quickly behind.

Softly, to herself, "Indeed, I do have a choice."

***

The blond fed hears her own voice, weak and hollow, speaking faintly from the vid, _"It is not for me to decide the truth of my orders." _

Her eyes fall for a moment as the companions voice plays, stronger and more assured than her own, still tinny in the speakers, _"No, you only enforce what you know to be an injustice."_

She grimaces as she listens to her own feeble protest, _"Miss Serra--"_

"You wonder why I would remain in the company of fugitives?"

The blond woman raises her eyes as the Companion continues to talk with an unfeigned passion, "_Because Simon was right in what he did. River is an innocent, a victim of our own government. Her brother did what was best for her." _The fed watches as the companion approaches her, ignoring the two guards on either side of her. 

"A young girl is tortured and her brother sacrifices all he has and is for her sake," Inara says on the vid screen. _"It was men within our own government he was protecting her from, and now you are helping to return her to that nightmare. The truth is that keeping them safe no matter your laws was and is the right thing."_

The fed hits a key and the vid squiggles in reverse. She hits another key and the vid resumes play, watching as Inara is approached by the two guards. She hears her own voice, _"Miss Serra, I am recommending your release."_

She hits stop, hesitates.

Purges the rest of the document.

***

Mal stands very still amongst the rushing of the crowd around him, lost, without direction. His face is muddied with smeared blood, haggard and starting to bruise. Brown stains his shirt and the torn sleeve hangs loosely as he cradles his arm absently against his stomach. 

No one notices, they all just rush on past, his tired body swaying easily in the sea of people, the air buzzing in a blur of voices and footsteps.

He stares vacantly at the docks, his head higher than the rest. 

Ships stretching on seemingly forever. Doesn't matter, none of them are his. 

Somewhere a musician strikes up a duduk, softly beginning to wail. The noises fade away into a numbing white noise as his body is jostled by the passerbys, leaving only his breath in his ears.

He feels it before he sees. A rippling in the crowd, like a wave, pressing in from behind. Turning, he sees the crowd part as a detail of feds march on through. The duduk drifts back in, hauntingly beautiful.

Glimmering in the center of the detail, as a light house rises out of the fog to call the lost ships home, is Inara.

The crowd crushes in and the tumbling of voices assails him again as he puts his feet to motion, pushing through to intercept her. Wading through the crowd, he struggles to keep his eyes on her as she passes a gate and out of sight.

When he breaks through to where she had been, the crowd sweeps into the wake of her passing, and several feds scatter past him.

Turning desperately, he catches sight of her just ahead, where the crowd has lessened, her dark hair swaying loose behind her. Only one fed remains as her escort, and Mal doesn't stop to wonder at it.

Pushing past the last gathering of travelers, he sets his eyes once again on his goal and jogs up behind her, easing his way around to just within sight of the corner of her eye. He matches pace silently, staring ahead. 

Slowly, a ghost of a smile forms on his face as he sees her eyes flit sideways.

The docks sweep past them as they continue onward, neither looking at the other as small smiles illuminate their faces. Mal reaches up and lightly clasps her arm, moving fully alongside her.

"It's a damned fine feeling," he says, keeping pace, a foolish grin on his face, "Besting the Alliance."

She smiles broadly, against her will, the light reaching her eyes as she removes his hand from her arm.

They continue on in a heady silence, stride for stride, until they reach a checkpoint, and a hand on Mal's shoulder stops him. A fed holds him back as Inara continues onward.

His hand reaches out, her fingers slipping from his in the grip she hadn't let go of until now.

He watches her move proudly and gracefully down through the sloping concourse, till he is alone again on the docks of the Alliance cruiser, in a sea of strangers.

The grin fades from his face as he turns back to where the feds had gone, swiping his hand over his tired face as the adrenaline suddenly leaves him staggering. 

Turning, he stops short of almost running into a very broad chest.

Looking up he sees a man, larger than Jayne. Alliance uniform and soft almond eyes, hand resting on a gun.

"Captain Reynolds?"

__

***

The engine of the prisoner transport hums in warm-up, sounding sharp through the open door.

Simon eyes the guard as he is cuffed and strapped into the webbed bench along the wall inside the shuttle, his eyes raised up under a dark brow, mouth gagged. 

When the gray uniform leaves his sight, he drops his challenging gaze, which swiftly turns to distress when he sees his sister, sitting across from him. She is also bound and gagged, secured to her seat, their knees only two feet apart. Eyes closed, she whimpers softly, trembling in her sleep.

Simon's eyes begin well with tears, his face reddening.

Her head sags forward, chin on her chest, hair falling in wisps to hide her face. Glimpses of her closed eyes revealing dark circles.

Simon tears his eyes away from his sister and turns his head to the side as the door slides shut, sealing them in with the silence. 

Alone in the shuttle, with only their breathing to break the deathly hush. He looks back at River, straining against his bonds. Silently, tears slip down his cheeks.

Restrained and silenced, he stomps his foot on the deck. 

A strangled sound of frustration and despair escapes him when she doesn't respond. Looking wildly around, it begins to sink in that there is no help, and no one is coming.

Simon feels the prison transport begin to move, and hangs his own head.

__

***

The afternoon sun beats down, no wind to cool the air or stir the drying grass.

One Eye listens to a comm as he watches the sky. Putting it down on an open weapons case, he turns to the older scarred man next to him, "Target's on the move."

"Same trajectory?" the other man asks.

The one-eyed man grins, "Just like our guy said."

***

Simon raises his head in alarm as the cockpit door unlocks and opens, looking to his sister in renewed fear. 

The fear subsides, but he watches warily and uncertain as Book glances briefly at River, whose head bobs lightly, eyes still closed. 

Keys jangle in the shepherd's hand, and Simon forces his shoulders to relax as Book approaches him. The shepherd smiles softly, undoing the gag before unfastening Simon's hands.

As soon as he is freed, "Was this your plan all along?" Simon asks, outraged.

Book has the decency to look shame-faced, "I apologize for the deception." He unfastens River, his back to Simon, "I wasn't at all sure if this would work. Convincing the commander that I should be the one to pilot this prison transport was touch and go."

Simon doesn't believe him, "How could you have risked our lives like that?!"

"Nobody forced you to turn yourself in, Simon." Book frowns as he removes River's gag, "Yet here you are. Almost on your way to a very bad place." 

Book stands, smiling enigmatically, "In fact, we still are."

***

The scarred man squints his eyes in the sun, shading the screen in front of him.

"Money's in our account. Old man was good on his word."

One Eye smiles, "I would do this for free."

***

Simon pushes past the shepherd, kneeling next to River almost protectively, touching her face gently. Her eyes flutter open, confused, a brief smile flickering across her face as she focuses on her brother.

"Ge ge," she murmurs tiredly, smiling fondly before almost immediately slipping off again. 

Simon smiles back, his eyes bright.

Book steps toward the cockpit as River stirs, remembering something, for she cries out suddenly, "I'm sorry!"

"Shhh, mei mei," Simon hushes as he reaches out for her, drawing her gently down into a tender embrace, "It's okay now."

She slips into his lap, draping her arms around Simon's back and burying her face in his neck, sighing as her dark mood flees as swiftly as it came.

Simon wraps his arms more tightly around her, burying his face in her hair, whispering, "You're safe now." He closes his eyes, smiling unconvincingly for a moment before it falters. He gives Book a panicked glance, "Serenity--the arrest warrants? Mal and--"

Book smiles, "Don't worry, son. Only a few more loose ends that need tying up."

River raises her head to look at her brother, voice sleepy and full of smiles, "Dead man's here."

She looks at Book the same time her brother does. One sweet smiles and the other fear and worry.

"How--they'll connect this to--" Simon calls to Book, who has disappeared back into the cockpit.

"Going to die." River lays her head back on his shoulder and he finds himself staring at her hair. Simon can't stop feeling a growing dread.

The shuttle lurches as something hits it.

***

Scar puts the comm down, "Won't be long now."

One Eye squints at the screen of the radar, "Can't see'm yet. Still in that gorram field."

"Not for long."

***

Simon carries River over to the door, grimacing as she presses into his ribs. He glances back toward the cockpit where Book disappeared for reasons unknown. He thumbs the control panel to open the door.

He is suddenly standing face to face with Mal, a stupid grin shining through the captain's exhaustion, arm cradled against his stomach.

Simon breathes out a deep sigh of immense relief, his face softening at the sight of the captain. Mal grins even more at him and Simon seems to look inward, surprise coloring his face.

"Hiya doc," Mal greets, his eyes flickering down to River, almost limp in her brother's arms, lightly gripping his neck. 

Mal steps out of the way, raising an eyebrow, "Miss me?" 

Simon recovers from his shock, smiling wryly, "Next time Zoe's in charge. I really don't care if she kills me."

Mal's smile fades as he stares at River, and Simon seems to understand, grimacing as he shifts her in his arms. "Can you?" he asks.

The captain quickly closes the gap between them to catch her up, and she unwraps herself from her brother and fastens on to Mal. 

For a moment, Simon is looking at the captain over his sister's shoulder. Only Mal doesn't see him, nor the awe and understanding on the doctor's face. The captain's eyes are closed in his own relief as he takes her slight weight completely into his arms, placing his hand on the back of River's head.

***

"I've always wanted to kill the Angel of Death" The one-eyed man grins.

The man with the scars looks annoyed, "It's just a name."

"Names are power, my friend."

*** 

Book closes the door and joins Chow in the battered cockpit, "We're in."

The shuttle gives a lurch as Mal lowers River gently onto a mismatched bench. She mumbles, "Ba-ba." 

The captain smiles indulgently, kneeling next to her and brushing the hair from her brow. "What did they do to you?" he murmurs.

She struggles to focus her eyes on him, settling for the ceiling, and mutters faintly, "Got lost. The tide . . . I didn't mean to." Her eyes drift closed, still apologizing, "Didn't want . . . so tired, couldn't get out."

Simon opens a locker and watches, grabbing a blanket out as River continues to ramble, still holding valiantly onto consciousness.

"Had to float, and it was better. But I did, and I tried . . . I'm--"

Mal hushes her, "Never you mind that. It's okay now." He smiles slightly and straightens the torn hem of her skirt, a thoughtful look passing over his face as he rests a hand on her scabbed knees. 

Simon stands next to Mal and drapes the blanket over his sister as he asks quietly, "Inara?"

Mal stirs from his thoughts, a black look passing briefly over his face before he replies evenly, "She's fine, I think."

Simon begins to speak softly, "I heard--"

Mal stands quickly as River's heavy eyes suddenly open wide in alarm, small hands clinging to Mal, "Don't make her go away!"

Mal sends a frantic look to Simon, "A little help here?" He tries to pry himself away.

River starts crying, "She can stay!"

Simon is at her side, and she looks at him, tears streaming fresh down her face, "We'll be good! Don't let him send her away!"

Mal steps back a safe distance, not knowing what to do.

Simon hushes her, "No one is going away, mei-mei. It's okay, we're safe now. We're going home."

__

***

Over the bright plains, the capital scraping the sky not too far away, the prison transport glides, gaining altitude sharply as it changes trajectory to leave the atmosphere. 

The sun continues to beat down as the man missing an eye smiles balefully, "Got it."

***

Simon sits on the old and scraped floor, legs stretched out, his back to the bench River sleeps on. Across from him Mal's boots stick off the edge of the other bench, the captain stretched out, oblivious as he sleeps.

Book leaves the cockpit, glancing softly at his two sleeping passengers. "They have the right idea," he says quietly.

Simon looks thoughtful, "I don't think either of them has had any sleep in the past day and a half." He strokes River's hand absently.

"Part of the interrogations, but that's over now."

Simon looks at his sister, marks her sunken eyes, says almost to himself, "What did they do to her?" He glances up at Book expectantly.

The shepherd assures him, "They left her well alone. But the mind can be an incredible source of suffering if left to itself."

Simon looks at the sleeping captain, "Something's not right."

Book agrees grimly, "Not yet."

In the cockpit, Chow opens a channel, "This is prison transport five-zero-echo-two-four-nine, ready for intercept."

Simon watches Book, worry and lingering distrust barely concealed.

***

One-Eye watches the radar as the moving blip reaches the center.

The other man waits, finger held steady above the trigger of the surface-to-air missile.

The blip reaches the core.

"Now."

***

"We've been targeted," Chow announces offhandedly, maintaining his course.

Simon looks sharply at the cockpit, then back to Book, alarmed.

***

High in the atmosphere, where the air is thin and the blue of sky begins to wash away, the prison transport flies steadily upwards to meet an inbound ship, still far off in the black of space.

Far below the plains recede, the capital merely a mar in the land that stretches out around it in the bright afternoon. The horizon wraps distantly below, curving away in all directions.

The transport begins to shudder as it fights to break from the gravity well. A black speck below glints and curves through the air below, drawing closer. As the blue fades to black, silently, the prison transport explodes. 

__


	8. Long Day Over

****

Author's note: _Chapter 8 of 8_

****

Summary: Things come to an end. Some pasts are left behind, and other's are yet to be faced. Serenity keeps flying, and at the end of the day this is all that matters.

****

An Epilogue to Choices 

"Here we judge you by what you _do, not by what your father was. Here you can be something. Here's a place to build a home. It isn't the land- there's always more land. It's the idea that we all have value, you and me, we're worth something more than dirt. I never saw dirt I'd die for, but I'm not asking you to come join us and fight for dirt. What we're all fighting for, in the end, is each other."_

"Strange thing. You would die for it without further question, but you had a hard time talking about it. He shook his head. I'll wave no more flags for home. No tears for Mother. Nobody ever died for apple pie." - The Killer Angels

Long Day Over

Deep blue is the herald of dawn over green fields, still swathed in shadow.

Kaylee sits in the co-pilot chair, sullen, "Why did he have to go?"

Wash is staring intently at the Cortex, fingers twitching, Zoe's hand on his shoulder as she gazes thoughtfully out the window. 

The headlines scroll across in the livefeed, and the pilot reads: 

. . . _nothing left of a federal shuttle after having been attacked by unknown persons. Though not apprehended, it is believed that guerilla fighters, learning of the presence of a certain military personage leaked by an unknown source, destroyed the ship while transporting two federal fugitives. No known survivors . . ._

Wash looks up, taking her hand in his, "So, they're all dead?"

Footsteps clang up the steps to the bridge, and the three of them turn to see Book approaching.

"So far as the Alliance is concerned," the shepherd clarifies. 

"Shiny!" Wash says brightly, then turns his attention back to the Cortex, still searching through the current posts.

Zoe puts her hand on his shoulder, "The warrants weren't there a week ago, they won't be today. Captain and Book did good."

"This is the last chance for fresh air before we leave," Book remarks. "Should take advantage of it." 

"Captain should be back shortly," Zoe says by way of response.

Wash makes a face, agreeing, "No offense, Book, but I think I've had enough of land and sky for awhile."

Zoe gripes, "Captain's not left the ship for an entire week, and now that we're fit to leave he decides to go visiting."

"Don't you know that's the only way to see the fam?" Wash exclaims, "Gives you a good reason to scoot out early."

Zoe stares at him in mild reproof, and he gives her a silent 'what?'

"Where'd he go, anyway?" Kaylee asks, still pouting.

Wash smiles, "You probably scared him away with all of your fawning."

Kaylee protests, "I was not fawning! I was . . . happy to see him, is all." She grins foolishly.

Zoe gently whacks the back of Wash's head, looking at Kaylee, "He had one last thing to see to before we can be done with this place."

***

The grass bows gently in the cool breeze, weighed down by dew. Smoke drifts from a nearby cluster of out-buildings, smelling of hickory. The sun hasn't made it's appearance yet on the horizon, but the sky has begun lightening.

A man stands on the crest of the low hill, watching as Mal walks the short distance from the shuttle.

"Chet," the captain greets as he nears, his voice quiet in the hush of morning.

The older man looks a little angry, but he softens as he sees Mal's bruised and battered face, the splint peaking out from Mal's sleeve cuff. "They came looking for you and yours here."

"I know," the younger man says. "I can't apologize enough for that." He rests his good hand in the gun belt.

"Told them I hadn't seen you since before you left for the war." Chet adopts an easy stance, "Which score I don't think I was wrong on."

Mal holds his gaze for a silent moment. "Look Chet, I'm just making sure things are fine on your end here. I didn't mean to bring my troubles on you."

"The past has a funny way of catching up, doesn't it?" The old rancher's voice has a personal bite to it.

"It's problematical like that." Mal sees an elderly woman emerge from the main house and casually steps out of eyesight.

Chet notices his maneuver, "You still angry with me for what I done, Malcolm?"

Mal shakes his head, "You did what you had to, Chet. For Rita and your kids. Had your own to look after. I always understood that. Never saw dirt I'd die for."

"Your mother did. I tried to get her to come--"

"I know," Mal smiles, "She was a stubborn woman. Wouldn'ta left that ranch if God'd told her to."

Chet smiles sadly at Mal, who doesn't meet his eyes.

Finally he stirs himself, "I just came to make sure I didn't leave any unfinished business or debts, but I see that things are fine." 

"More trouble already?" Chet asks as Mal's posture indicates his intention to leave.

"Same old," Mal clarifies. "Don't expect I'll be seeing you again, best if I don't. I've got my own to look after now."

Mal turns down the hill, back towards his shuttle. 

The wind ruffles his hair, sways the grass. He can smell the smoke, a warm clean smell, sees a herd off in the distance. 

Stopping, he turns back to Chet, "It's a good home." He struggles with the words, feeling stupid, "Give Rita my love."

With that he wades down through the grass.

Chet doesn't watch him go, walking away down the other side of the hill.

***

Predawn light, giving way to dawn, filters into the bridge as Mal joins Zoe and Wash.

"Everyone back?" he asks.

"You were the last," Zoe replies, "We're good to go, sir."

Mal takes one last look out the window, slapping his good hand on the pilot's shoulder, "Refuel and take us out of the world, Wash. I'm gonna go drop in on Jayne."

Down the steps and past the crew bunks, he sees Kaylee heading out of the engine room and into the kitchen. Taking long strides, he is about to make a quick getaway down the left corridor when she spies him.

"Cap'n!" She grins broadly, "You're back!"

Mal hides his cringe as he backtracks and steps into the kitchen, returning her smile easily, "Hey, little Kaylee." He puts his hand on the back of the chair, "I've been back for a while now, I hear."

"You missed breakfast!" she scolds. "Just you sit right there and I'll fix you--"

He puts a hand on her shoulder, "Kaylee," he admonishes right back, "I'm fine. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere."

She looks at her feet, "I know, it's just--"

He kisses her forehead and hears footsteps behind him. Turning he sees Simon through the doorway.

Simon ducks his head and begins to back away, "I was just . . ." 

Kaylee peeks around Mal's arm and smiles broadly, saying mock seriously, "Hey Doctor Tam."

But Simon is looking at the captain, who has turned around and fixed him with an unwavering stare. He flicks his eyes to Kaylee as she steps around to Mal's side and loops her arm in his. 

Mal gives him a droll smile and greets, "Morning, boss."

Suddenly the room is awkward. 

Kaylee glances up at Mal, but his eyes are fixed on Simon, his smile gone. She looks to Simon, who bristles slightly and returns the captain's challenging gaze, an amused smile raising the corners of his mouth. 

She steps away, looking from one to the other, and finally reaches up and smacks Mal in the back of the head, "Stop being such a big meanie!"

Mal flinches and grins as she gives him a quick kiss on his fading burn and heads toward the door. Passing Simon, she kisses him quickly as well, breaking his staring contest with the captain and returning his attention to her. 

He blushes as Mal smirks at him, and both watch as Kaylee heads toward the bridge.

Mal says, still smiling, full of himself, "It's good to be home, ain't it Doctor Tam?"

Simon tears his eyes away from Kaylee, taking in the formality and backhanded inclusion, "Yes, uh, yes it is. Captain."

Mal smiles tightly, a little sad, changes the subject, "How's Jayne settling in?"

Simon straightens, raises his head, all business, "The transfer went well. He's resting in the infirmary for the time being, should be ready to move to the passenger dorm soon. He's a bit restless."

Mal nods, "And your sister?"

"She's still exhausted, refuses to sleep. She finally passed out in the infirmary when I was checking on Jayne. I didn't want to disturb her."

Mal raises an eyebrow, "She's sleeping in the same room as him?"

Simon looks at him pointedly, "Should I be worried about something?"

The captain walks past him, out into the corridor, shaking his head, "Only if Jayne starts snoring."

Simon smiles to himself and watches Mal head down the steps to the passenger dorms, and turns to join Kaylee on the bridge.

***

Mal slows around the turn in steps as he sees Book coming up. He continues down as Book stops on the landing.

"On your way to see Jayne?" The shepherd inquires.

"Yup," Mal says as he steps around Book.

Mal makes it two steps past the landing when he stops and turns around, a puzzled look on his face "What did you do with the reward?"

Book speaks in an exaggeratedly magnanimous tone, "I used it in only the most benevolent of ways."

Mal gives him a dirty look.

The shepherd smiles, "I paid off some unsavory folk to destroy the reputation of the Angel of Death. With Gabriel Godsey's death, the rest of the money will go to the abbey."

Mal looks disgusted by this, "Please tell me--"

"Who in turn have returned a goodly portion to me." the older man assures him.

Mal grins in relief, then sobers, "You've played your last card, haven't you?"

Book doesn't agree right away, hesitating a moment before he nods, "Now I can safely say that I am just Shepherd Book." He smiles warmly, "It feels nice to be rid of that weight."

Mal stares at him a moment. "There's never just one, though," he says. "Now that I think about it, I seem to recall rumors and legends of an Alliance pirate hunter by that name."

Books smile fades a little.

A thoughtful look crosses Mal's face, "As it went, this man was said to have been a pirate himself once. 'Course Gabriel Godsey wasn't his real name," he smiles lightly, belying the weight of his words. "So they say."

The shepherd's face is grey, words unforthcoming.

"But, it is just talk I heard as a boy." With that, Mal tiredly resumes his path down the stairs.

Book calls after him, "It's not just talk, Captain."

Mal stops and turns, marveling, "Well, you _do _wear a lot of masks."

Book begins to explain, but the captain cuts him off, "What's past is past, Shepherd. You just tell me if there's any trouble I need to be in the knowing of."

Book smiles in appreciation, and they stand in an shared silence.

"That was a foolish thing you did, Captain," Book finally says. "Angels fear to tread where you went, rushing into Alliance hands, with no backup."

Mal stops and stares at him blandly as he states, "You came."

Book says lightly, "I'm no angel."

"Well," Mal says, a tight smile on his face, his tone serious, "No. You wouldn't have come if you were."

With that he reaches the bottom landing and walks out of sight, leaving Book alone on the stairs, a confused smile on his face.

***

Mal steps quietly into the infirmary where the lights are dimmed, Jayne lying still, his chest rising in slow even breaths.

"You awake?" the captain asks quietly, looking at the sleeping River on the far side.

Jayne grunts, "Trying not to be."

The captain walks over to Jayne's side, not saying anything. 

The mercenary furrows his brow and then opens his eyes, "Why'd you go telling everyone it was my birthday?"

Mal chuckles, looking off to the side.

The mercenary rolls his head on the cushion and gets a good look at Mal, "What happened to your face?"

"No concern of yours," Mal says lightly.

"Hell it ain't, Mal," Jayne growls as quietly as possible, "When the doc goes crazy as his sister and starts taking shots, I think it's very well my ruttin' concern!"

Mal doesn't say anything.

Jayne looks hurt as he asks quietly, "Were you even going to tell me?!"

Mal gets a dangerous look, "Situation's been handled," he whispers blackly.

"You're all daft in the brainpan for taking him back with open--" Jayne's voice rises and Mal looks sharply across him toward River. The mercenary shuts up.

"You let it be, Jayne," Mal looks back down, "'Less you want your own dirty laundry aired--"

"He knows," Jayne interrupts. "Simon. He already knows about Ariel."

Mal looks surprised.

Jayne asks, "Did you . . ." 

Mal, shakes his head, absorbing this new information, his gaze inward. Then, "Boy's not stupid, maybe he twigged to it himself." 

Jayne shakes his head, then looking left, "Think it was her? She figgered it?" 

Looking at River, Mal says quietly, after a moment of consideration, "As sure as I'm glad you're still here." 

Jayne blinks in confusion, not understanding.

Mal turns to leave, "There is no situation, Jayne. Debts have been paid. If I were you, I wouldn't begrudge another body a chance at second go. No trouble, dong ma?" 

He holds the bigger man's eyes until Jayne looks away.

"Yeah," Jayne mutters. "I gotcha."

Mal nods, satisfied, and leaves him to rest in the infirmary.

The merc stares up at the ceiling in confusion, and then turns his gaze to the sleeping girl next to him, only a few feet away.

***

He walks up the steps in the cargo bay and along the catwalk to shuttle one, standing outside the closed door for a moment. The cargo bay is silent, empty. The hatch stares blankly back at him.

He rubs between his eyes. 

Raising his hand to knock, he thinks better on it and opens the hatch, stepping inside.

Inara is staring at her client screen as Mal enters. Her back is to him and she takes her time before noting his presence. 

Mal asks casually, "Back to work?" 

He fidgets, peering over her shoulder as he watches the client thumbnails on the screen disappearing, dwindling down to a only few.

"What there is left of it," she murmurs, "Besides, what's life without it?" She turns off the screen and looks at him.

Mal mocks sympathy, "Yeah, a permanent smear on your record will do that." 

She bristles slightly, smiling, "Don't try so hard to be-- "

"They told me you confessed," he interrupts.

She looks at him mildly, "I wouldn't be here if I had, Mal. Did you come here for something in particular?"

He stands a moment longer, trying to contain his restlessness, but can't bring himself to speak.

"I'm a big girl, Mal," Inara says impatiently. "Just tell me." 

Mal is quiet, considering this. Inara is disturbed by his continued silence as it stretches, and it looks as if he might leave without another word, his back already to her.

Inara stands just as he thinks better on it and turns around, not looking her in the eye as they almost collide. 

He steps back, clearing his throat. 

"I can't say that I'm not glad of it," he gestures at the now dark screen.

She looks at him in surprise, and he meets her gaze finally with a directness.

Recovering her composure, her features smoothing over icily, "That isn't it. You've never been discreet about how you felt about what I do." 

His blue eyes continue to pierce right through her, "No, but you have." 

She stops mid-breath, staring at him in surprise and sudden fear. 

"See, that's it," he continues, on a roll now. "That's the thing. You made the choice from the get-go to be here, knowing what Serenity is, what I am." 

She stares at him in growing apprehension.

"Yeah, you're a real big girl: you knew the danger this kinda life would have in store. You could have gone anywhere you damn well pleased, and you chose this. Even after . . . after everything, you've chosen to stay. And I can't help but wonder why." Mal reigns in his temper, gesturing again at the blank screen, "A part of me can't help but wonder if you're not a little bit glad your own self." 

Inara looks away as Mal pushes on, "I thought from the start that you were running from something. I'm thinking mayhaps you couldn't face it, couldn't deal with it yourself. So you hid behind Serenity, behind _me_."

Inara's voice cracks as she asks haughtily, "And what is it exactly that you think it is that I am running from?" 

Mal is ruthless, riding over her pain,

"Yourself." 

Her retort dies on her lips and she holds his gaze for only a moment longer before she looks away, blinking furiously, her hair hiding her face.

"Your life. _This_--" he indicates the shuttle, decorated for one single purpose. "Tell me I'm wrong. Because I'm tired of taking jobs on the rim just so's you can't find work. It's putting me in the hole. I can't keep making the choice for you. And I can't . . ." Mal's eyes wander over her face, "We'll be making a run that takes us near the Core. End of your lease, I want you off my boat." 

Having said what he came to say, his face twists in self-loathing and disgust as he watches her stare openly in shock. He steps forward involuntarily, inches from her, raising a hand before abandoning the gesture, and turns on his heel quickly. 

He nearly reaches the door before Inara finds her voice, barely a whisper, 

"Just tell me."

Mal stops in his tracks, floored by this statement and its implications. 

Unnerved and suddenly scared, he pushes it down and shakes his head, his back still to, not even turning his head as he says, "This isn't about me, Inara . . . I . . . have no call to be telling you what to do, and what I want doesn't-- this has to be for you." He pauses, searching for the words, "This is one last thing you have to decide for yourself. Your choice."

Without waiting for a reply, he disappears out the door.

She never tells him he's wrong.

***

The sky a pale blue-green, horizon rimmed in gold with the inevitable approach of dawn, Serenity lumbers up from the fueling station, leaving the clutter of the port behind for the open plains.

Inside, Mal threads his way distractedly along the catwalk, one hand on the wall, and down into the cargo bay, listening to the hum of the ship. He steps through the teardrop doorway onto the steps that lead down into the passenger lounge.

Stopping at the top of the steps, he looks lost and confused, seeming not to remember where he was going or why. Glancing around the lounge his eyes settle vacantly on the darkened infirmary window. He stands there a moment before he realizes that he is looking at an empty bed. He scowls, welcoming the irritation as he slowly descends to the infirmary. All is silent as he glances in, not stopping as he rounds the corner and looks down the passenger dorm. All the lights are out in the rooms and no noises stir within the black doorways.

But he does hear something next to him, beyond the pane of glass of the infirmary. 

He looks left and shouts out "Bwaaa!" as, from within the shadow of his own reflection, River's face peers out.

She grins at him and taps her finger on the glass, "Got you!" she chortles.

Mal smiles, chagrined, and walks back around to the doorway and flicks on the lights.

"Where's Jayne?" he asks, hand on the wall.

River blinks blearily, looking at her hands, feet swinging off the edge of the table, "With the others." Her good mood fades and she frowns.

Mal steps closer, "Your brother says you haven't been sleeping."

She sulks, sending a dark look his way, shadows still under her eyes, still squinting from the bright lights, "Neither have you," and sticks her tongue out.

Mal smiles to himself as he stands in front of her, "Bad dreams?"

She looks away and doesn't answer.

"Me too," Mal says.

He tugs at River till she slides off the table and onto her feet as she continues to protest in childish whines and mumbles.

"River, you're tired, and Captain says time to go to bed."

She glares sanely at him, "It's morning."

"It don't change the fact you've not been sleeping."

She sways on her feet and he steadies her. 

"C'mon," he says, guiding her towards the door.

She stops, pulling her arm free from his loose grip. Looking at him in all seriousness, she says, "Only if you do."

"Sleep?"

She nods.

He considers, and nods back, "Deal."

***

Mal flicks the light off and slides the shoji-styled door shut, stepping back from River's room. He continues on the few paces to the stairs and tiredly ascends them. 

As he nears the top, he hears voices drifting down from the bridge, followed by a bout of laughter.

***

Wash lounges back in the pilot's chair as he climbs higher into the atmosphere, the sky a brilliant layering of pink and lavender, the sun still hidden beyond the edge of the planet.

Kaylee peers outside, her face bright, "It's so pretty!"

Jayne walks in from the kitchen and leans against the lockers, looking grumpy, "S'just a buncha stupid grass."

Simon frowns at Jayne, "You really shouldn't be up."

Jayne gives him a dirty look and grimaces, "So shoot me."

"Jayne!" Kaylee scolds.

Simon gives him a pained look, shutting up.

Zoe looks at the doctor, "I'll hold him down for you." 

Simon smiles briefly as Wash laughs and Jayne scowls, the merc trying to cross his arms and failing.

Kaylee continues, "Is this where Capn's from?"

Zoe smiles and shakes her head, "I've heard it's a lot like it, which I suppose is why Chet came here."

Kaylee looks innocently devious, "Can we see it?"

Wash glances at her sideways, "What, Chet's ranch?"

Zoe hedges, "I don't think that would be appropriate--" 

"At least--" Simon begins, conspiring for Kaylee's benefit, "At least let's stay till after the sun has risen."

Kaylee beams, "It's just a few more minutes." She adds slyly, "And while we're waiting we can take a little peek at the ranch."

"We're not in any rush," Wash jumps in.

"I don't know," Zoe says.

"Come now," Book intervenes, "What's the harm?"

"Yeah, Zo," Wash agrees, "Mal won't get mad. And if he does . . ." he trails off, glancing around the bridge for help, catches Simon's eyes and sends him an imploring look. "It's okay because . . ."

Simon gathers his wits and continues for Wash, "Because . . . you can just tell him that I, uh, successfully hijacked the ship to do a, uh, a flyby."

Everyone freezes, a deathly hush falling over the room. 

In the quiet, footsteps are heard on the grating down near the kitchen. 

Kaylee manages a pained smile as she turns and sees Mal walking towards them.

"Now you done it," Jayne sneers victoriously.

Mal stops by the hatch to his bunk, staring at the group of them on the bridge, "What are you up to?"

Jayne rats them out, "They're sticking their noses where they don't belong, Mal."

Wash blurts out, pointing a finger at Simon, "He made me do it!"

Zoe agrees, saying admiringly, "He was very persuasive."

Mal looks to Simon for clarification.

The doctor elaborates, "I've finally succeeded in taking over your ship, Captain."

Mal blinks once, then shakes his head, "Oh," and kicks his hatch open. 

He climbs down one-handed, and before the hatch closes, a fresh round of laughter follows him into his bunk.

***

As the sun casts it's first rays over the plains, Serenity sails over the sea of grass, a cluster of buildings wafting white smoke rushing towards them. Serenity banks and circles, flying low and chasing the horses into the brightening day.

Mal stumbles as the ship banks sharply again, catching himself against the wall as he stands on one foot and unzips his boot. Kicking it off to join the other boot next to his bunk, he begins peeling off his suspenders, eyes closed as he nearly sleeps on his feet. He smiles as he hears more laughter faintly through the hatch, unbuttoning his shirt and pulling it off over the splint on his arm. He undoes and kicks off his pants, lying down in his bed and sinking into the pillow as he pulls the blanket over him. 

As his eyes close, a smile drifts across his face as the smell of wood smoke fills the room.

***

River lies in her darkened room, curled on her side, eyes drifting shut. She breathes deep, smiling as she murmurs, "Hickory wind."

***

__

White smoke curls and undulates in the wind, smelling of wood. The grass ripples and glints around him, his hands catching and releasing the inflorescences, dancing delicately over the tops as he pushes through, swimming. 

The plain is lost in shadow, and a rumbling is heard. But then the cloud passes, and the storm clouds stay on the horizon, and the sun shines again.

His mother waits for him, smiling, at the crest of the hill, dark curls blowing around her weathered face. She points behind him, and he turns.

At the bottom of the hill stands River, who smiles up at Mal,

"This is safe."

Fin

**** **** ****


End file.
